Humour « Thurles Information

Recent Speeding Fines Issued May Not Be Valid

Particularly nowadays, we are all very familiar in this country with the phrase “Two Tier Society”, however for many months now, here in Co.Tipperary the picturesque village of Inch on highway R498, has been displaying a “Two Tier Speed Limit” and locals are boasting that they are the only village in the world which has this anomaly. Indeed they are hoping to gather much needed tourism revenue and expecting Shannon Development to assist them to promote this eighth wonder of the world.

How did this unusual phenomenal occur you might ask? Well to tell you the truth www.thurles.info for the first time ever admit we are totally gobsmacked.

Fairy at work in Inch Thurles.

Locals expound many theories as to how this came about and these include:-
(A) Signs were installed by a dyslexic NRA or North Tipperary Co. Council Council employee.
(B) Unhappy green fairies in the area are bitter because someone interfered with their rainbows. (Believe me there are fairies in Tipperary. They can best be seen after the pubs shut.)
(C) It is a special speed limit for local politicians and their Garda drivers, rushing to funerals and to the aid of the 7,712 Tipperary unemployed and the 36,438 households countrywide that are now in mortgage arrears.
(D) An effort by the Garda Traffic Corp to confuse drivers, so as to collect maximum money from speeding tickets, to assist in the bolstering of Anglo Irish Bank Guarantees.
(E) However the most common held theory elucidated, is that because of the imminent threat to Accident and Emergency services at Nenagh General Hospital, HSE officials and local politicians may need access to a quick getaway, the latter to survive taking part in the soon to be held next General Election.

All joking aside folks, while the National Roads Authority (NRA) reveal plans to develop a 2,000km cycle path network around the country at cost unknown and now also intend to spend €250,000 erecting signs across the motorway network, telling drivers there is nowhere to stop to eat, refuel or visit the toilet, motorist in Rural Tipperary are being fined for speeding where speed limit signs clearly do not exist or, at the very least, are confusing.

Top Local Solicitor and Thurles Councillor Mr Gerard O’Brien who runs his office from 2 Thomond Road in the town has described this scenario as “motorist entrapment, akin to shooting fish in a barrel.”

Whatever the reason for this anomaly, it would appear that after some months, no one is rushing to correct this confusion, which would include the replacement of missing speed signs traveling towards Thurles, and balancing the existing speed signs travelling towards the Nenagh direction. Our picture clearly shows the back and front of speed signs as you enter the village of Inch from the Thurles road and also as you leave the village, headed towards Thurles.

Locals inform us that a certain van regularly parks in the towns-land of Ballinahow, taking pictures of car number plates. In fact one was lurking there on the 2nd of September last at 7.00pm, we wonder if they photographed or even noticed this confusing signage. Certainly local police appeared to be unaware of it when I reported it today.
We have also notified North Tipperary Co. Council’s Health and Safety department so hopefully this confusion can be sorted out before the NRA run out of money or motorists end up in the local Courts, wasting a Judges valuable time.

Tipperary V Kilkenny – Five In A Row?

On Sunday, Tipperary have a chance to write themselves into history as they face Kilkenny in the final of the GAA Hurling All-Ireland Senior Championship at Croke Park.

So who do you think will win this years GAA Hurling All-Ireland Senior Championship Final?

One dedicated Tipperary female fan has absolutely no doubts as to Tipperary’s intent, as can be seen hereunder.

We at www.thurles.info wish the Tipperary Hurlers and their Management Team the very best in their endeavours against their old rivals Kilkenny.
Win or loose, thank you for a fantastic season.
We will be screaming out our support on the day and looking forward to your victorious homecoming.

Dancing Classes – Thurles Club For Dancing

You are retired, the kids are gone and you want to re-kindle lost youth or maybe you are getting married shortly, you possess two left feet and live in dread of that first dance in front of all your guests, – well have we got good news for you.

Thurles Club For Dancing

The Club for Dancing here in Thurles are holding their next set of dance classes, for beginners, starting on Tuesday 31st of August in the Premier Ballroom.
Before you say “I can’t afford dance classes” the charge is just €20 for a six week course, which starts each Tuesday at 8.30pm sharp and concludes at 10.00pm. This €20 charge is just to covers the clubs cost of advertising, hire of the hall, etc.

Dance has always been an important part of ceremony, rituals, celebrations and entertainment since the birth of human civilizations. Movement of the body through dance, to music, has been long regarded as a form of communication between humans, creating social interaction.
The aim of these very enjoyable classes is to teach people the basic steps of the Waltz, Foxtrot and Quickstep.

