Thurles News & It Is Only Monday

An Post bore my first piece of bad news today, it was a nice letter, sent from Screw Fix Direct, thanking me for my sincere interest in their company, but explaining they were, not as I had supposed, a Dating Agency.

That’s another stamp wasted and it all began because of my startling discovery made earlier in the week, while rooting through my girlfriend’s underwear drawer.  The discovery of a French Maid’s outfit, a Nurse’s outfit and a Police Woman’s uniform complete with slim leather baton, alarmed me, forcing me to immediately cancel any sincere belief that I had found at last “the one,” for me. Well as I said to Pat over a pint last Wednesday, “If she can’t hold down one decent job, in these recessionary times, she’s just not serious about any long term relationship,” & hence my excuse for having sent the damned correspondence, to the above named company in the first place.

Is Barry’s Bridge the beginning of the promised Thurles Skateboard Park?

My favourite newspaper that great Sunday employer of washed out politicians, their ex concubines & so called celebrities, better known as the Irish Independent was the bearer of my next piece of sad tidings. I do not know why they bother really, upsetting us every morning, it’s as if the people of this presently governed EU / IMF State cared a tinkers curse, one way or the other.

The article read; “Almost two-thirds of TDs didn’t bother turning up for half of the much vaunted “Friday Sittings,” of the Dail so far this year, despite the Government heralding it as a major political reform. Oireachtas authorities have said the sittings cost an estimated €90,000 per day, and opposition parties have described them as a “sham” since there are no questions to ministers or Dail votes, except on rare occasions.” writes Fiach Kelly Political Correspondent. (Who, I hasten to add, should not be categorised under the heading of any of the above named employees.)

Our own Tipperary North TD Noel Coonan is not recorded as having clocked in on any of the Fridays, but he himself only last night insisted he attended at least two of the stated days, between January and the end of June. Records compiled by the Irish Independent show that of 135 TDs presently employed, who ‘have to,’ clock in, 82 or 62%, are recorded as clocking in for three or fewer of the six Friday sittings held between January and June.

These Friday absences might explain why trainee footpath planners working with the National Roads Authority (NRA) or North Tipperary Co. Council, have almost succeeded in blocking the entrance for motorists attempting to exit from Barry’s Bridge to Emmet Street here in Thurles. While many swear this has been specially designed by Thurles Town Council for their forgotten dreams of a ‘Skateboard Park,’ recently muted and was a ‘Monday morning job,’ I would swear in a court of law that this pestiferous erection was designed on a Friday, so Noel could not possibly have observed it, as he rushes home on a Thursday.

One good piece of news however, Director of Corporate Enforcement Paul Appleby states that tax cheat Mick Wallace will escape any future prosecution and will keep his Dail seat, despite admitting he knowingly fiddled his Company’s VAT returns. Well it makes us all feel safe in our beds with the knowledge that at least one TD will be present in the Dail on a Friday. The Wexford TD said he would give up half of his Dail salary of €92,000, to pay the Revenue their €2.1m settlement over the next 87 years as a sitting TD.

Of course former company director Mr Sean Hartigan of Prestige Recycling, latter who was jailed for three years, for defrauding the State of a mere €200,000 in taxes and another decent man, Mr Paul Begley, of the country’s biggest fruit and vegetable wholesale company, Begley Brothers, who was recently jailed for six years for a mere €1.6m garlic fetish, may both feel slightly upset.

Other sad news learned today; Dublin City Council, who failed to get full agreement with North Tipperary Co Council, to move Lough Derg, from Tipperary to our Capitol city, have been forced to close lanes 5, 6, 7 & 8 of all Dublin Swimming pools, with immediate effect, thus conserving water. While on the topic of water, some other rather suprising news; three Irish men recently diving on the ill fated Titanic, were amazed to find that the ships swimming pool was still full after over 100 years.

Well as you can see little or nothing has changed here in Thurles since we dumped Fianna Fáil.


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