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Thurles
Partly sunny
17°C
real feel: 16°C
wind speed: 3 m/s S
sunrise: 7:22 am
sunset: 7:22 pm
 

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Death Of Margaret Kelliher, Tubberadora, Thurles

It was with great sadness we learned of the death yesterday, September 23rd 2017, of Mrs Margaret Kelliher (née Walsh), Tubberadora, Thurles, Co. Tipperary

Mrs Kelliher passed away peacefully, while in the care of South Tipperary General Hospital, and following a short illness.

The beloved wife of the late Mick; her passing is most deeply regretted by her loving sister Eileen Moloney; brother Conor (Luton); nephews; nieces; grandnephews; grandnieces; extended relatives; neighbours and friends.

Funeral Arrangements
The earthly remains of Mrs Kelliher will repose at Devitt’s Funeral Parlour, Cashel, on tomorrow evening, Monday, from 5.30pm with removal at 7.30pm to the Church of The Immaculate Conception, Boherlahan, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Requiem Mass will be held on Tuesday morning at 11.30am, followed by interment immediately afterwards in Ardmayle Cemetery.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a h-anam dílis.

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Death Of Gerard Quigley, Highfield Court, Thurles

It is with great sadness we learned of the death today, Sunday 24th September 2017, of Mr Gerard (Gerry) Quigley, Highfield Court, Cabra Road, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Predeceased by his sister Angela; Mr Quigley passed away, while in the wonderful care of the Matron and Staff of Milford Hospice, Co. Limerick.

His passing is most deeply regretted by his loving wife Winnie; daughters Olivia and Linda; granddaughter Isabelle; sisters Breda and Marian; sons-in-law Mick Collins and David Shorley; brother-in-law; sisters-in-law; nephews; nieces; extended relatives, kind neighbours and many good friends.

Funeral Arrangements
The earthly remains of Mr Quigley will repose at Hugh Ryan’s Funeral Home, Slievenamon Road, Thurles, on Tuesday next 26th September from 4.30pm to 6.30pm, to arrive at the Cathedral of The Assumption, Cathedral Street, Thurles, Co. Tipperary at 7.00pm.

Requiem Mass will be held on Wednesday morning, 27th September, at 11.00am, followed by interment immediately afterwards in St Patrick’s Cemetery, Moyne Road, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

Go ndéana Dia trócaire ar a anam dílis.

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Migrant Fairies Escape To Tipperary

As one eye said to the other, “Don’t look now but something between us smells.”

Graffiti, it’s everywhere in Thurles; on every Street; on the Doors and Walls of trading business premises; on Electrical and Telephone interconnecting thingamajig metal casings; Car Parks, River Suir Walkway walls, Signposts, the new Source Theatre and yes we know who is responsible, armed nightly with ladders, it’s ‘The Fairies’.

[Music used with this video hereunder is appropriately called – “King Of The Fairies” ]

Down in Co. Kerry that celebrated and wise old Teachta Dála (TD) Mr Danny Healy-Rae spotted it first, claiming ‘The Little People’ or the fairies were interfering with roads.

He claimed fairy mounds (or ‘Liosanna’) were impeded by the National Roads Authority in the area of the main Killarney to Cork traffic route, resulting in a surface dip mysteriously re-appearing on a regular basis.  Those living abroad may not be aware that Fairy forts and prehistoric Tumuli (ancient burial mounds) were seen by previous generations of Irish people as the entrances to the fairy world. Even the cutting of a ‘Sceach-thorn’ bush (Whitethorn) on fairy mounds was punishable by these “Good People”, resulting often in the death of all who performed such acts.

When Graffiti first appeared in Thurles, many of our residents believed that Banksy, the anonymous England-based graffiti artist, political activist, and film director of unconfirmed identity, had come amongst us to reside. Local Banksy experts within Tipperary Co.Co., however, quickly confirmed that this doodling was not his work; claiming instead that this was the mere scrawling of some 6 of our 2,569 Thurles town unemployed persons, lending further credence to the well known phrase, “the devil finds work for idle hands”.

However a ‘leaked document’, recently seen by this website and emanating from a prominent Tipperary Councillor, rejects this belief, claiming that this graffiti is the work of ‘migrant fairies’; foreign nationalists if you will; latter forced to flee across the border from persecution in Co. Kerry.

This Councillor in his statement, claims that proof; (as if further proof was needed), is that these fairies are totally invisible, with the Thurles closed-circuit television (CCTV), (which cost one hundred thousand Euro to install just 3 years previously), now unable to visually capture the images of these fairies at work, due to night fog.

