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Economic Recession, Water Charges, Mortgage Rate Rises, and with all that depression about, what we all need is a good laugh. This ‘sure cure remedy’ is ready and available this weekend here at The Source Theatre, in Thurles.
God’s Official
To some people, football is a matter of life and death, to others it is even far more important than that great love of the sport itself.
Two football fans have just seen their side relegated after a referee disallowed a perfectly good goal and allowed the opposition to go down to the other end and score. This can be just one step to many, however the referee’s decision is final…or is it?
Two lads, Degsy and Cliff, decide to take matters into their own hands and kidnap the referee to force him to change his mind on this all important goal, with hilarious and the most unexpected consequences. This is a madcap comedy starring legendary Irish actor, Mick Lally, George McMahon  of Mondo and Fair City fame and rising star Edwin Mullane.
Kidnapping a referee (and a Christian referee at that, hence the title) may seem a corny plot for a play. After all, we have all wanted to do something similar after a certain clash with a recent French team, but this script is a tremendous piece of writing, and superbly acted. Ostensibly about football, God’s Official is a powerful play about passion and commitment, a welcome relief in these dark and cynical times.
The play was a massive hit at the Edinburgh Festival winning the Spirit of the Fringe Award. Now, with Irish men taking up the roles, it’s on a nationwide tour set to amuse and delight soccer fans up and down the country.
So for all you football fanatics and soccer widows, why not make a night of it together, with a show that promises to entertain everybody.
God’s Official will appear at The Source Arts Centre for one night only on Fri next the 23rd April. Time 8.00pm.
Kevin McAleer
On Saturday night the 24th of April, complete your therapy with a dose of the veteran County Tyrone stand up comedian Kevin McAleer who will be in attendance at the The Source Arts Centre also at 8.00pm.
Is it possible for a comedian to be too Irish I ask? No, not when Kevin McAleer oozes that whimsical spirit of Flann O’Brien with almost every deadpan utterance. “Sure you couldn’t have a famine in Ireland now, people would just go and eat out.”
It’s nearly twenty years since Kevin lit up our hearts and the screens of our television sets with his psychedelic folk tales of Kojak, Dana, Gary Glitter, the Woman and the Washing Powder, Closedown, and dozens of other cultural icons too numerous to mention.
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McAleer has been hugely influential in comedy circles for a whole generation of comedians, not just in here in Ireland, but in the UK as well. Our own David O’Doherty, for example, tells how he decided to become a comedian after seeing the original Nighthawks show in the Olympia back in the middle of the Nineties.
His owlish storytelling occasionally rambles down a funny side, not often identified by the average man, and then finds it way back in a similar vein, leading you always into continuous bouts of uncontrollable laughter. His grossly understated absurdism’s will have you in stitches and most certainly he deserves to demonstrate his unique and talented wares to packed audiences.
This show is a must for economic depression sufferers.
To book for one or both shows call 0504-90204 or visit the Source website www.thesourceartscentre.ie
Tickets to both shows on both nights will cost you less than a trip to your doctor and no trip to the chemist for that medication needed later.
 Matthew Elderfield Financial regulator Matthew Elderfield warned last week that more crippling mortgage rate rises are in the pipe line for the hard-pressed mortgage holder.
The financial regulator told an Oireachtas committee recently that higher mortgage rates were an “unfortunate but inevitable consequence” of the current banking crisis and a survey by the Irish Mortgage Corporation found that nearly one half of homeowners fear they will struggle to pay their mortgage this year, if rates rise as expected.
Meanwhile Green party Minister John Gormley warns that plans for household water charges, considered a basic human right, will be brought before Government within the coming weeks. He said however that an immediate levy would not be imposed for possibly two years,(After the next General Election) but refused to state how much the public would be forced to pay, in this new exciting tax to be levied. Approximately 1.1 million homes will need to have “Water Meters” installed from next year with Mr Gormley insisting that Water is a precious resource and these charges would be politically unpopular, but necessary.
Meanwhile Public Patients are being restricted to purchasing only four Viagra or Cialis type tablets per month by the HSE. Each prescription costs the tax payer in or around €25, not including the dispensing fee charged by chemists. Costings just released through the HSE, show that spending on erectile dysfunction drugs topped over €1 million through the medical card system and increased by 6% for the first time in 2008, in the area from Donegal to Limerick only. Now Green Party politicians, are calling on the HSE to reduce the monthly allowance on this drug to public patients, in a bid to control costs.
For God’s sake, is there nothing left for the working man anymore, I think it time to emigrate.
We do not always mean what we say or indeed always say what we mean. The following, well meaning evidence of this, has actually appeared in the past on Church bulletin boards, in magazines and newspapers or has been announced from the Alters in various churches.
The Parish Council have unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan for the coming year: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”
 The all day ‘Fasting and Prayer Conference‘, scheduled for the first Sunday in Lent, will includes meals.
The sermon this morning is “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon for our evening ceremony will be “Searching for Jesus.”
Parish Ladies should note, please don’t forget items for the jumble sale. It’s a perfect opportunity to rid yourself of things not worth keeping around the house. Please bring your husbands.
Don’t let depression ruin your life! Please allow your local Church to help.
