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“The Cushag”
By Josephine Kermode (1852–1937)
(Latter word ‘Cushag,’ is the Isle of Man name for Ragwort or Senecio jacobea)
Now the Cushag we know, must never grow, where the farmer’s work is done.
But along the rills, in the heart of the hills, the Cushag may shine like the sun.
Where the golden flowers, have fairy powers, to gladden our hearts with their grace.
And in Vannin Veg Veen, in the valleys green, the Cushags have still a place.
(Note: Vannin Veg Veen is Manx for “Dear Little Isle of Man.”)
Confusion
If you had asked the question, “What is the definition of the word ‘Confusion,” some years ago, the standard reply usually used was “Father’s Day in Ballymun,” but this is no longer an accurate or valid definition, in our present fiscal climate.
The Local Government Management Agencies (LGMA) Chief Executive Paul McSweeney stated in the last few days that action will be taken in the coming months against homeowners who are non-compliant through failing to pay their €100 Household Charge, although the LGMA are reluctant to do so. “Letter number two will be going out now to landlords. Certainly we would expect that after three letters, some action is going to need to be taken,” he stated. “To be honest, we’re not really interested in doing that. We want to provide local services & taking people to court, or prosecuting them, that’s not the business we’re in. We are in the business of supplying local services to communities.”
In 2006, the total number of people resident in Tipperary on the work force numbered around 71,000, North & South of the County. Approximately 5,700 were listed as being unemployed in the same year. The work force has since risen to around 75,500, however the total out of work has risen to some 15,000, demonstrating an almost three-fold increase in the amount of people unemployed.
 Mare’s Fart or Ragwort Latest ‘Household Charge Data,’ shows that only around 4 out of every 10 householders in County Tipperary have paid this inequitable charge. By the time all the threatening letters are posted out, Mr Paul McSweeney may find that he has already spent the cost in stamps of what he has collected to-date, of Minister Phil Hogan’s unmerited, unjustifiable & inequitable tax.
Over 50% of Irish householders have now been forced to become criminals, since our present government wrote the Household charge into Irish legislation, thus allowing our court system to prosecute for non-compliance. Since the Government wielded the axe over North Tipperary Co. Council and other local authorities around the country, by cutting central funding by between 5% and 15%, it would appear Minister Hogan’s bullish approach and unjust new law is all set to create negative community reaction, to the level of recent Athens street riots.
Mare’s Fart or Ragwort
However all you “criminals,” out there, should take heart that such laws are rarely pursued, which brings me to the topic of ‘Mare’s Fart,’ one of the alternative Scottish names given to the toxic alkaloid weed known as Common Ragwort because of the foul unpleasant smell or stench of its leaves or better known here in Ireland as Bualachains or Buachalan Buidhe.
In the Republic of Ireland, the Noxious Weeds Order (Thistle, Ragwort, and Dock) came into force on January 1st 1937, issued under the Noxious Weeds Act of 1936, which declared ragwort as a poisonous plant, requiring landowners to control its growth.
Continue reading Confusion, Household Charge, Mare’s Fart, Water & Swallows
Mary had just finished watching a DVD of the love story of “Cleopatra,” staring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
 Thurles Fresh Milk Her blond haired image stared back at her from her bathroom mirror and she noticed the now tired aging skin on her face and the dark rings and crow’s feet around her eyes. She made a sudden decision that, like the Egyptian Queen she had just viewed on her TV screen, what she too now needed was a bath filled with asses’ milk; to bathe in and perhaps this ancient & promising remedy had the missing formula, which would return some of her now declining beauty.
Cleopatra had used asses’ milk, a product used since Egyptian antiquity, for both alimentary and cosmetic reasons, but where would Mary get asses’ milk in Thurles at this time of the night?
Having given great thought to her immediate problem, Mary decided to leave a note out for her local Thurles Co-Op Creamery milkman. This note bore the strict instructions, to leave at her home, 25 gallons of milk on his visit the next morning.
