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Space Tourism – Thurles Xmas Advert Soars Out Of This World

“The rotation of earth really makes my day.” (Think about this quote. Get It? OK continue on anyway.)

Captain’s Log, Star-date December 6th 2017:-

Tourism Ireland’s senior delegates, envoys and ambassadors, today were described as being somewhat deflated, having launched a failed stratospheric advertising campaign to highlight Sceilg Mhichíl, latter a rapidly decaying rocky outcrop, west of the Iveragh Peninsula in County Kerry, and which played a small role in the latest Star Wars saga, ‘The Last Jedi’.

The Force Awakens

Tourism Ireland’s billboard rose skyward just 33km (20.5 miles) above planet Earth, launched with the help of a weather balloon, while a similar Thurles billboard jetted to an amazing altitude of some 435 km (just over 270 miles) propelled by means of reboost manoeuvres, using a Briggs & Stratton rocket boosted lawn mower engine, one day previous.

One of the many images captured during the launched Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign, as it headed for the “Dark Side”. One “Black Hole” was located during the campaign, found in a black sock, worn by a launchpad crew member.

A spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated that Tourism Ireland’s attempt to be the first to advertise in space had failed miserably, firstly; since it was launched the day after the Thurles space departure, and secondly; no single human or alien had actually viewed the image on the billboard, while it remained in space. This project therefore must be perceived as the greatest waste of taxpayers money (to use the words of Rowan Atkinson in Black Adder) since, “Olaf the Hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside”.

The Thurles launch however had been viewed, as it flew past, by the crew of Expedition 53, all arsing around on board the International Space Station (ISS). Expedition 53, made up namely by Mr Joe Acaba, Mr Alexander Misurkin, Mr Mark Vande Hei, Mr Sergey Ryanzansky and Mr Paolo Nespoli, were all ordered by Commander Randy Bresnik, to scramble and man their laser weapons, fearing, understandably that they were about to be interfered with by an alien craft from outside our galaxy.

A grinning spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated, “The Thurles picture advert, which was launched skyward earlier, featured an image of the Christmas lights in Liberty Square, Thurles, Co Tipperary, and fully demonstrated the fullest commitment yet, that Tipperary Councillors and Politicians from all political parties were fully behind efforts to continue our growth in tourism in the area”. “Demands for access to visit Thurles have been unprecedented since the lights were switched on”, he continued.

The Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign was launched from beside the Stone Man here in Liberty Square, in the town at 3.07 hrs GMT and returned from orbit safely, to exactly the same precise area, at 14.00 hrs; thus landing before our daily traffic-jam of parents had emerged to collect their offspring’s from schools and collages.

God help us and those who manage our public finances, if not “May The Force Be With Us”.

Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary – The World War II Connection

One minute after Britain formally declared war against Germany, which took effect on September 3rd, 1939, a Blenheim IV of No 139 Squadron took off to fly the first sortie of the war for the Royal Air Force. Same was a photo-reconnaissance operation. In the future these aircraft were to become involved in the defence of London and would serve with Coastal Command in anti-shipping, reconnaissance, and a variety of other roles, right up until 1942.

**Pictures L-R (1)** Laurence Slattery, Littleton Thurles, Co. Tipperary, pictured in a Berlin POW hospital bed. *(Celtic studies expert & Nazi propaganda radio broadcaster Dr. Hans Hartmann is to be seen standing on the left of his bed)*. **Picture (2)** Rare picture of Laurence Slattery after WW II, with a violin case under his arm. **Picture (3)** A Bristol Blenheim IV, which Laurence Slattery navigated. **Picture (4)** Today, the once home of Laurence *(Larry)* Slattery, and his father Michael Slattery *(a National School Teacher)*, situated in the townsland of Ballymoreen, Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

The fighter version of the Blenheim IV aircraft normally carried four machine guns in the bomb bay, while the standard crew would comprise of a pilot; a navigator/bomb-aimer; and a wireless operator/gunner. The navigator would sit in the nose of the aircraft at a plotting table, situated just below the port side of the canopy.

On September 4th 1939, just one day later, Laurence (Known locally by the shortened name of Larry) Slattery, a native of Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, took off on a Bristol Blenheim IV. His aircraft was later shot down over the sea at Wilhemshaven, west of Hamburg, latter a coastal town in Lower Saxony, Germany, while attempting to drop leaflets; as confirmed by Irish Military Archives.

The aircraft’s pilot, Willie Murphy, a native of Mitchelstown, Co Cork, died some days later from his injuries, whilst Larry Slattery survived, sustaining wounds which included a broken foot and a broken jaw, latter obtained when his face struck a machine gun-turret. The pilot, Murphy would become the first recorded British fatality of World War II, and Larry Slattery from Littleton village, would became the first British Prisoner of War (P.O.W.) to be captured by the Germans.

