Surprise, surprise, Iarnród Éireann (God Bless Them) has discontinued the early morning train service previously operating on the Limerick to Ballybrophy line, as part of their new timetable, despite the government having agreed to boost the funding of our public transport system by an extra €36 million last year, stating then that the extra cash boost was necessary to ensure public transport services remained operational.
Use It or Lose It
This 5.05am Limerick-Dublin service, which stopped in Nenagh at 06.04am, Cloughjordan at 06.23am and Roscrea at 06.43am, has now been terminated together with the 16.05pm Limerick to Ballybrophy and 18.20pm Ballybrophy to Limerick via Nenagh services. This move by Irish Rail now reduces the number of Nenagh to Dublin via Ballybrophy train alternatives, to just two services each way per day.
Local campaigners had called on all would-be commuters to “Use It or Lose It,” when the early morning service was first introduced in March of last year, however the service, which according to Irish Rail cost some €1,000 per day to operate, failed, (due to commuters failing to get out of bed at 4.00am,) to attract sufficient users and has now therefore been withdrawn. Local campaigners blame unacceptable delays and an unworkable timetable, which set impracticable targets, as the main reasons for this failure & thus termination of the service.
“Gateways to Ireland,” Continue To Benefit From Tipperary Taxes
A €3.7m funding package has been announced to improve transport links in and around Galway city. This funding will be spent on walking, cycling and public transport links for the city’s commuters. North Tipperary Junior Transport Minister Alan Kelly states that €1m will be spent on a redesign of the city’s train station with a pedestrian link to the coach station. Bus and cycle lane demand will be now assessed and the possibility of developing a “Greenway,” will also be fully examined.
Remember the recently introduced Leap Card or integrated ticket system solely for Dublin based commuters & which cost at least €55 million of taxpayers money to produce? Surprise, surprise again, Dublin children can now travel for free on the LUAS at weekends during February, March and April of this year, it has been announced yesterday. This latest generous offer, which has just been announced by the National Transport Authority and LUAS management, allows adults with valid tickets to bring up to two children under the age of 16 on this tramway with them. We are told that this new initiative is one of a number of transport fare initiatives being rolled out for Dublin during 2013.
This initiative will also of course apply to LUAS lines here in Thurles, oh yes, pardon me, I forgot, we do not have a tram service in Thurles as yet, cancelled mainly due to our eleven year delay in being granted a ring road. It will possibly come as a shock to the National Transport Authority, LUAS management and Junior Transport Minister Alan Kelly, but University Students countrywide have been riding your LUAS, Rail & Buses for free, since Stephenson built his “Rocket,” way back in 1829.
One other item of good news announced last week however, much to the delight of Tipperary Septic Tank owners & taxpayers, was the welcome revelation that some of our rural contributions to State coffers are to be spent on a €20 million make-over for Dublin’s National Gallery of Ireland. The tendering process will start presently and it is hoped to begin refurbishment work during this summer, with a view to having all the work completed in time for the 1916 centenary.
Of course “this 1916 rising centenary crack,” has little to do with Co Tipperary, well except of course for at least three of the total seven signatories of the 1916 Proclamation all having strong Tipperary links. I remind you of Thomas McDonagh who was born in Cloughjordan Tipperary. Latter a poet, playwright, teacher, soldier and signatory of the 1916 Proclamation, which proclaimed our now now new IMF Republic. He then had moved to Dublin to study, and was the first teacher on the staff at St. Enda’s, the school he helped to found, with another signatory Patrick Pearse. Then of course there was the mother of Thomas Clarke, latter the person most responsible for the 1916 Easter Rising. His mother was Mary Clarke (Maiden-name Palmer,) from Clogheen, Tipperary. Next there was James Connolly, another signatory who founded the Irish Labour Party in Clonmel Tipperary in 1912. Then there was Dan Breen born in Grange, Donohill County Tipperary, and his Soloheadbeg incident which was the first opening act of the same Irish War of Independence. Ah sure I could go on and on, but enough said. Just watch out, my friends, the big “1916 Centenary Party,” will be financed & held exclusively in An Pháil. One hopes that those participating in 2016 will not be spat on by a Dublin populace, as were those forced to surrender in 1916.
As you can gather from the above facts, none of the “Dublin Subsidises,” & “Fiscal Transfers,” gifted from our urban capitol, to Tipperary’s rural red-neck backwaters, (as recently highlighted and bitterly resented by Olivia Mitchell TD,) has yet to arrived here to Co Tipperary.
