Mikey Ryan Confronts Storm Emma

“In the name of everything that’s good and holy, how did you get down in all that snow, Mikey”, said I.  Mikey Ryan, had just arrived into the Arch Bar, Liberty Square, here in Thurles, last Thursday night, looking like a walking, live snowman, courtesy of the so called ‘Beast from the East’ blizzard, that was howling outside.

“I’ll try a large hot brandy with a few cloves there Pat”, said Mikey, before turning to me to relate, in fine detail, his most recent escapades. “Jasus”, said he shivering, “Sure I got the mini-bus; feck it if you fell on your arse on the ice out there tonight, it’s not swollen Haemorrhoids you’d catch, more like inflated Polaroids”.

“I’d say you didn’t run into many other humans out and about tonight”, said I.

“To true; only the widow McGrath was with me at the bus stop and complaining as usual, replied Mikey ” It seems she was making a lot of mistakes while ‘texting’, if you don’t mind, on her; wait for it, iPhone, if you don’t mind, due to the extreme Arctic chill. Sure, you should have seen her bespectacled, ugly phizzog”, Mikey continued, “When I informed her of her urgency to visit an Accident & Emergency unit, as texting mistakes on iPhones are often a preliminary sign of the fatal disease known as ‘Typothermia’.

“So, the widow McGrath bought an iPhone did she”, said I, “Sure I suppose we live in an age nowadays when losing your feckin iPhone is way more sensational than losing your virginity”.

“Talking about Accident & Emergency units and losing your virginity, said Mikey, “I was down in University Hospital Limerick there last week, to get the results of me testsAnd looking around the overcrowded, waiting room, I noticed there were four men in one corner, expecting news regarding their women folk, who were due to give birth.”

He continued “A nurse comes up to the first guy and says, congratulations, you’re the father of twins. That’s odd, says the man, you know that my last work place address use to be “Twins Way”, in Minnesota’s bordering there on Canada and Lake Superior.”

Taking the first sip of his hot brandy Mikey went on, “Another nurse says to the second guy, congratulations, you’re the father of triplets. That’s a weird coincidence answers the second man, I work in 3M Ireland Limited, in Carrickmines, above in Dublin.”

“Then, yet another nurse comes out to inform the third man, congratulations, you’re the father of quadruplets!” Mikey stated, “Jasus, that’s very strange, comments the third man, aren’t I a waiter above in the Four Seasons Hotel & Leisure Club, in Co. Monaghan!”

“The forth man then began groaning, clawing and banging his head against the wall, and it was almost 2 hours later before I found out that he was currently employed as a salesman for 7Up”, Mikey concluded.

“Well Mikey”, said I, “We’ll have one for the road, What will you be having this time?”


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