Young people may not be aware, but when ‘Rock and Roll‘ first emerged in the early 1950s, record companies were uncertain as to what style of dance would be most applicable to this music. Famously, Decca Records initially labelled its Rock and Roll releases as “Foxtrots”, most notably “Rock Around the Clock” by Bill Haley and His Comets. Since that recording, which by some estimates, went on to sell more than 25 million copies, “Rock Around the Clock” is technically the biggest-selling “Foxtrot” of all time.

In California the waltz was banned by Mission Fathers until after 1834 because of the “close” dancing position.

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Where There’s A Will There’s A Way

Hello you animal lovers out there. Meet ‘Missy‘ the tiny eight week old pup from Thurles, who thinks she is a cat.

The Great Escape (One Dog’s Interpretation) from G Butler on Vimeo.

Highly intelligent ‘Missy’ is the only daughter of a female Cocker Spanial called ‘Sandy’ and was conceived following a one night unscheduled liaison with an unidentified black Labrador Retriever.

Abandoned by her mother, at just four weeks, for continuously acting the pup, Missy was hand reared by her owner and now prefers the human touch to those of the canine variety.

Just like most women, Missy has a mind of her own and as you saw from this video clip, is very head strong when it comes to being caged, in her four foot high wired dog compound.

I wonder if we had a word with her could she help us find a solution to our present economic problems.

Dublin – A Plague On Your City Says Rural Ireland

Dublin! Dublin! Dublin! everything appears these days to be centred in and around Dublin. A plague on our Capital city say the dwellers from “Beyond the Pale.”

It now appears that this city formally known as “The Pale” is being promoted as a place for “Fun and Craic” in a new solo run using €1 million of our Tourism campaign funding.

"The Pale"

The word “pale ” (An Pháil) derives ultimately from the Latin word palus, meaning a stake, used to support a fence and from this came the figurative meaning of boundary and eventually the phrase “beyond the pale” as something outside the boundary of an area from Dundalk to Carrickmines Castle, Dublin known today as gullible “Rural Ireland.”

Minister for Tourism Mary Hanafin TD said that this new radio and online campaign by Tourism Ireland would be seen by an audience of over 12 million, British tourists. She correctly states that Britain is the largest single source market for visitors to the island of Ireland and provides more than half of all visitors to the island. This campaign will involve direct marketing and social media initiatives, as well as promotions with tour operators and air and sea carriers. It will capitalises on the British market and intensively promote Dublin to the British holidaymaker.

Frank Magee of Dublin Tourism states: “The capital city attracted 1.5 million visitors from Britain last year, which resulted in five million bed nights, but losing its market share in Britain. Dublin has been the driver in Irish tourism, bolstering the Irish figures in recent years and there’s a realisation that if Dublin doesn’t do well, Ireland doesn’t do well.”

What a load of verbal diarrhea Mr Magee. Ireland’s false reputation of being an expensive holiday destination is spread by Tourists who spend too much time in Dublin drinking €3.50 cups of coffee served by staff who do not speak English .

Come on down to Tipperary folks if you want a holiday offering value for your money. Thurles is the ancestral home of your head of state, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, and it is here you can experience friendly relaxation, carefree fun and craic, your children can run wild and run free, the air is clean and you can find your car still parked where you left it the night before.

It would appear rural Irish taxpayers, for far to long, have been the silent and subservient suppliers of ‘money on demand’ to support Dublin tourism, so let us keep things in perspective remembering that in 2009 the Irish Hotels Federation represented almost 1,000 hotels and guesthouses throughout the whole country, which in turn employ over 59,000 people. It seems only proper that those beyond the Pale should like their fair slice of the tourism promotion cake.

How Much Money Was Spent Promoting Our Capital City Dublin In The Past Ten Or So Years?

€5m for “The Monument of Light” or “Spire Of Light” erected in O’Connell Street, better known by the names: ‘The Spike’, ‘The Stiletto in the Ghetto’, ‘The Erection at the Intersection’, ‘The Poker next to Croker’ and ‘The Stiffy in the Liffey’. At the time of its erection on O’Connell Street in 2003, the Spire Of Light was described as “self-cleaning”, but Dublin’s city council now concede that its maintenance cost €205,000 last year and will increase to at least €218,000 this year, and thats before they pick up a discarded chip bag.

Continue reading Dublin – A Plague On Your City Says Rural Ireland