Sure maybe Olivia Mitchell TD is correct in her predictions, same transfer of funding from urban to rural areas would appear grossly unfair and God forbid could even become a permanent danger to future urban / rural social cohesion.
All joking aside, rural Ireland is being forgotten, the urban man is getting the oyster, while the rural red-neck must make do with the shell.
For the past 200 years, literary giants, world statesmen and legends of the silver screen have joined the millions of other tourists intent on kissing the Blarney Stone, thus gaining the gift of eloquent speech. The unrivalled power of this stone has been proven unquestionable as any visitors will confirm after they have leaned backwards, held by the ankles and lowered head first over the battlements of Blarney Castle. However this Blarney Stone is now to be removed from its current position and incorporated in the battlements of Dublin Castle, in time for ‘The Gathering 2013.’
At the time the announcement was made I believe I was having troubled thoughts about either the European Central Bank’s (ECB) insistence on the payment of the 3.1 billion promissory note, or maybe it was Olivia Mitchell TD’s resentment in having to pay property tax, which in turn she felt would be squandered to supply badly needed Footpaths, Dart Services, Public Transport & Street Lighting to the red-necked residents of rural Ireland.
Anyway, whatever my thoughts last night, I was quickly & without warning transported into the real cold light of day with the news announced by my favourite TV 3 Star & News Anchor, Thurles born & gorgeous Collette Fitzpatrick, as she interviewed the Minister for Arts, Heritage, Gaeltacht & gentle Kerry man, Mr Jimmy Deenihan, via her 9.00 news bulletin.
“Quite a few changes must now be made in advance of ‘The Gathering 2013,’ following our Cabinet Meeting last week, which discussed in great detail our government’s failure to create employment,” the Minister stated. “This was quite a disappointing meeting and some hard decisions had to be made,” continued Mr Deenihan. “There were 20 TD’s present round the cabinet table, three of which have no vote.
The Minister for Education and Skills, Mr Ruairi Quinn is trying to sack teachers, the Minister for the Environment, Community and Local Government Mr Phil Hogan is trying to sack local & county councillors, together with unnecessary office staff, the Minister for Health, Mr James Reilly is intent on reducing nurses and other staff in the HSE, the Minister for Justice and Equality, Mr Alan Shatter is attempting to remove 1,500 serving Gardaí and last, but by no means least, the Minister for Public Expenditure and Reform, Mr Brendan Howlin is attempting to get rid of 4,000 civil servants, so hard decisions were the order of the day,” went on Minister Deenihan.
The Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Mr Richard Bruton stated that he had created one hundred new jobs in Limerick last week, with the €100m expansion of manufacturing operations at Vistakon, but when he got home he found over 300 jobs gone at HMV. To further add fuel to the fire Minister Phil Hogan had taken the “bread from the mouths,” of employees involved nationally in the Stationary & Office Equipment sector, latter caused by his insistence that public offices in each county, must now buy their blotting paper, pencils & photocopying paper from a central stationary company appointed by him.
“If that wasn’t bad enough,” stated Mr Shatter, “this new EU demand for improved security protection on Driving Licences had further placed the jobs of some 500 employees in the photography sector in jeopardy, not to mention placing a massive burden on struggling self employed photographers, who would now end up on social welfare payments, due to required identity photographs now being handed over to just one government appointed Body. Sure I am close to a mental breakdown,” stated Minister Shatter.
Minister Deenihan then went on to say; “That left only 12 of us to come up with ideas and we have now decided in the interest of the voting public to move the Blarney Stone in Cork to Dublin Castle, solely in the interests of safety & security.” (A bit like the Derrynaflan Chalice, I remember thinking at that time.)
Mr Deenihan stated also that ‘Fungi,’ the Dolphin would be now moved as soon as possible from Dingle to Dublin Zoo in case of water pollution from Phil Hogan’s septic tanks, the 5000 year old Passage Tomb at New Grange would be moved to St Stephens Green, Dublin, thus giving much needed employment to the ailing construction industry sector, while ‘The Giants Causeway,’ may now be moved to Dublin Bay by the Office of Public Works (OPW), as part of future ongoing Cross Border Co-Operation.
Meanwhile, An Taoiseach Mr Enda Kenny stated he would be having talks very soon with the Egyptian Government and was hopeful that at least one of ‘The Pyramids,’ could be moved to the Phoenix Park, hopefully, as he was careful to point out, without effecting any reduction on Egypt’s tourism trade.
