|
|
Michael Ryan bought a donkey from Tom Dunne, a Tipperary farmer, for €100. Rather than walk him the 7.5 miles of treacherous pot holed road home, Tom agreed to deliver the donkey the very next day, in his horse box.
Sure enough, the next day our Tom drove up the lane to Michael’s home, looking very distressed.
“Michael“, said he, “Sure I’m sorry, but I have some very bad news, plain truth is, your donkey’s dead.”
Michael shook his head, “Sure no harm done, it could be worse” said he ” Just give me my money back.”
Tom said, ” Well Michael you see that’s the problem, I can’t do that. Truth is, I’ve already spent it and my bank won’t give me a loan.”
Michael though for a moment and then said, “Listen don’t worry about it, just give me my dead donkey.”
Tom replied, “Sure no problem, but what use is a dead donkey, what do you plan to do with him?”
 Michael said: “Begod, I’m going to raffle him off.”
Tom replied, “You can’t raffle a dead donkey!”
Michael replied, “Sure I can. Just watch me…..Sure I just won’t inform anybody he’s dead.”
A month passed, and Tom met up with Michael again at the calf sale in Thurles Mart.
“Michael do you mind telling me what happened afterwards with that unfortunate dead donkey I sold you?” asked Tom curiously.
Michael, with a rye grin, said, ” Sure I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at €2.00 a piece and made a profit of €898. Now that’s taking into account the €100 I lost in my foolish dealings with you.”
Tom was amazed , “But didn’t anyone complain?” said he.
“Sure they did, but it was only the guy who won. So to be fair and honest I gave him his two euros back.” said Michael, with a knowing nod of his head.
Speaking recently to Michael, Thurles.Info understands he is being headhunted for various positions on the Board’s of A.I.B., National Irish Bank, Bank Of Ireland, and NAMA. He admits he has already, after much thought and many sleepless nights, refused an offer to run for Fianna Fáil in the next Dublin South by-election.
Michael, however refused to be drawn further, when we attempted to link him with the names of ten very well known Irish property developers. Ah yes, but then our Michael is no ass.
By the way, please note, all characters named in this true story, are purely fictitious and any resemblance to living persons in Thurles, or indeed County Tipperary as a whole, are truly accidental.
Meanwhile, we ask the ever growing question, ” Are we as a country looking to solve our financial problems in the right way?”
Here is an interesting job, for anyone in the 18 -21 year old category, currently being offered through jobs.ie.
It is also a warning to those in the off-licence business who may be slow to request ID when selling alcohol or tobacco products.
The job posted reads as follows:
Mystery shopping: 18 – 21 year olds required to visit off-licences in Thurles only
Grass Roots Ireland are currently looking for Mystery shoppers in THURLES only to pose as typical customers for an off licence.
Applicants must be 18 – 21 years of age as we want to see if they are asked for ID when making a purchase.
Mystery shopping is occasional, flexible work; it is not part time employment.
 Grass Roots Ireland If you are interested in receiving more information on this please answer the questions below and we will email you with further information. (Please note that you do not need to upload your C.V)
YOU MUST HAVE EXCELLENT WRTITTEN ENGLISH SKILLS
Location Various
Payment From 13 euro upwards
Category Call-Centre / Customer Service, Miscellaneous, Marketing / Market Research.
Terms Contract, Part-time
Last updated 20/01/2010
Contact Grass Roots Group
Click Here if you wish to apply.
“Das Riiiight, Come hell or high water, I’ll be in the Premier Hall, Thurles, on Saturday December 5th next”, stated Thurles Comedian Pat Shortt, when speaking to Thurles.Info today. Pat as always was looking at the funny side of life as flood waters crept closer to his home in the village of Castleconnell, Co. Limerick.
Pat stated that Castleconnell was now a village under siege. “Flood waters are dividing one side from the other, sure if I were to go for a pint or two, I’d have to get the boat home,” said Irelands number one comic.
 Comedian Pat Shortt Pat is currently in the middle of his sell out show “In the Hall” which is touring nationwide presently.
No stranger to Thurles, his place of birth, Pat Shortt is a household name in Ireland following his TV hit show “Killinascully”. Pat has a distinguished acting CV and has appeared with the Druid Theatre Company in their production of Martin McDonagh’s The Lonesome West. Movie title’s include Angela Mooney Dies Again (with Mia Farrow), This Is My Father (with Brendan Gleeson, Aidan Quinn, Stephen Rae and James Caan) ,The Closer It Gets (with Ian Harte, Niamh Cusack and Sean McGinley), the award winning tragi-comedy Garage and in Man About Dog written by Belfast-born Pearse Eliot.
