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Roll Out The AstraZeneca

No well-known current day personalities get spared in this humours song, which comes courtesy of funny man Eamonn Macdonncha and his children, Ciarán aged 10 and Cóilín aged 7, all who shared in the performance of “Roll out the AstraZeneca” posted on YouTube.

Sit back and have a good laugh, sure there is nothing else you can be doing this Tuesday morning, as you pretend to work from home.

“Roll out the AstraZeneca”

Oh, lockdown nearly broke us
It’s brought us to our knees,
Thank god for Arthur Guinness
And for the PUPs.

Oh when will the public houses
Ever open the door?
At the rate of vaccination,
It’ll be 2024.

Well Varadkar got the vaccine
Just earlier in the week.
He had it only in his arm
And the thing began to leak!

Well they gave it to Arlene Foster
And it drove her half insane,
She claims she’s got some Fenian blood
And she wants to join Sinn Féin

There’s no one in the restaurants
And there’s no one in the pubs,
And there’s not a team in Ireland
That can stop the bloody Dubs.

When the Green’s get vaccinated
Eamonn Ryan’s boots will quake,
The biggest job they’ll have is
Trying to keep the whore awake.

When they jabbed the Queen of England
It created quite a spark,
They gave none to Meghan Markl
Saying her skin was way too dark.

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Thurles Humour

A woman and a baby were seated in the doctors surgery here in Thurles, Co. Tipperary. Both were waiting for the male doctor to arrive in, for the baby’s first 6 weeks examination.

When the doctor arrived, he began immediately to examine the baby. However, on checking the baby’s weight he became rather concerned and enquired if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Oh, Breast-fed”, the woman stated assuredly.

On informing her of his concerns he asked, “Perhaps you might strip down to your waist for me please”, said the doctor.

The woman quickly complied with his request.

The physician, first took her blood pressure, before gently squeezed both of her nipples, and then pressing and kneaded both of her ample breasts, briefly, in his efforts to give his now patient, a most professional and detailed examination.

Then motioning to her to get dressed again, the doctor stated “I fully understand why your baby is so under-weight; you don’t have any breast milk”.

“I fully agree with your diagnosis doctor”, said the woman, “but what has these facts got to do with the weight of the baby, I’m the baby’s grandmother.”

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Prodigal Daughter Returns To Thurles After 10 Year Absence.

A Tipperary girl who had not been seen here in her home town of Thurles for well over 10 years, last week turned up out of the blue, before casually walking into her parents three roomed thatched cottage.

Her mother started to weep, while her father hugged her tightly before yelled loudly at her.

“Where have you been for the last 10 years?” “Why did you not write to us; no not even one line?” “Why didn’t you call?”. “Can you not understand what you put your mother and me through; we thought you were dead.”

“Cecilia Reclining” by Scottish water colour artist and illustrator Sir William Russell Flint.

The girl, now crying, replied, “Dad I was just too embarrassed to come home, you see dad, I became a prostitute.”

“You became what?” shouted her father, “Get yourself out of here, bringing further ignominy on this family; now go on out of here quickly, you shameless hussy!”

“You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family, so you are, and everything we slaved for in order to bring you up proper” wailed her distraught mother.

The girl blew her nose in a large silk handkerchief, then dried her eyes, then with a defiant shake of her head stated, “OK Daddy, as you wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious Julien Vard fur coat; the title deed to an eight bedroom mansion, plus a bank draft for €100,000.

“Maybe you would be good enough to give my little brother Seamus, this gold Rolex, and for you Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible parked outside, is yours here are the keys. Oh and if you take a look in the glove compartment, you should find a life membership for the luxurious Adare Manor Golf Club“.

The girl then took a sharp intake of breath before continuing, “I take it you won’t be accepting my invitation for the whole family to spend St. Patrick’s weekend on board my new yacht, currently in dry dock in Antigua in the Caribbean.”

“Now tell me again what was it you said you had become?” said her father.

The girl burst into tears again, before stating under her breath “A prostitute Daddy, yes like it or not, a prostitute !”