It was the sudden fall from my bed that awoke me from my troubling nightmare. To say my heart was racing & my new Christmas pyjamas were soaking in sweat would be an understatement. Still it had been just a weird dream, obviously brought on by thoughts of TD Olivia Mitchell. Sure who, in God’s name and in their right minds, would remove artefacts, which could bring a strong tourist trade from Ireland’s Gateways to historical locations like the Boyne Valley, Dingle & Blarney?
No, now that you ask, I haven’t received a reply to my open letter forwarded to Jimmy Deenihan by Leo Varadkar or indeed from North Tipperary elected TD Alan Kelly, latter always so anxious to demonstrate his political ability and quick to influence the return of such items as the Derrynaflan Chalice to their rightful home here in Thurles.
Not to worry, I have promised myself never again to eat any more of that cursed French blue cheese, well prior to bedtime anyway & forgive me but I must now go in search of some dry pyjamas.
In the words of St Matthew’s Gospel: “To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others: He who has ears, let him hear.“
I had forgotten all about this tale until Eileen, a regular daily reader of Thurles.Info, reminded me today.
The story goes that John Ryan was a successful large scale Chicken Breeder in Co Tipperary, specialising in high grade guaranteed fertilized hen’s eggs. He had several hundred young hens (Better known in his trade as ‘Pullets,’) laying eggs each day for his hatchery. He also employed ten pedigree Cockerels, thus ensuring that his ‘pullets,’ eggs were properly fertilized.
Mainly because of emerging business difficulties due to the current recession, John now decided to seek advice from Teagasc, latter the Irish agriculture and food development authority, who having visited his establishment advised that it was in his best interests to examine his productivity and kept daily performance records.
Enda – The Brown Leghorn
To ensure maximum productivity, daily ‘Time & Motion Statistics ‘ were now necessary and to this end John purchased some tiny bells and attached them to all his Roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing and which was wasting time. Now any Rooster not performing to best business practise could be retired to his soup pot and quickly replaced in the hen run. John could lie back on his porch daily simply filling out efficiency reports, by just listening to the bells chimes as his cockerels energetically performed their labours.
John’s No 1 top performing Rooster, a very fine specimen of the light brown Leghorn variety, was named Enda. One morning he noticed Enda’s bell hadn’t rung as was usual. On further investigation, he saw the other roosters were all busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but these pullets, on hearing the roosters coming, were running successfully for cover, thus avoiding all contact with their now perspiring males.
To John’s amazement on the other hand, Enda had his bell’s clanger held tightly in his brownish beak, so it couldn’t ring. He would then sneak up on a preferred young hen, do his prescribed work and quickly move on to his next object of desire.
John was so proud of Enda, he decided to enter him in the Thurles Christmas Fair of that year, where he became an overnight sensation, when observed by other well known enthusiastic chicken breeders. News of his fame quickly spread worldwide, and soon Enda was nominated for, and indeed awarded with the coveted Swedish “No Bell Piece Prize,” and the following year the “Pulletsurprise,” latter awarded annually by Columbia University.
It now became clear to the Irish political scene, that Enda had all the traits required for a politician in the making.
Let us be honest here, who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted International Awards on our planet, simply by being the best at sneaking up on his unsuspecting populace and screwing them, knowing full well the latter weren’t paying proper attention to current affairs.
Pat decided to go sea angling for the weekend with his best buddy, Mick. As arranged, at 9.00pm on a Friday evening they loaded up Mick’s old mini-van with tent equipment, sleeping bags, fishing gear and a few crates of beer, then leaving Thurles, they headed west for the Galway coast.
After driving for about an hour and shortly just after 10.00pm, on a badly potholed quiet rural road, two worn tyres on the tired old cramped mini-van got punctured.
Forced now to stop and with rain coming down in bucketfuls, both men decided their best plan was to walk to seek help. They were soon attracted towards bright lights emanating from the windows of a nearby large farmhouse.
Wet to the skin, they explained their plight to the farmhouse owner, a very attractive, curvy, middle aged, blonde lady. They asked her if they could possibly perhaps spend the night on a chair and dry their soaked clothes in front of her log fire, latter which was invitingly visible from the open door.
“I am afraid not,” she replied somewhat apologetically. “I do realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but understand I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “With my husband dead only a month ago, I’m afraid the neighbours would only start to gossip, if I were to let you in to stay in the house.”
“Not to worry,” Pat said in calm desperation. “But we’ll be happy to sleep in your hay-barn and sure we’ll both be gone at first light in search of the nearest garage.” The lady thought for a moment, then reluctantly agreed and so both men made their way to her barn and out of the downpour to settle in for the night.