Tickets have sold fast for his new show which has been a sell out success to date.
Tickets are currently on sale at:-
Griffins News Agents, Liberty Square, Thurles Tel:0504- 22178.
Heartbeat City, Thurles Tel: 0504- 24699.
Golden Disks, Clonmel Tel: 0502- 21991.
Grogans Store, Cashel Tel: 062- 61533 and through Ticketmaster.
Make a Note Folks:
Saturday 5th December, Premier Hall, Thurles, Co Tipperary .
If you find yourself having difficulty understanding the language of the woman in your life, perhaps the text hereunder may in some way assist.
“Five Minutes”
If she is getting dressed up, this means approximately 60 minutes. Five minutes should only be interpreted as “five minutes” if you have just been given five minutes more to watch the Tipperary v Kilkenny All Ireland Hurling Final, before taking out the refuse bins.
 “Loud Sigh”
This is usually a nonverbal declaration of “what in Gods name am I doing with this idiot“. A loud sigh means a woman thinks you are an imbecile and wonders why she is wasting her precious time standing there, arguing with you about what she considers irrelevant.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it”
This is another misunderstood and sometimes dangerous statement, which literally means that there is something that this woman has told her man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?‘ to which the woman’s response is usually “nothing“.
“Nothing”
This is generally the calm before a force 10 hurricane. Nothing really means “something“, and you should now be on full weather alert. Snappy retorts that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine“ followed by an unscheduled trip to the nearest Accident and Emergency unit.
“Fine”
This is the word that women usually use to end a squabble when they are right and our best advice is for you to remain silent after such a remark.
“Go Ahead”
This is a dare and in no way should this remark be interpreted as some form of permission being granted.
Warning: Do not act on this instruction under any circumstance without first checking that your health insurance is fully paid up.
“That’s Okay”:
This is also of the most dangerous statements a women can ever make to a man. “That’s okay” really means that the woman requires further time for deeper reflection before deciding how and when she will make you pay dearly for the error of your ways.
“Thanks”
If a woman is thanking you, do not question or indeed collapse. Just say “you’re welcome honey”. This is not to be confused with a similar phrase used by women “Thanks a lot“. Latter is simply pure sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. Avoid retorting “you’re welcome” in this instance as this will receive the reply “whatever”.
“Whatever”
This is a women’s way of saying a now much quoted four letter word. Clue: It begins with F and is closely followed by the word YOU!
By now you must have cleaned your glasses with vinegar at least once, just in case that excellent article published in our popular Tipperary Star newspaper, wasn’t just some trick of the flickering candle flame. What, you haven’t read it yet? Go out and buy a copy immediately, it’s further proof that the recession is over.
Having read this article several times myself, the words of the poet Willie Shakespeare “I know you all and will uphold the unyoked humour of your idleness“, suddenly sprang to mind. It also brought me to the startling realisation that I must now, humbly and profoundly, apologise to Mr Colm McCarthy of An Bord Snip Nua fame, who recommends rationalising the structures of local government by abolishing both regional authorities and town councils to provide a single local authority. Colm my old pal, I am truly sorry, please forgive me.
 Current state of footpaths at St.Mary's Avenue Our beautiful town of Thurles, Co Tipperary, which had a turnout of 4,166 voters at the last local elections, from a population of 7,000 unwashed residents, is just one of 80 towns throughout this messed up Green Land, which will, dare I say be relieved, if this An Bord Snip Nua recommendation is implemented.
Thurles Town Council, which has a staff, give or take, of about 25 and a budget for 2009 of a miserable, paltry €5.9 million, is responsible for ‘local rates’, ‘local litter prevention’, ‘local housing’, ‘street cleaning’, ‘planning’, ‘leisure amenities’ and a few ‘potholed local roads’. They have no responsibility for ‘fire brigade’, ‘national and regional road maintainance’, ‘water’, ‘libraries’ etc, as they come under the care of North Tipperary Co.Council.
Thurles town council has nine elected members and they meet once a month, suspiciously at night, except during the month of Sextilis (better known as August), because most of those we elected enjoy other daily profitable employments.
Continue reading Public Apology To Colm McCarthy
|
Support Us Help keep Thurles.info online by donating below. Thank you.
Total Donated 2026: €40.00
Thank You!
Daily Thurles Mass Livestream
|
Recent Comments