This leaked document also states that despite efforts by Tipperary Co. Co. to attract employment to Thurles, through the Industrial Development Authority (IDA), alas no site visits by the latter have as yet materialised.  This we understand is not due to the lack of broadband speed, nor the fact that Tipperary hospital patients are the worst affected by overcrowding, in the country and most likely to die in an ambulance.

Keep it to yourselves but the remarks reported by one senior official in the IDA and quoted in this leaked document, states; “The town of Thurles looks like shit, and those on paid salaries and tasked with the job of upgrading its profile, are believed to be either dead or in deep slumber”.

To those politically motivated individuals who will send me emails in the coming days, claiming that I am showing Thurles in a poor light; I say get out of your SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle), your BMW, Mercedes-Benz, Lexus, Audi, Ferrai or Porsche; come, take a walk on the wild-side.

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Thurles Man Confesses Theft From Employer

Thurles, The Cathedral Town

Thurles born, Mikey Ryan, following a recent health scare, decided it would be best to confide a previously undisclosed, yet nagging secret, to his local parish priest.

“After all God sees everything”, as Mikey pointed out to me, “so it would be only logical to get things sorted out down here on earth, instead of slowing down others on their processional route, through Heaven’s Pearly Gates”.

I must say personally that I felt Mikey should have kept his secret, especially what with the cost of Mortgages now-a-days and the inability of Banks to loan out money; but Mikey remained adamant. True to his word, down in the Confessional of the Cathedral of The Assumption here in Cathedral Street, Thurles, last Friday; Mikey finally admitted that he had been stealing materials from the building supplier, who had kept him gainfully employed for the past 45 years.

“Have you no shame and are you not aware of the moral imperative laid down by God in His commandments”, asked a chastising old priest.

“Surely you remember your catechism and the words, ‘Thou shalt not steal’. Remember the words also, my son, ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour’s’,” rhymed off the old priest, “Indeed my son you have grievously broken not one, but two of God’s Commandments, through endeavouring to scheme, covet and acquire another man’s possessions”.

The old priest paused briefly before asking, “So what did you actually steal from your employer and neighbour, my son”.

“Well Father, to be totally honest,  I stole, over the past 40 years, enough to build my own four bedroomed house; then there was my son’s house, and two other houses for both of me daughters”, confessed Mikey.

“Oh and Father in the last year I built a small week-end fishing lodge over on the shores of Lough Derg, to accommodate myself and a couple of me mates to hangout in”, continued Mikey, making a conscious decision to rid himself of his entire guilty secret, once and for all.

“This is truly a serious matter my son”, stated the priest,  “Pray now to God, seeking forgiveness, while I think of an appropriate penance for your most grievous of sin.”

Some minutes later the old priest asked,  “Tell me Mikey have you ever done a retreat in the past”.

Mikey thought for a moment, before replying, “Begob no Father I haven’t, but sure look if you can produce the plans, I can get you most of the necessary building supplies”.

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Funds Awarded To Study Crop Protection & Clean Energy

Food Producers in Co. Tipperary have welcomed the news that the Environmental Protection Agency are to announce two new research projects, to be funded through the Science Foundation Ireland’s Investigator Programme.

As part of this strategic partnership the Environmental Protection Agency will co-fund two five-year research projectsv as follows:

  • Trinity College Dublin (Frank Wellmer) – looking at crop protection (A new avenue for crop protection: generating Brassica cultivars with supernumerary trichomes).
  • University of Limerick (Michael Zaworotko) – looking at clean energy (Green Adsorbents for Clean Energy).

These awards were announced at the Science Foundation Ireland Award Ceremony which took place in Trinity College Dublin this week.

Alice Wemaere, EPA Research Manager, stated: “We are delighted to build on the success of previous collaborations between the Environmental Protection Agency and Science Foundation Ireland. The two projects awarded funding today have the potential to yield significant environmental, economic and societal benefits for Ireland and will add to the range of EPA research that provides pathways to a low-carbon, sustainable future. The EPA wants to maximise the impact and benefit of its research funding for society and will therefore continue to seek co-funding and strategic collaboration opportunities to support environmental research.”

This SFI Programme is designed to support the development of world-class research and human capital in the areas of science, engineering and mathematics (STEM), that demonstrably support and underpin enterprise competitiveness and societal development in Ireland.

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