As promised the following morning, with the weather now clear, they quickly located a garage which repaired their tyres and got them on their way before 9.30am. They enjoyed a great weekend of quiet fishing, thankfully without any further mishap, and returned to Thurles on the Sunday night, fully refreshed from their quiet weekend break.
Indeed the weekend was almost a distant memory when, around nine months later, Jack got this unexpected letter from a Galway solicitor. The correspondence took him a few minutes to figure out, but he finally determined that it was forwarded by a solicitor on behalf of the aforementioned attractive blonde widow, whose hay-barn he and Mick had used during their weekend fishing trip.
Having fully digested the correspondence, Pat dropped down to his good friend Mick. “Mick,” says he, “Do you remember that good-looking blonde widow woman, who owned the farm we stayed at, during our fishing trip about 9 months ago?”
“Yes by God I certainly, I do.” said Mick. “Sure how could I ever forget it ?”
“Did you, by any stretch of the imagination, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, maybe go up to the house to perhaps present your credentials ?” asked Pat
“Well, now that you mention it, yes,” Mick replied, somewhat a little embarrassed about having being found out, “Sure I have to admit that I did.”
“And during the course of your visit, did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your own name ?”
Mick’s face turned bright crimson, “Yeah, to be totally honest I’m afraid I did, but look I’m sorry I shouldn’t have lied,” Mick confessed, “ But look here, why all the interrogation ?”
“I got a letter from her solicitor this morning, it seems she just died last week and left me everything.” replied Pat.
A website for the controlling of information, being input on The Household Charge, ended up last week with the children of households & dead persons receiving threatening communications. Postage alone for these reminders has cost the tax payer in excess of €14,000. This correspondence also required those who had already paid the charge to contact a lo-call number to tell those compiling this database, that they had already paid.
Now another new website is to be launched today to fulfil the commitment under the Programme for Government & which will supposedly measure the Government’s performance across a number of key areas. Areas to be measured include in particular our countries progress on the economy, transport, innovation and the environment.
The website we are told will make the workings of Government more transparent and will use data gathered across the public service. (Where are they going to get the staff ?)
This pilot site, Ireland Stat, will show what the present Government has achieved, how much it cost and how Ireland compares overall internationally. (I wonder will it include the cost of so called ‘job creation.’) Health & Education should also make interesting reading when data is eventually uploaded.
Education:
Some 50,000 third-level students are still waiting to hear whether they have qualified for a grant, even though their academic year started last month. The Irish Independent reports that SUSI, latter the new on-line system website used to process Student Grant Applications, is in chaos. The system was designed to speed up the Student Grant process, but today’s news claims only one in 16 grant applications has been so far approved.
Health:
The Tipperary Star Newspaper also reports this week that ten respite beds in the Hospital of the Assumption, promised for last Friday, will remain closed and have no prospect of being reopened possibly before 2014. This is despite a public promise from Tipperary Fine Gael TD Noel Coonan, at a public meeting in the Thurles Tipperary Institute three weeks ago. Obviously Noel forgot to check the facts with Minister for Health Dr. James Reilly, before stunning a packed lecture theatre with his statement, which everyone else present was aware hadn’t a hope in hell of being sanctioned. Will this health statistic failure be now ‘etched,’ on this new pilot site?
Heard A Good Joke Today:
It seems a Tipperary T.D died and went to heaven. He stood in front of the Pearly Gates & while queuing, noticed a large wall of clocks in the reception area behind St. Peter.
While being checked in the T.D asked curiously “Peter why all the clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Deceiver-Clocks. It is not publicly known on earth, but everyone who has ever lived has a Deceiver-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands move on your particular personal private clock.”
Oh, said the T.D, shocked “Whose clock is that then?”
“That clock is owned by mother Teresa,” replied St. Peter. “Note the hands have never moved, which would indicates that she has never told a lie.”
“This is truly incredible,” said the T.D, “and who owns that clock?” he pointed.
St. Peter replied, “That is President Abraham Lincoln’s clock, note the hands have moved only twice, thus informing us that Abraham only told two lies in his entire life.”
“Where is my clock?” asked the T.D.
St Peter replied. “Jesus has it in his office. He is currently controlling the temperature by using it as a ceiling fan.”
I wonder if we quit voting, would they all just go away?
As my old granny used to say “I don’t like political jokes…. because too many of them get elected.”
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