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Oh, I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth.

Oh, I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth.

Poem by British poet, comedian, songwriter and presenter of radio and television programmes Ms Pam Ayres, MBE.

Picture: G. Willoughby.

Oh, I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth.

Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

I wish I’d been that much more willin’,
When I had more tooth there than fillin’,
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers,
And to buy something else with me shillin’.

When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end,
“If you got a tooth, you got a friend”
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin’,
And pokin’ and fussin’,
Didn’t seem worth the time… I could bite!

If I’d known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin’s,
Injections and drillin’s,
I’d have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist’s chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
“Two amalgum,” he’ll say, “for in there.”

How I laughed at my Mother’s false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s me they are beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.
END

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