The ‘Peace Meeting‘ scheduled for today has been cancelled due to unforeseen conflict.
Miss Mary Brown sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the gathered congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, our New Day Nursery is now open at the rear of our Church.
Tonight Fr. J. Bourke will preach his last farewell sermon after which the Gospel Choir will sing “O Happy Day.”
Mr Thomas Bailey and Miss Ruth Manning were married on October 24th last in our Parish Church and so ends a perfect friendship that began in their youth.
The topic chosen for to-nights evening service will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our local choir practice.
Please place your Name together with your Donation in the envelope along with the Deceased Person you want remembered in our prayers.
The church will host an evening of Fine Dining, Super Entertainment and Gracious Hostility.
The ladies of the parish have “Cast Off Clothing” of every kind. They may be viewed in the Church basement on Friday afternoon next.
Weight Watchers will meet at 8.00pm in the Church Hall. Please use the large double doors to the side of the building.
The parish Rector would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation could lend him their electric girdles for the Pancake Breakfast next Sunday.
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday next at 7 .00pm. Please use the back door.
Our Transition Year Students will be presenting Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’ in the Confraternity Hall on Friday at 8.00pm. The parish are invited to attend this great tragedy.
This evening at 7.30pm, weather permitting, there will be Hymn Singing in the parkland across from the Cathedral. Bring a blanket and your Hymn Book and come prepared to sin-.
Sure you got to laugh.
 It is not widely known amongst present day, over burdened, Tax Payers, but today in Dáil Éireann, all TD’s and Senators are marking the second anniversary of the visionary prediction’s of Fianna Fáil’s Mr Donie (Daniel) Cassidy, who in 2008 warned us that house prices would increase by at least 25% higher than existed in 2008.
Lest the great ‘unwashed’ on this green Island forget, allow me to recall the prophesy of this great Fianna Fáil Leader in Seanad Éireann on the 10th April 2008.
“Now is the right time to buy. We have a duty to tell first-time house buyers, young couples with no previous experience, that there is unbelievable value in the marketplace today. It will not last forever. It is never the wrong time to do the right thing. I offer the House the benefit of my experience and my opinion which is all any Member can do. I will remind the House, perhaps in 12 or 18 months, when prices have again increased by 25% or 30%, that they were told this by the Leader of the House on this historic day, the tenth anniversary of the Good Friday Agreement.”
Time now for all true Irish patriots to remove their caps, wear a T-Shirt that’s 25% to 30% too big, drop on one knee and give thanks to God, for sending this modern and reputed seer into our midst. Pray that his psychic prophecies’ in relation to the well being of all citizens of this State, continues long into the future.
As well as predictions, I wonder does he do Astrological Assessments or Comparative Horoscopy?
Forgive me if I am wrong, but I think this country may be secretly headed for an imminent General Election. I base my statement on the fact that eight stretches of forgotten roadway, in the surrounding Thurles area, have been immediately earmarked for re-surfacing by North Tipperary Co Councils engineers.
This work is expected to get underway in the near future at an estimated cost of €808,000 and a sure sign that votes may be needed.
I understand that areas to benefit from these reconstruction projects include a 2km stretch of road at Galboola, Littleton – estimated cost €112,022 and a section of the Thurles to Newport road near Ballynahow – estimated cost €231,782. This latter upgrade will, I have no doubt, greatly assist those attempting to move their loved ones, urgently in need of medical attention, the forty miles to Limerick General Hospital, without breaking a rear axle.
Other areas earmarked are Borrisoleigh – at Pallas Lower and Cooldery, and at Cassestown, Moyne, latter which is almost impassible presently.
Two-Mile Borris also gets a mention, with work soon to be carried out on the stretch from the National School to the speed limit signs, a sure sign (Pardon the Pun) that the planned Casino venture may be getting the thumbs-up in the near future.
TD’s and County Councillors of all Political Parties have already begun checking out the voters register for addresses of known local residents in these areas, so you can expect the customary official Dail Eireann letters, highlighting their personal and strenuous efforts in getting this work undertaken, and welcoming the engineers decision on your behalf.
 Suggested road sign for dogs who can't read Meanwhile, it is definitely mid March. Traditionally, March is the month when headline grabbing local Councillor’s thoughts turn to “Dog Poop” in order to get media attention and is declared the number one social menace.
However if one councillor gets his way this will no longer be a problem here in Thurles, as he intends to erect signage in dog fouling black spots within the town. Personally I must admit I was totally unaware that dogs could read, however, I would be the first to acknowledge I’m a bit out of touch these days.
Thinking deeply about this problem, as I am wont to do, I now ask the question: ‘Could this poop be used to fill the thousands of growing potholes around the town centre or repair some of our dangerous footpaths? Mind you, this is just my own meanderings and has no basis in any known scientific trials, so far as I am aware. Still it’s an idea worth examining.
Talking of Councils what happened the ‘Report of the Special Group on Public Service Numbers and Expenditure Programmes‘, undertaken by Mr C. Mc Carthy. The words “Rationalise the number of local authority structures into a single tier by discontinuing town councils and regional authorities, and reduce the remaining single tier from 34 city and county councils to 22 local authorities.” still keeps ringing in my ears.
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