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NAMA How It Will Work

in-thoughtThe Government has announced plans for the National Asset Management Agency (NAMA), which will operate as an independent commercial entity under the aegis of the National Treasury Management Agency.
This initiative will require new legislation and the Government intends to enact, God willing, the National Asset Management Agency Act by October 2009, if still in power.

But how will NAMA work I hear you say?

How NAMA Will Work Explained

Well just follow carefully this simple case study, which we present in an uncomplicated form hereunder and all will be immediately revealed.

First close your eyes and imagine it is September, the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. In Thurles the town shops are deserted and yes it’s raining again. Times are tough and every business owner is lying with one shoulder propped against the paint chipped door post of his ‘Best Value’ establishment. He desperately scans the grey horizon eagerly searching his inward eye to find some form of leadership. He, or she indeed, has so far survived this recession living by juggling VISA, Next Millennium Mastercard, American Express, and Chase Freedom credit cards.

Suddenly weary hearts are lifted by the rare sight of a tourist parking his Mercedes Benz (E Class Coupe) in Liberty Square. All heads watch in eager anticipation as the occupant enters the local hostelry (that’s a hotel to you and me).  Now peering discreetly (as one often does) through the rain splattered windows, they observe this tourist place a €100 note on the Hotel reception counter, asserting his right to go upstairs and inspect the bedrooms currently on offer, before finally booking his accommodation.

Once the Tourist is out of sight, a determined hotel proprietor quickly grabs the €100 Euro note in sweaty hands and races out to pay the local butcher for a consignment of streaky rashers, long since digested.

The butcher, in turn, tightly grasping this €100 note, runs to pay his debt to the local pig farmer who has been threatening him with legal action.

The pig farmer takes the €100 note, and runs to pay his debt to the local Co-Op for animal feed and diesel fuel (not mixed).

The Co-Operative owner takes the €100 note and rushes out to pay his crack cocaine supplier thus avoiding the awaited visit from a couple of “the boys” hell bent on breaking both his legs.

The cocaine supplier sends one of “his boys” back to the hotel to pay a final demand received in respect of unpaid conferencing facilities which he had been goaded into sponsoring, by some out of the way branch of Ográ FF.

The hotel proprietor then quickly straightens the crinkles out of the €100 note and lays it back on the reception counter, eagerly awaiting the foreign tourist’s return with his receptionist (latter also his valued Wedding Cordinator) from upstairs.

The tourist now comes back and picks up his €100 note and placing it firmly, once again, back in his wallet, stating that since the broadband is so slow, he is forced to seek alternative lodgings and drives off, heading in the general direction of Baile Átha Cliath (that’s Dublin).  He was heard muttering something about the Derrynaflan Chalice not on show to the public, where it ought to be, together with further inaudible noises which appeared to insinuate, according to Paddy Ryan, that the local water supply could be contaminated. John swears he overheard something about ‘toxic assets’.

So to further analyse this case study, note no business had made a profit, however, these Thurles business people are now without debt for another month, and will continue to look to the future with hope, self-confidence and their chance to vote on the Lisbon Treaty.

Well hopefully, at least the brightest of you readers can now sleep in the knowledge that you fully understand how the present Irish Government intends to carry on its day to day business over the coming months and years.

Me, well I’m off to finish reading a script relating to Article 6(2) of the Treaty On European Union, on the Accession of the Union to the European Convention on the Protection of Human Rights and Fundamental Freedoms.

I have a feeling that it could come in handy soon.

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