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Well-known local Thurles artist and teacher Mr P.J. O’Connell was approached by a rare enough spectacle in Thurles this week; that of a couple of English tourists who had lost their way, but both asking where they could find a sign indicating that Thurles was truly twinned with the town of Bollington, in Cheshire, England.
From personal vague recollection, I seem to remember that, some years ago, signs did exist on the three major roads leading into Thurles, but all have now vanished; removed it is believed locally, by wicked fairies wearing reflective yellow jackets, seen operating in the area.
 Thurles, Co. Tipperary. On behalf of local elected town councillors I wish to state, using the most passionate of discourse; that the idea of twinning Thurles was not an idea dreamed up by a local elected representative, to gain access to junkets abroad; to be paid for by unsuspecting local ratepayers.
Thurles, Co. Tipperary is twinned with Bollington, (locally nicknamed “Happy Valley”), Cheshire East, in England, once a major centre for cotton spinning. The twinning of Bollington and Thurles made history in its own right, being the first such act between an English town and an Irish counterpart here in the Republic of Ireland.
It was Mr Claude Charles Harlington, (MBE); the first Town Clerk of the newly created Bollington Town Council, back in 1979, and the former Thurles Town Clerk, Mr Michael Ryan, who both correctly and energetically supported the decision to twin both towns.
Thurles of course is also twinned with Salt Lake City, in the State of Utah, United States of America.
Artist Mr O’Connell naturally contacted Thurles.Info to further confirm that no such signs currently existed, and “to be sure, to be sure”, like the Dublin man, we here at Thurles.Info did our living best to locate same, including having a ‘tête-à-tête’ with the head buck cat of the fairies; but alas to no avail.
Of course, we were however delighted to see two other important signs vividly displayed and greatly encouraging tourism; positioned on the entrance roads into Thurles; e.g. (A) “Failte go Durlas Eile, Welcome to Thurles, Home of Erin Foods” and (B) “Thurles.ie.”
Hold on here a feckin second; did I not read somewhere that Erin Foods, which had been in operation in Thurles, Co Tipperary, for some 46 years, had closed nine years ago this month, (June 2008), with the loss of 95 jobs, the latter which were never replaced.
As for the sign for the website ‘Thurles.ie’; (I beg of you readers please, do try not to laugh out loud) for it is with sadness I report that someone in our Municipal District forgot to pay the annual €9 charge for the host name ‘Thurles.ie’. On the 21st March 2017 it was snapped up by Mardukas Technologies Limited, latter who are currently cybersquatting on the name.
Go on, I dare you; try typing ‘Thurles.ie’ into your top Google address panel and experience the thrill that shows that it points to a Swedish casino site, who in turn are informing possible Ireland Ancient East tourists in Swedish that, “Vi guidar dig till de bästa casinobonusarna”, which translated means, “We will guide you to the best casino bonuses.” (Sure maybe tourists will think that the Two-Mile-Borris Casino is up and running.)
It was the Greek philosopher Plato, the founder of the first institution of higher learning in the Western world, in Athens, who stated “If you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools.”
  
Members of the Thurles Guild of the Irish Country Women’s Association (ICA) will entertain retired residents of the Sue Ryder Complex, latter situated in Holycross, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, on tomorrow evening.
 Pictured Above L-R :- ICA members and the comedy trio of :- Mary Minchin (playing FF Councillor Mr Dale), Julia Stapleton (Playing Mrs Bernie Dale, his long suffering wife), and Mary O’Dwyer (playing the Doctor and Consultant Sex Therapist). A much enjoyed annual event; the retired residents at Sue Ryder Complex can expect a night of chat, music, song, dance and comedy performed by this talented Thurles Guild, together with party refreshments, during the course of the evening.
Why don’t you discover the joy of making new friends?
Founded initially in 1910, the Irish Country Women’s Association has stood the test of time and today remains the largest women’s organisation in Ireland, with a membership in excess of 15,000 affiliates.
Today ICA guilds can be found in almost every town and village in Ireland, with membership accepted from the age of 16 upwards, offering a warm welcome wherever you live in Ireland.
Why not find out about the Guild near you today and discover the wealth of activities available to you, from artistic – to cultural – to educational. If you are interested in joining the Thurles Guild, why not drop in for a chat on either the first or third Wednesday of each month. You will find them in the Thurles Band Hall, Stradavoher, Thurles, (Entrance on left, beside and facing F & M Motors) and their meetings begin sharp at 8.00pm.
Here you can keep fit, learn more about fashion, beauty, photography, drama and the latest in technology etc, while acquiring close friendship, real support and a chance to exchange ideas and share confidences.
Our rural independent correspondent Mr M. Bannon reports on a near tragic event in the village of Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, this morning:-
 A father walked into Darmody’s Bar in the village of Littleton to have a lunch time pint with his young son. To keep his son occupied, he gave the young boy three single Euro coins with which to play; to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the father noticed that the boy and had gone blue in the face and appeared to be choking. Realizing the boy had possibly swallowed one or more of the coins he began to perform abdominal trusts, better known as the Heimlich Maneuver, which as most people are aware is a first aid procedure successfully used to treat airway obstructions caused by the swallowing of foreign objects.