“Oh! be Jasus” exclaimed the father, “Didn’t you scare me half to death daughter, sure I thought you said a protestant, now you come over here and give your old daddy another big hug to welcome you home”.

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Political Poster At Monakeeba, Thurles, Co. Tipperary Survives “Storm Ellen”.

Tipperary Co. Council Fail Again In Enacting Litter Pollution Laws.

General Election Poster at Monakeeba, Thurles, Co. Tipperary survives “Storm Ellen”.
Picture G. Willoughby. [Photo taken 21st August, 2020]

As we stated earlier Tipperary County Councillors, particularly those responsible for the Templemore/Thurles Municipal District, don’t get out much any more; what with recovering from the mental anguish they suffered during their May 2019 local election campaign; then, just 11 months later, their fear of catching the Covid-19 virus, and now having to cancel foreign holidays; forced into “Staycation” in a roofless Éire. [Unless of course you are a patriotic Sinn Féin councillor.]

The 2020 Irish general election took place on Saturday February 8th, 2020 to elect members to the 33rd Dáil Éireann, latter the lower house of the Ireland’s parliament. [And despite 3 parties in charge getting lower]. The election was called following the dissolution of the 32nd Dáil, by Mr Michael Daniel Higgins, ninth President of Ireland; and at the request of the then Taoiseach, Mr Leo Varadkar, on January 14th, 2020.

Some 29 weeks have now passed since that General Election date.

There is a requirement for candidates who put themselves forward for General Elections, to remove all political posters; including any cable ties, within 7 days following any election. Failure to comply with such conditions constitutes an offence under section 19 of the Litter Pollution Act 1997 and the Electoral (Amendment) (No. 2) Act 2009.

The responsibility for the enforcement of this stated litter law, here in Co. Tipperary, lies solely with the local authority, which in this case is Tipperary County Council and Templemore / Thurles Municipal District.

Travelling to view and walk the “Double Ditch” some days ago, I came across a continuing offender of this particular Litter Pollution Act, namely the failed German Prof. Dr. Dolores Cahill, latter a member of the minor right-wing, hard Eurosceptic political party here in Ireland, which call themselves ‘The Irish Freedom Party’, or is it ‘Yellow Vest Movement’, (So difficult to know who is who any more what with face masks being worn).

We had already notified Tipperary Co. Council on March 1st of 2 posters abandoned by Prof. Cahill, who had taken the opportunity to further introduce herself by breaching stipulated time frames as to such election posters. [No we are not aware what penalties were enacted in the past, if any.]

So what are the penalties in place for breaches of the legislation governing election posters?

Any election posters in place before or after the stipulated time-frame is deemed to be in breach of the legislation are subject to an on-the-spot litter fine of €150 per week.

By our ageing calculator, Dr. Dolores Cahill this week owes €4,354.00 to Tipperary County Council or Templemore / Thurles Municipal District.
Will they collect, we ask, thus assisting with the wages of the individuals racing around checking who has recycling bins and no doubt advising on how to get a 3 seater couch into a green bin?

It would appear that Irish Independent politician and Teachta Dála Mr Mattie McGrath isn’t the only one ‘asleep on the job’.

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Tipperary County Councillors Stress Over Japanese Knotweed

Tipperary County Councillors, particularly those responsible for the Templemore/Thurles Municipal District don’t get out much anymore; what with recovering from the mental anguish they suffered during their May 2019 local election campaign; then their fear of catching the Covid-19 virus just 11 months later and now having to cancel foreign holidays; forced to instead, spend time on ‘Staycation; during their pending 2020 summer holidays here in boring old Éire.

Possibly because of the coronavirus, no councillors have been answering their emails, since election time. Possibly because, as you our readers will be well aware, computers carry the corona virus and numerous other viruses and malicious malware.

Of course, nowadays, local councillors and even politicians require a hell of a lot more education than what was needed in the past.
In a Tipperary media report, Tipperary Councillor and little known botanist, Mr Kieran Bourke, informed the monthly meeting of the Council, that Japanese Knotweed continues to be a “vast problem” down Carrick-on-Suir way, South of the county.

