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Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith pulled a ‘Joe Jacob‘ last week by announcing that the government would use European Union funding to buy 53 tonnes of its own Irish cheddar and distribute it for free from November 15th next. This initiative, which has been running since 1987, is funded by the EU’s food aid programme.
Please do not be duped, this is not a demonstration of a soft sympathetic caring Coalition Government, but rather a “social measure” whose primary objective will have the effect of reducing intervention storage costs of cheese at EU level.
 Coalition Cheddar For Unemployed Plebes This cheese scheme has been running for the past 22 years and the overall budget programme has increased from just €100 million in 1988 to €478 million for member states this year. Ireland’s share of this budget is €818,816, or approximately 0.17 per cent.
This cheese will be available for charities to collect from stores in Clondalkin, Co Dublin; Portlaoise, Co Laois; Kilmacthomas in Co Waterford; and Cobh and Togher in Co Cork sometime after November 15th next. Extra costs will be incurred by charitable organisations attempting to transport this valuable commodity back into Co Tipperary in the form of motorway tolls. One way however to get around this extra toll cost would be to use garda drivers. Under section 62 of the Roads Act 1993, interestingly enough,vehicles driven by members of an Garda Siochana are exempt from motorway tolls, e.g. Government Ministers cars.
More than €750,000 in EU funding will be spent on this cheesy scheme, with a total of 167 tonnes of this product to be distributed in boxes of 12 x 1kg blocks. The total amount of cheese to be distributed works out at about one slice of cheese for each of Ireland’s present adult population.
Brendan’s announcement would be hilariously funny, were it not that economic matters are so damn serious in this green and present land, which is just a few months away from intervention by the dreaded International Monetary Fund, who will soon be manning the desks of the Department of Finance.
Continue reading Brendan Smith Un Brie Lievable
Senior gardaí are to recommend to present Government that the system of providing Cabinet Ministers with State cars, driven by their members, be fully maintained. This decision is in light of the paint attack on Minister for Health, Mary Harney, and they further believe that such attacks are indicative of major public anger at the present Government .
The issue was discussed yesterday, at a meeting of Chief Superintendents, at the Garda College in Templemore, Co Tipperary. This meeting is held every six months to enable senior officers to discuss past and future Garda strategies.
Senior officers believe the current ministerial fleet arrangements should be maintained in the interests of protecting Ministers from robust protest, or attack, expected particularly after the forthcoming December budget.
 Ministerial Mercedes S350 Senior gardaí are also not in favour of a Ministerial car pooling system, which was suggested by the Minister for the Environment, TD John Gormley.
They believe no steps should be taken that would weaken the security afforded by armed gardaí that drive the ministerial fleet, particularly at a time of growing public anger over the recession. These gardaí who drive ministerial cars are always trained armed detectives who double as Ministerial bodyguards.
Soon to retire, Garda Commissioner Fachtna Murphy will now convey the opinions of his senior officers, on this matter, to Minister for Justice, Dermot Ahern, latter who admits to using his own car at weekends without a garda driver. Do we now have to insist that Dermot Ahern use his Ministerial car and driver, and what about TD’s without Ministerial cars, must they now live without security and in fear of attack by angry mobs?
Recent public debate on the ministerial fleet focuses on the €11 million cost encurred over the past two years at a time of massive strain on public finances.
What is not known is if the matter of using trained army personnel to replace gardaí was discussed, releasing trained garda personnel to investigate the number of daily drug related gang killings and other serious crime committed against the ordinary tax paying citizen.
Ministerial cars, as we know them today, were not introduced until after the murder of 35 year old Irish Minister for Justice, Kevin O’Higgins, as he made his way to Mass, on Booterstown Avenue in Dublin. This murder was undertaken by three Anti Treaty members of the IRA in 1927, namely Timothy Coughlin, Bill Gannon and Archie Doyle, who were never apprehended for this crime because of an IRA Amnesty. The killing was in personal revenge for O’Higgins part in the executions of 77 IRA men during the civil war.
At that point, the Defence Forces insisted that senior Ministers of State should, understandably, travel by Armoured car, guarded by an armed escort.
Today Government Ministers must have a fuel guzzling Mercedes Benz together with garda drivers on call at a moments notice, to ferry them around like rock stars, under the guise of security. If security be the issue and I greatly doubt it, why not use the army again. Armed soldiers appear to do a great job securing our bank’s money, while also escorted by a police car with two uniformed unarmed garda officers in tow. Readers will forgive my apparent ignorance (You see I don’t get out much) and maybe can even enlighten me as to why we need both for bank escort duty.
Should we insist, now, in the interest of security, on replacing the Ministerial Mercedes Benz fleet with Armoured Cars loaned by the Irish army and supported by armed soldiers, thus ensuring that the gardaí can freely go about tackling serious crime, while still ensuring our Government remain safe while carrying out their duties?
When I think about security, I am reminded of a yarn about a Co.Roscommon Priest. The priest came to Dublin, four times a year, for church related meetings. He always, for convenience, parked his car in a PMPA car park on each visit and was approached on these visits by a guy who promised to keep an eye on his vehicle in return for a small monetary contribution. However, despite this promised personal security, three times in a row the priest returned to find his vehicle had been broken into and his car radio removed. On his next visit he decided to take extra precautions by bringing along his pet Alsatian dog, which had a natural in built dislike of all strangers. When approached by this guy, again offering to keep an eye on his car, the priest invited the individual to approach the said vehicle. On doing so the dog turned savage, baring his teeth and attempting to come through the window at the stranger.