Immediately the boy coughed up two of the Euro coins, but continued to choke on a third object.
A woman, in a blue business suit, sitting nearby, reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee was attracted by the sound of the commotion being made by father and son. Folding her newspaper she places it on a table and made her way across to the distressed couple.
Quickly she drops the boys pants, and taking hold of his genitals, she starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last one Euro coin. Releasing the boy’s genitals, the woman calmly walks back to her coffee and newspaper, without so much as a remark.
Having checked his son had suffered no ill effects, the father went over to the woman to thank her. “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, you were simply fantastic. Are you a doctor? “ the father asked.
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m an Income Tax Inspector with the Office of the Revenue Commissioners.”
 Liberty Square, Thurles Carpenters Mickey and Paddy were erecting shelving in a new shop due to open shortly in the soon to be revitalised area known as Liberty Square, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.
Now following the 25 year public consultation period, this urgent project is headed back to the Consultants, latter who will provide the final designs, well maybe before Christmas, God willing.
“It’s nearly ten o’clock; we’ll get the tae now and then we’ll take another run at it”, said Mickey. Paddy plugged in the grubby old electric kettle and then both men sat up on their work bench to watch the passing shoppers on Liberty Square.
“Jaysus” said Mickey “There is Jossy Taylor gone past. I heard he was stopped by the fuzz yesterday after his wife fell out of the car. Mickey grinned, “Did ya not know that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back asked Sgt. Brannigan?”.
“The good Lord be praised Sergeant, replies our Jossy, sure here was me thinkin I’d gone totally deaf.” mimics Mickey in a voice rather like Jossy’s own.
Paddy smiled “That would be our Jossy all right, sure I believe he was part of that mystery coach tour last week that decided to run a €1 sweepstake to guess where they would eventually end up.” “How right you are”, said Mickey, “Sure I heard the driver of the coach was buying his buddies drink up in the Arch Bar, having won €48.00.”
Mickey surveyed their slow progress of the current job in hand, and with only a few shelves set up, he announced to Paddy, “You know” says he, “I bet you any money some nosy parker is going to walk up to here and put their face up to the window, before asking what we’re selling.”
True to prophesy, no sooner had the words left his mouth, when local elderly widow and gossiper Molly Finucane walked up to the white fogged window. Shading her eyes with one hand, she copped the movement of the boys inside. “What are you selling here?” she yelled.
“We’re selling ass-holes”, Mickey replied sarcastically in a loud voice.
“Be god, ye must be doing well then”, screeched Molly, “I see you have only two left in stock”.
“Come on Paddy and make that brew”, says Mickey, “Sure it’s nearly dinner time and we haven’t so much as driven a feckin nail today yet.”
Mikey and Biddy Grant had two boys, Gerry and Joe aged 12 and 14, “proper bould mischievous brats, badly in need of a regular trimmin,” according to ‘The Widow Scanlan’, who constantly regretted the day she had ever accepted the keys from the Templemore / Thurles Municipal District Council, to find herself now in residence next door to the these neighbours from hell.
 Parents Mikey and Biddy Grant would have been the first to accept that any mischief that occurred in the town of Thurles; 99% of same would and could be attributed to one, or the other, or indeed both of their sons. Indeed, Sergeant Sean Brannigan was heard to say, on more than one occasion, that those Grant boys, if only caught and locked up, same would solve 95% of all criminal acts occurring in the town.
Their mother Biddy, in particular, was embarrassingly aware and indeed sick to the teeth of every day complaints and that well worn track up her drive, worn by threatening townsfolk, and Gardaí, asking questions regarding the whereabouts of Gerry and Joe Grant.
Last week Biddy got word that a new priest in Thurles had a great proven success rate in disciplining mischievous youngsters, and setting them on the straight and narrow in avoiding criminal behaviour. After Mass in Thurles Cathedral last Sunday she called into the sacristy. Admitting her own failings as a parent; she pleaded that this priest would speak severely and “straighten out” her young lads.
A somewhat reluctant priest agreed, but insisted on seeing Gerry and Joe as individuals. On the Monday morning, Biddy sent her 12-year-old first; with the older boy scheduled to visit the priest later in the afternoon.
Fr. Jimmy Ryan, a giant of a man with a thunderous, booming voice, sat Gerry Grant down and asked him sternly “Where is God?”
A wide-eyed Gerry’s mouth dropped open, without a response.
Now sitting with his mouth hanging open, Fr. Jimmy repeated the question in an even sterner tone “Where is God!!?”. Again the freckled, frightened and red faced boy made no attempt at reply. Fr. Jimmy raised his voice even more and shaking his finger in Gerry’s face he bellowed “I asked you a question, where is God!?”
Terrorised Gerry screamed and like a bolt of lightening, he fled from the room. Running directly home and knowing his parents were both at work, he made straight for his own room, slamming the door behind him.
A curious older brother Joe entered his room a short time later to find Gerry, red faced sitting on his bed. “Well tell us”, said the brother “What happened down in the parochial house?” The younger brother, still gasping for breath, replied “We’re in really big trouble this time, dude. God’s gone missing and they think we did it!”
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