Continue reading Littleton, Thurles, Co. Tipperary – The World War II Connection

Church Music Events In Thurles Area

Two most enjoyable church music events are taking place over the next 7 days for which attendance by the public is highly recommended.

Cathedral of The Assumption, Thurles.

This Sunday evening, (December 3rd), Thurles Cathedral Choir and Clonmel Concert Orchestra will hold a Gala music evening at 8.00pm sharp, in the Cathedral of The Assumption here in Cathedral Street, Thurles. All are heartily invited to attend this programme of sacred and classical music; for which admission is totally free. (Donations however will be welcome on the night).

Sacred Heart Church, Upperchurch, Thurles.

“O Holy Night”

Award-winning multi-platinum, Irish, singer-songwriter and Roman Catholic priest Fr. Liam Lawton, will perform in concert at the Sacred Heart Church, Upperchurch, Thurles, on Saturday night next, (December 9th). Doors will open at 7.00pm, with the concert commencing sharp at 8.00pm.

Note Please: In relation to the latter event, no seating will be Reserved and Tickets costing €20 are available from the Parish Centre or from Fr. Tony, Tel: 087 2608915.

Why I Hate Politicians

A study into homelessness, funded by the present minority, coalition, Irish government, has found that homeless people are more likely to believe in God, than non-homeless people, which a member of the Independent Alliance today claimed; “This beggars belief”.

The study also reveals for the first time that long periods spent living outdoors leads to better quality eyesight, which Ophtalmologists now believe is the reason why you never see homeless people queuing up to buy spectacles at Specsavers.

The study goes on to strongly recommend that homeless people, when given ‘change for a cuppa’ should apportion a percentage of this ‘granted loose coinage’ towards the cost of purchasing a kettle and teabags, as such a speculation could be beneficial to a longer term economical investment, in their futures.

With 81% of all accidents happening in the home, the report fully recognises that this is welcome news for all those, almost 9,000 persons, currently found to be in a homeless situation.

A new scheme for helping the homeless will be commenced by the Irish government starting on Monday night next.
Politicians and local councillors will be authorised to invite homeless people to take part in a simple quiz. If they answer the single question correctly, they will be in with a chance of receiving one million pounds. According to the Irish Minister for Hardship and Homeless Persons an example of the type of questions to be asked are, “What is €2.50 + €2.50?”
If the homeless person answers €5.00, they will immediately be given a €5.00 note with which to buy a National Lottery Ticket. This scheme is now expected to be watched closely by other countries, also experiencing even greater homelessness on their streets.

Meanwhile, people with houses are being encouraged strongly to assist those less fortunate homeless people this Christmas, to find the nearest shelters. The study / report recommends that the unfortunate latter should be directed to follow the first bus that they observe driving past.

Lest We Forget – Who Was Born 77 Years Ago Today?

He was born 77 years ago today, November 17th, 1940, into a Dublin city working-class household, living at No. 1. Lattimore Cottages, Sheriff Street, the son of a of Jacob’s Biscuit Factory employee.

In his late teens, in 1958, he would move to England, undertaking various manual jobs including; steel fixing on a building site, a vacuum cleaner salesman and an oil barrel cleaner.

But it was as a musician and singer that he was to attract world wide attention. Playing in the style of Pete Seeger and Tommy Makem, he undeniably became one of Ireland’s greatest folk singers. Yes, we speak of the Irish singer, folk musician and actor, Luke Kelly, who alas passed away on January 30th 1984, having been diagnosed with a brain tumour.

His final resting place is to be found in Glasnevin Cemetery, Dublin, with his grave marker bearing the simply inscription: Luke Kelly – Dubliner.

The Unquiet Grave

The wind doth blow today my love, a few small drops of rain.
Never have I had but one true love, in cold clay she is lain.
I’ll do as much for my true love, as any young man may.
I’ll sit and mourn all on her grave, a twelve month and a day.

The twelve month and the day being gone, a voice spoke from the deep.
Who is it sits all on my grave and will not let me sleep?
‘Tis I ’tis I, thine own true love who sits upon your grave,
For I crave one kiss from your sweet lips and that is all I seek.

You crave one kiss from my clay cold lips but my breath is earthy strong,
Had you one kiss from my clay cold lips, your time would not be long.
My time be long, my time be short, tomorrow or today,
May God in heaven have all my soul, but I’ll kiss your lips of clay.

See down in yonder garden green Love, where we used to walk.
The sweetest flower that ever grew is withered to the stalk.
The stalk is withered dry my love, so will our hearts decay,
So make yourself content my love, till death calls you away.