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sunset: 9:32 pm


Death Of Bridget Maher, Ballydavid, Littleton, Thurles

It was with great sadness we learned of the death yesterday, Wednesday 26th July 2017, of Mrs Bridget Maher (née Ryan-Sally), Ballydavid, Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Predeceased by her husband Thomas; the passing of Mrs Maher is most deeply regretted by her loving sons Eamon, Seamus and Patrick; daughter Anne; grandchildren David, Eimear, Luke, Aoife, Ellen and Aisling; son-in-law Tom; daughters-in-law Fiona and Kathleen; sister Kathleen; brother-in-law Dick; sisters-in-law Bab and Rita; nieces; nephews; extended relatives; neighbours and friends.

Funeral Arrangements
The earthly remains of Mrs Maher will repose on Friday 28th July 2017, at the residence of her son Seamus (Ballydavid, Littleton), from 5.00pm to 8.00pm. Removal will take place on Saturday to St. Kevin’s Church, Littleton at 11.00am for Requiem Mass at 11.30am, followed by interment immediately afterwards in Ballymoreen Cemetery, Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a h-anam dílis.


Warning As Gardaí Particularly Active In Rural Tipperary

[Another chuckle hopefully for Thurles native Eileen Leen. Good morning Eileen and thank you for your message.]

Mikey Ryan’s wife Caoimhe, was heading for Centenary Thurles Co-Op creamery, on the Templemore road, carrying two churns of fresh milk. She was trotting along nice and steady, seated on her donkey and cart, when without warning her distant thoughts were interrupted, with the haulting of her conveyance by none other than Thurles Gardaí.

“Ma’am”, said the Sergeant, “I’m not going to summons you this time, but I do have to issue you with a warning, as you have a defective reflector on the rear of your donkeys cart”.

“Oh begod”, said Caoimhe,“Faith I’ll let Mikey know about that just as soon as I get home.”

“That’s fine” said the officer, “Oh and by the way one other thing ma’am,  I don’t like the way that one end of the asses reins is lying across the animals back, while the other end appears to be attached to his testicles. In this day and age this situation could be easily misconstrued as a cruelty to animals case, resulting in a court appearance. So best to get your husband to takes care of that reins issue as well”.

The Gardaí left about their business and later that morning, over the 11.00am tea break, having unloaded two churns of skimmed milk for the pigs; Caoimhe tells her husband about her encounter with Thurles Gardaí.

“What exactly did the Sergeant say?” said Mikey.
“He said my reflector was defective” said Caoimhe.
“It’s all these bloody new European Union (EU) safety farming rules and regulations brought in” said Mikey, “Still no problem, sure I can fix that in a few minutes; now was there anything else?”.
“I’m not really sure exactly”, said Caoimhe, “these uniformed individuals are inclined to fluster me, but I thing he wasn’t too happy about the donkeys emergency braking system.”

Yea, with these new EU rules, sure you’d be truly kept on your toes here in rural Tipperary. So why don’t you drop in some time, sure there’s always tae in the pot.


Death Of Jimmy Lennon, Cluain Airne, Monadreen, Thurles

It was with great sadness we learned of the death today, Wednesday 26th July 2017, of Mr Jimmy Lennon, Cluain Airne, Monadreen, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Predeceased by his wife Ellen and son Patrick; the passing of Mr Lennon is most deeply regretted by his loving daughter Maureen; son James; grandchildren; great-grandchildren; sisters Peggie, Mary, Josie and Breda; brothers Tom and Sean; daughter-in-law Teresa; son-in-law Walter; nieces; nephews; brothers-in-law; sisters-in-law; extended relatives; neighbours and many good friends.

Funeral Arrangements
The earthly remains of Mr Lennon will repose at Hugh Ryan’s Funeral Home, Slievenamon Road, Thurles, on Friday, 28th July, from 5.30pm to 8.00pm, to arrive at the Cathedral of The Assumption, Thurles at 8.30pm.

Requiem Mass will take place on Saturday morning, July 29th, at 11.00am, followed by interment immediately afterwards in St. Patrick’s Cemetery, Moyne Road, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a anam dílis.


Thurles Well Known Resident Arrested By Gardaí

Well known Thurles resident, Mr Mikey Ryan, was arrested last week, as he returned from a trout fishing expedition, on the banks of the river Suir, near Boherlahan, Holycross, Co. Tipperary.

Speeding in an old battered car and coming up to Holycross Bridge, a member of An Garda Síochána stepped out armed with a ‘Radar Speed Gun’ forcing Mickey to brake heavily and come to a screeching halt.

“Well Sir”, said the Garda, “Are you aware that you were travelling at 87km/h in an area designated as suitable only for speeds of 50km/h.

“Begorra, you actually know what speed I was going”, said Mikey, “Isn’t modern technology great”.  The Garda stuck his head through the window sniffing for the possible presence of consumed alcohol on Mikey’s breath; however, all he got was the stench of his fish catch and rotting fish bait.

An image of two fat trout, freshly fried, began to materialised on the Garda’s inward eye. This illusion further grew to include a large side portion of grilled cabbage wedges with spicy lime dressing. His mouth watering at the possible prospect, so the young Garda decided to ‘chance his arm’, in the hope of organising a possible alternative to issuing Mikey with a hefty fine.

“It’s 4.00pm on a Wednesday, which leads me to believe, Sir, that you are currently unemployed”, stated the Garda, “Which in turn leads me to believe that you probably won’t be able pay the summons I am about to issue”.

“I’ve got a job”, said an indignant Mikey, “Now it wouldn’t pay as much as a those working in the public sector, but nevertheless it pays a great deal more than the minimum wage”.
“What job would that be”, asked the Garda in disbelief.
“I’m a professional 24 hour, round the clock, Rectum Stretcher”, said Mikey.
“What the hell is a rectum stretcher”, queried the Garda.
“Well”, said Mikey, “It’s simple; when consumers want my services, they call me to their homes and I attend at the stated time, to stretch rectums. Depending on their precise instructions I stretch some rectums six inches, others 12 inches, others two feet and a few as big as six feet even in length”.

“Six feet”, snorted the Garda, “What the hell would you do with a six-foot asshole?”
“That obvious surely”, said Mikey, “You give it a Radar Speed Gun and stick it at the end of Holycross bridge at 4.00pm on a Wednesday afternoon”. 

Mikey is expected to be released from Portlaoise any day during the next three months.


Thurles Stuffed Olives Incident Explained

The Arch Bar, Liberty Square in Thurles had barely opened its doors, when Mikey Ryan entered its welcoming portals.

Without so much as a ‘good morning’ or a ‘how are you’, Mikey demanded ” A large Martini.”

The Martini now presented; before consuming it, Mikey removed the accompanying ‘Pimiento Pepper Stuffed Olive’ from his drink, before carefully lodging it into a small glass jar, which he had removed from his inside pocket.

Two minutes later Mikey ordered another Martini and proceeded to carry out the same procedure; removing the olive from his drink to the small glass jar in his inside pocket.

After about an hour, now full of Martini’s, and with the glass jar tightly packed full of stuffed olives, Mikey retreated from the licensed premises.

“Well”, said an American tourist, who had been carefully watching Mikey, “Sure I never saw anything as peculiar as that!”

“So what’s so peculiar about it”, replied the barman, “Sure didn’t his wife send him out to get a jar of stuffed olives.”