Early next morning, when the milkman found her note, he felt there just might be a mistake in Mary’s order. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. Now anxious as always to please, he rang Mary’s doorbell in an effort to clarify the details of her unusually large purchase.
Blond haired Mary answered the door and the milkman explained his fear, “I am sorry to bother you Missus, but I found your note asking me to leave you 25 gallons of milk. I am just checking, by any stretch of the imagination, did you mean 2.5 gallons ?”
Blond Mary shock her head, then explained her intention, “No, I definitely want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill up my bath tub with Thurles milk and then bathe in it. I am hoping that with this creamy substance I can recover some of my once youthful looks and hopefully repair my now aging, dried skin.
“Fair enough Missus,” said the milkman, “Do you want it pasteurized?”
Mary looked puzzled, “No, just past my waist should do thanks, sure I can splash it unto my eyes.”
 It was most peculiar the Cabinet were meeting for the last time before the ‘Summer 2012 Recess.’
I can remember that talks on proposals for the reform of local government were not discussed at the meeting, despite much media speculation that the number of town councils, like Thurles, were about to be cut from 75 to 50.
There was no mention either of the .30 cent mystery price increase, imposed on tobacco products, earlier this month. However outrageous health warnings presently printed on tobacco product packaging was announced as continuing, thus demonstrating a caring and concerned HSE and Government.
Talking of a caring Government, also discussed was the placing of pictures of obese humans on all ‘Burger Joint’ packaging, as was the need to place images of the victims of drunk driving on Whiskey, Gin, Vodka, Wine and Beer bottles / containers.
But these discussions, including a motion to place the images of known, serving, dishonest politicians on annual tax returns, were ruled as unnecessary by the large majority of Government Ministers present, as was images of tortured animals on women’s hair & other cosmetic products.
Cabinet also discussed preparations for the Children’s Rights Referendum, which it intends to hold in the autumn, but could make no real decision on a suitable date, since presently the HSE admit that children remain totally unprotected, despite government claims to the contrary.
It was however agreed that the Revenue Commissioners were to be given the responsibility of collecting Phil Hogan’s new property tax, which is to be introduced next year. Later a Government spokesperson said this decision was being taken because Phil Hogan had failed miserably, in his badly thought-out efforts, to collect the previous €100 household charge & therefore could not be trusted.
Minister for Transport, Tourism and Sport Leo Varadkar said that some capital spending will have to be now deferred and CIE non-core assets sold to fund their €36m bailout for Dublin. Well really, I remember thinking, sure we have no buses in Thurles and anyway such a bailout was not necessary. All Leo has to do is put one staff member working in railway stations like Monasterevin, from whence presently you can travel to Thurles for free, saving €22.20, that is if you should depart from there. It has no ticket office, no ticket machine and no personnel employed after around 6.00pm. So passenger, embarking from here, have a 90% chance of “seeing old Ireland free,” to use the well known republican quote. By the way if you are infirmed in any way, please note; last out locks the lift at this named station, so you must take to the stairs.
It was the screeching of drunken teenagers outside my window, returning from the local Disco, which woke me from this my sweaty, nightmare slumbers. Thank God for that, the dream was so real; the Dail chamber was so real; even the politicians seemed real.
I can tell you now folks, without any fear of contradiction, that’s the last time I’ll eat Aldi’s mouldy old Irish Blue cheese, before I go to bed.
All eight Metropolitan Area Networks (MAN) in County Tipperary, including Roscrea Town, will be active in the coming months. MAN is a fibre-optic broadband platform that provides high capacity web-based services to Tipperary.
MAN infrastructure has now been built in 93 locations nationwide and on a national bases there are approximately 50 different service providers using MANs to deliver their services to business and domestic households. At present three MANs are currently operating in Templemore, Nenagh and Clonmel. The remaining five consist of Roscrea, Tipperary Town, Cahir, Carrick-on-Suir, and Cashel.
I don’t know how we are fixed here in Thurles in relation to high capacity web-based services, but I wrote to our TD’s just in case and forwarded a questionnaire seeking an explanation of this new computer terminology.