“Do you think I need security for my car now” asked the priest, grinning.
“Jesus Father, isn’t that dog just fantastic, now tell me Father would he be able to put out a fire” replied the helpful self appointed security man.
Still sure “Isn’t a nod as good as a wink to a blind ass”, if you get my drift and boy do we appear to have a lot of blind asses in this country presently. Wonder was overtime a factor in this decision?.
 Donald Duck deceased The wife brought our families pet duck into our local veterinary surgeons office. As she laid our Donald’s limp, motionless body on the table, the vet quickly pulled out his stethoscope and pressing it deep into our feathered friends chest, he listening intently.
After a moment or two, he began to shake his head slowly and then blurted out, “I’m sorry missus, but your pet duck, has passed on to that bird heaven in the sky.”
My deeply distressed wife let out a wail, (Well she’s always wailing anyway) “Are you sure?” said she.
“Yes, I am sure missus, your duck is most definitely dead,” replied our vet, in the most respectful bedside manner I might add.
“How can you be so sure?” the wife protested. (She good at the protesting is my wife) “I mean you haven’t done a full examination on him or anything. He might just be in a deep coma or some other form of profound state of unconsciousness.”
Our vet bit his lip and rolled his eyes to heaven, then spinning around he left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a young black Labrador Retriever pup. As the wife looked on in sheer amazement, the dog jumped up on the table, tail wagging and sniffed the duck from tail to beak. Suddenly his tail froze and looking up at the vet with the saddest of eyes, the dog shook his head.
The vet patted the black Labrador and escorted him out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a Siamese cat. The cat hopped out of his arms onto the table and began delicately sniffing our pet duck all over. The cat then stretched, sat back on her behind, licked her paw and began meowing softly, then jumped to the floor and ran from the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is now 100% most definitely, one dead duck missus.”
As the wife began to sob, the vet turned to his computer, hit a few taps to his key board and his printer began to spit out an invoice, which when printed completely, he then passed to my wife.
My wife glanced at the bill and suddenly stopped her sniffling. “What do you mean she screamed, you have charged me £250 just to confirm my poor dear Donald duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged his shoulders, “I’m very sorry missus but if you had just taken my word in the beginning, your bill would have been only €20. But now with the extra Lab Report, followed by a Cat Scan, I have no option but to increase your charges by an extra €230.”
Still, as I said to the missus later, the costs could have been even worse really. Just let’s thank our lucky stars there wasn’t any anesthetist present.
 A forty eight year old Tipperary woman was admitted to hospital following a mild heart attack.
While undergoing emergency surgery on the operating table, she encountered a near death experience.
Meeting her maker, God, for the first time she sought clarification, asking the question “Is my time on earth finished Lord?”
God replied in a soft voice, “No, my dear lady, you have another 42 years, 4 months and 3 days left of your life, yet to live on planet earth.”
Upon recovering from the operation, the woman decided to remain in the hospital and have a face-lift, breast implants, liposuction and a tummy tuck.
Since she had so much more time to live, she also decided to have her teeth laser whitened and her greying hair coloured platinum blonde.
Following full convalescence after her last surgical operation, she was released from the hospital, and while crossing the street to get on board a taxi home, she was hit and killed instantly by a speeding ambulance.
Arriving now in front of God for the second time that month, she demanded, “I thought you said the last time we met that I had another 42 years, 4 months and 3 days left of my life on earth? God why didn’t you pull me safely from the path of that speeding ambulance?”
God, looking confused and shocked, replied: “Good heavens woman, sure I didn’t recognize you.”
A large fire sale of an island and it’s contents, the former which is the third largest in Europe and the twentieth largest in the world, is expected to take place shortly as part of a Bankruptcy and Liquidation auction here in Co Tipperary.
This valuable but presently bankrupt property lies to the northwest of continental Europe and is surrounded by many little islands and costal inlets.
 Valuable Island Property Auction To the east of the island lies the mainland, separated from the island by a sea formally known as U-boat Alley. Latter holds great economic importance to regional trade, through shipping and transport, fishing and power generation, in the form of wind power and nuclear plants. Annual traffic between this island and the mainland amounts to over 12 million passengers and 17 million tonnes of traded goods.
Ports in the island use to handle 3,600,000 travellers crossing the sea each year, amounting to 92% of all sea travel. This has been steadily dropping for a number of years, 20% indeed since 1999, probably as a result of low cost airlines.
The island has lush vegetation, a product of its mild but changeable oceanic climate, which avoids extremes in temperature. Thick woodlands covered this island until the 17th century. Today, regrettably it is the most deforested area of Europe. There are twenty six extant mammal species native to this island paradise.
Relatively low lying mountains surround a central plain which epitomise the islands geography with several navigable river and now neglected canals, extending inland.
Despite its mild climate, this island suffers from a shortage of water after any seven days of continued sunshine, which to be fair, latter is a rare occurrence on the island, but water is available in small plastic bottles, mainly imported from other countries and sold at 50% more than the cost of basic motor fuels.
Continue reading Bankruptcy and Liquidation Auction Of Island Property
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