Space Tourism – Thurles Xmas Advert Soars Out Of This World

“The rotation of earth really makes my day.” (Think about this quote. Get It?  OK continue on anyway.)

Captain’s Log, Star-date December 6th 2017:-

Tourism Ireland’s senior delegates, envoys and ambassadors, today were described as being somewhat deflated, having launched a failed stratospheric advertising campaign to highlight Sceilg Mhichíl, latter a rapidly decaying rocky outcrop, west of the Iveragh Peninsula in County Kerry, and which played a small role in the latest Star Wars saga, ‘The Last Jedi’.

The Force Awakens

Tourism Ireland’s billboard rose skyward just 33km (20.5 miles) above planet Earth, launched with the help of a weather balloon, while a similar Thurles billboard jetted to an amazing altitude of some 435 km (just over 270 miles) propelled by means of reboost manoeuvres, using a Briggs & Stratton rocket boosted lawn mower engine, one day previous.

One of the many images captured during the launched Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign, as it headed for the “Dark Side”.  One “Black Hole” was located during the campaign, found in a black sock, worn by a launchpad crew member.

A spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated that Tourism Ireland’s attempt to be the first to advertise in space had failed miserably, firstly; since it was launched the day after the Thurles space departure, and secondly; no single human or alien had actually viewed the image on the billboard, while it remained in space. This project therefore must be perceived as the greatest waste of taxpayers money (to use the words of Rowan Atkinson in Black Adder) since, “Olaf the Hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside”.

The Thurles launch however had been viewed, as it flew past, by the crew of Expedition 53, all arsing around on board the International Space Station (ISS).  Expedition 53, made up namely by Mr Joe Acaba, Mr Alexander Misurkin, Mr Mark Vande Hei, Mr Sergey Ryanzansky and Mr Paolo Nespoli, were all ordered by Commander Randy Bresnik, to scramble and man their laser weapons, fearing, understandably that they were about to be interfered with by an alien craft from outside our galaxy.

A grinning spokesperson for the Templemore – Thurles Municipal District stated, “The Thurles picture advert, which was launched skyward earlier, featured an image of the Christmas lights in Liberty Square, Thurles, Co Tipperary, and fully demonstrated the fullest commitment yet, that Tipperary Councillors and Politicians from all political parties were fully behind efforts to continue our growth in tourism in the area”. “Demands for access to visit Thurles have been unprecedented since the lights were switched on”, he continued.

The Thurles Stratospheric Advertising Campaign was launched from beside the Stone Man here in Liberty Square, in the town at 3.07 hrs GMT and returned from orbit safely, to exactly the same precise area, at 14.00 hrs; thus landing before our daily traffic-jam of parents had emerged to collect their offspring’s from schools and collages.

God help us and those who manage our public finances, if not “May The Force Be With Us”.


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