Transport « Thurles Information

Space Tourism – Thurles Xmas Advert Soars Out Of This World

“The rotation of earth really makes my day.” (Think about this quote. Get It? OK continue on anyway.)

Captain’s Log, Star-date December 6th 2017:-

Tourism Ireland’s senior delegates, envoys and ambassadors, today were described as being somewhat deflated, having launched a failed stratospheric advertising campaign to highlight Sceilg Mhichíl, latter a rapidly decaying rocky outcrop, west of the Iveragh Peninsula in County Kerry, and which played a small role in the latest Star Wars saga, ‘The Last Jedi’.

The Force Awakens

Tourism Ireland’s billboard rose skyward just 33km (20.5 miles) above planet Earth, launched with the help of a weather balloon, while a similar Thurles billboard jetted to an amazing altitude of some 435 km (just over 270 miles) propelled by means of reboost manoeuvres, using a Briggs & Stratton rocket boosted lawn mower engine, one day previous.

One of the many images captured during the launched Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign, as it headed for the “Dark Side”. One “Black Hole” was located during the campaign, found in a black sock, worn by a launchpad crew member.

A spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated that Tourism Ireland’s attempt to be the first to advertise in space had failed miserably, firstly; since it was launched the day after the Thurles space departure, and secondly; no single human or alien had actually viewed the image on the billboard, while it remained in space. This project therefore must be perceived as the greatest waste of taxpayers money (to use the words of Rowan Atkinson in Black Adder) since, “Olaf the Hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside”.

The Thurles launch however had been viewed, as it flew past, by the crew of Expedition 53, all arsing around on board the International Space Station (ISS). Expedition 53, made up namely by Mr Joe Acaba, Mr Alexander Misurkin, Mr Mark Vande Hei, Mr Sergey Ryanzansky and Mr Paolo Nespoli, were all ordered by Commander Randy Bresnik, to scramble and man their laser weapons, fearing, understandably that they were about to be interfered with by an alien craft from outside our galaxy.

A grinning spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated, “The Thurles picture advert, which was launched skyward earlier, featured an image of the Christmas lights in Liberty Square, Thurles, Co Tipperary, and fully demonstrated the fullest commitment yet, that Tipperary Councillors and Politicians from all political parties were fully behind efforts to continue our growth in tourism in the area”. “Demands for access to visit Thurles have been unprecedented since the lights were switched on”, he continued.

The Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign was launched from beside the Stone Man here in Liberty Square, in the town at 3.07 hrs GMT and returned from orbit safely, to exactly the same precise area, at 14.00 hrs; thus landing before our daily traffic-jam of parents had emerged to collect their offspring’s from schools and collages.

God help us and those who manage our public finances, if not “May The Force Be With Us”.

Woman Dead Following North Tipperary Car Crash

The only occupant of a car has died following a car crash on the M7 motorway early this morning. The single vehicle incident, involving a female driver, believed to be in her 70’s, happened between Junction 24 (Toomevara / Nenagh) and Junction 23 (Moneygall) northbound, here in Co. Tipperary at around 7.00am.

Initial investigations indicate that the vehicle driven by the victim may have hit a barrier. A section of the motorway between both Junctions is expected to remains closed for several hours, to facilitate a Garda forensic collision investigation.

This latest Tipperary fatality brings to 8 in number, the people killed on Tipperary roads to date in 2017.

Witnesses are being asked to contact Nenagh Garda Station Tel: 067 50450; the Garda Confidential Line Tel: 1800-666-111 or indeed any Garda Station.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a h-anam dílis.

Diversions In Place On Thurles / Nenagh Road

The R498 road, linking Nenagh with Thurles, has been closed this morning between Ballinamona Cross south of Nenagh and Fantane, north of Borrisoleigh village.

The closure has been caused by an accidental fuel spill and the emergency services are currently dealing with the problem.

Motorists are being asked to take extreme care while driving in the area, and to follow diversion signs in place, thus avoiding the area.

Serious Vehicle Collision On Outskirts Of Thurles

Motorists travelling the Thurles to Nenagh Road (R498), are being asked to take care, following a serious road traffic accident, earlier this afternoon.

The accident has occurred near Thurles Racecourse, and directly opposite Stakelums Racecourse Retail Park, on the outskirts of Thurles.

Gardaí together with members of Thurles Fire Brigade and two Ambulance vehicles are presently attending at the scene.

One lane of the roadway is fully blocked, on the Racecourse side, resulting in traffic being slowed down and directed by Gardaí and members of the fire brigade.

Actual details of the accident and any injuries arising, have not yet been established.

Man Killed In Chainsaw Accident In Tipperary

Photo Courtesy M. Bannon, Littleton.

Motorists are being asked to be careful when travelling on the R639 between Horse & Jockey and Littleton as a large tree has been blown down, courtesy of Storm Ophelia, blocking the roadway.

This news comes as we also learn that a male has been killed in a chainsaw accident, while attempting to clear a fallen tree, in south Co. Tipperary.

The man, aged in his early 30s, was gravely injured while attempting to clear a fallen tree at Ballybrado, Cahir, Co. Tipperary, at around 12.30pm this afternoon.

His body has since been removed to Clonmel Hospital, Co. Tipperary.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a anam dílis.