Be God, I was surprised at their superior knowledge of all IT matters, in a year when we are exporting qualified IT professionals paid for by Irish taxpayers, overseas. For your edification, hereunder here are the explanations received from a political perspective:-
RAM – That hydraulic thing on the front of the tractor that helps load your car trailer with turf from EU protected bogs.
Random Access Memory – Convenient memory loss when a TD’s wife asks how much he claimed in his Dáil expenses last month.
Floppy Disk – Back ailment, which mainly affects County Councillors and acquired by carrying around too many brown envelopes containing planning bribes.
Disk Operating System – Equipment used by the Doctor to relieve pain caused by this floppy disk problem with councillors.
Port – Place where ships arrive bringing illegal drugs & illegal cigarettes to Dublin and then departs removing unemployed and unwanted qualified students whose education was paid for by Irish taxpayers.
Windows – What South Tipperary TD Tom Hayes possibly forgot to shut recently, thus failing to stop thieves stealing our office equipment.
A6 3400M Quad, Windows 7 – One of them big new fancy looking foreign imported cars.
Mega Hertz – It’s when ya ain’t careful and drop a large sod of EU protected bog turf on your toe.
Printer – A device owned by Sinn Fein’s Aengus O’Snodaigh TD, that eats toner cartridges.
Chip – What we munch on, after 9 pints of porter in the Dáil Éireann bar, after a late sitting.
Micro Chip – Fragments left in the bottom of a greasy chip bag when you have eaten the bigger chips.
Hard Drive – Gettin’ home with a load of EU protected turf, and having to drive on the Templetuohy road.
Log On – Makin’ the wood stove burn hotter.
Log Off – Don’t put any more of that wood in that stove.
Monitor – Keepin’ an eye that no spark hits the carpet from the turf fire.
Download – Gettin’ more turf for the fire out of the wheelbarrow.
Prompt – What you wish your constituency post was not every morning.
Screen – A tea towel or similar yoke you need, to keep the flies out of the milk jug.
Byte – What bugs do when Mick Wallace TD wears a short sleeved pink shirt in Dail Eireann.
Modem – What you did to your 3 fields, which were set aside for hay this year.
Dot Matrix -Wife of constituency supporter John Matrix.
Keyboard – Where you hang the keys of your ministerial car.
Software – Them’s fancy paper coffee cups you get in Supermac’s.
Mouse – Small rats what eats the grain in the barn.
Port – Place where ships arrive carrying drugs & illegal cigarettes into Dublin and depart removing unemployed fully qualified students, whose education was paid for by Irish taxpayers.
Enter – C’mon in and don’t forget to wipe your feet.
Program – News all about Dublin to be seen on an Irish TV set, every blooming night, if you can stop the sparrows from roosting on your TV aerial.
Main Frame – That part of a barn that holds up the roof, keeping Luke ‘Ming,’ Flanagan’s hemp suit and turf dry.
“Boys O Boys, armed with this information isn’t it nice to know that this country is as safe as it ever was.”
I am convinced there is nothing like a good Bible story just before bedtime to help you get off to sleep, so do read this one and see if it helps.
How Adam Ended Up With Eve
 Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden on his own, feeling very downhearted and sad. God called to him from out of the mist and asked him, ‘Adam, what’s wrong with you?’
Adam replied, “Heavenly Father I am sad and bored, sure I don’t have anyone with whom to have a decent conversation.”
God thought for a moment and then informed Adam that He was going to make him a companion and “She will be called woman.” he announced. “Woman will be pretty,” He stated. “She will gather food for you and she will cook for you. When you both discover clothing, she will wash them for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will never nag you. She will always be the first to admit she is wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will praise you. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam, (Not the sort of man to buy a pig in a poke, you understand,) now asked God, “So what will a woman like this cost me?” God replied “Probably an arm and a leg.”
Thinking now very quickly Adam asked, “What would I get for just one rib?”
Well as we all now know – the rest is history….!
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