Pictured L-R. Japanese Knotweed used to camouflage fly-tipping – One failed attempt to assassinate Japanese Knotweed.
Pictures G. Willoughby

We learn that a contractor working on behalf of the Tipperary Local Authority, over the last four years, has eradicated this plant on sites listed for treatment. [Well not all exactly eradicated all, as just one picture shown above will attest.]

We learn that Transport Infrastructure Ireland (TII) has allocated funding of €11,000 to the Tipperary Co. Council in April 2020, all part of the 2020 Invasive Alien Plant Species plan. We are aware that some 17 sites on national routes around Co. Tipperary were not fully eradicated, despite receiving treatment, between the years 2016 and December 2019, with some now demonstrating signs of re-growth. [Here is one of the few occupations where personnel can get paid consistently for failure. One other occupatin being elected as a Municipal District councillor.]

While we are not aware of what botanical scientific studies, if any, has ever been undertaken by Cllr. Bourke, we would like to highlight recent qualified research, same undertaken by Principal Ecologist Dr. Mark Fennell, latter employed at the engineering firm AECOM.

As part of many years of research, Dr. Fennell’s team looked closely for evidence of the threat by Japanese Knotweed. His team surveyed information supplied by invasive species control contractors and property surveyors and had access to residential properties where Japanese knotweed was known to have been located.

His findings and that of his research team had “found nothing to suggest that Japanese knotweed causes significant damage to buildings – even when it is growing in close proximity and certainly no more damage than caused by other species”.

Dr. Fennell further confirmed that fears regarding Knotweed growing through concrete were not borne out by any real evidence. “It would break the laws of physics if it could grow through concrete, and it absolutely cannot do that. What it can do is grow through cracks in concrete, but it can’t cause those same cracks.

Tipperary County Councillors stressed out, worrying about the growth of Japanese Knotweed, can now relax on holiday. Here in Thurles local residences use this plant very successfully to hide redundant vacuum cleaners and fridge freezers, dumping same in early spring to avoid detection. [See picture above.]

While Tipperary Co. Council, through their Department of the Environment, foolishly continue to waste money using employees to call, checking on homes in the hope that they may find people who have no recycling bins; those people with these bins tell Thurles.Info that worn-out 3 seater leather couches; armchairs of various descriptions; burnt out lawn mower engines and fridge freezers don’t actually fit into any of their green waste bin. The result is inevitably, with the lack of a Recycling /Waste Civic Amenity Site, local fly-tipping will takes place, latter encouraged by Tipperary Co. Council’s inability to solve a simple basic problem.

WEEE collection days in Tipperary postponed due to COVID-19 virus.

We noted Free WEEE Collection Days scheduled for May 2020 were postponed due to the COVID-19 virus until further notice. Free disposal was offered at Civic Amenity Sites on Friday’s from 8:30am – 4:30pm and for a half day on Saturdays.
Note these Civic Amenity Sites were named as Nenagh Civic Amenity; Roscrea Civic Amenity; Tipperary: Donohill Civic Amenity; Cashel: Waller’s Lot Civic Amenity; Clonmel: Carrigeen Civic Amenity.

Wait a minute: Question: “Where is the Thurles: Civic Amenity?” Answer: “There is no Civic Amenity in Thurles”. Haven’t we told you that time and time again.

Tomorrow morning, as usual TippFM radio will grant locally elected reps; community activists; politicians, etc. speaking time on matters which they believe will give the impression that they are working for the good of their community. Time now to ask the Question, “Who is holding up efforts to provide a Waste Civic Amenity here in Thurles”. Time now to ‘name and shame‘ those involved.

Meanwhile Tipperary County Council plan to spend €48,000 or €12,000 in each one of the four Tipperary Municipal District this year to attempt to eradicate this non-native plant.

Could we not use the control methods used in Victorian times? Could the council not purchase Nanny goats, latter who love and trive eating Japanese Knotweed? The ‘Resveratrol’, found afterwards in the goat’s milk could possibly assist in aiding cholesterol, blood pressure, cancer, heart disease, age-related cognitive decline and many other health conditions which this plant can help.

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