US President Mr Donald Trump (better known as “The Tangerine Toddler”), has apparently set his sights on the Atlantic Ocean, suggesting it should be renamed the “American Ocean”.
Supposedly, speaking at a rally in South Carolina, the US President claimed he approached Google boss Mr Pichai Sundararajan (better known as Mr Sundar Pichai), about changing the name on Google Maps, only to be told that oceans were a step too far because they touch so many countries.
After successfully getting the Gulf of Mexico renamed the Gulf of America on American maps, and Lake Ontario relabelled Lake America, it seems Mr Trump has developed a taste for renaming anything containing water!
Well, here’s a thought for our Irish Taoiseach, Mr Micheál Martin. Sir, pick up the phone to Google immediately and tell them Ireland is putting in its own claim!
After all, the Atlantic Ocean has been washing the shores of Ireland for thousands of years. We’ve endured its storms, its rain, its wild winds and its freezing, feckin temperatures. Surely that gives us naming rights too?
We could call it “The Great Irish Ocean” and be done with it! And if “The Tangerine Toddler” objects, Mr Martin can simply tell him; “Sorry, Donald, but we’ve been getting soaked by that ocean long before America was even discovered by Europeans!” ️
Mind you, knowing Ireland, we’d probably have to establish a committee; commission a €5 million feasibility study; hold three public consultations, before still ending up calling it the Atlantic!
There’s another little problem here. Has anyone told “The Tangerine Toddler” about Ireland’s world-famous Wild Atlantic Way?
What happens to our magnificent 2,500km coastal tourist route? Will Tourism Ireland now have to spend millions rebranding it the “Wild American Way”?
Imagine the new signs stretching from Donegal to Cork; ‘Welcome To The Wild American Way — Make Connemara Great Again!‘
The Cliffs of Moher would eventually become “Trump Towers by the Sea”, Galway Bay would be renamed “Mar-a-Lago Bay”, and the Ring of Kerry might need a new name, maybe “The Donald Trump Victory Lap!”
And God help the poor tourists arriving in Dingle expecting cowboys, cheeseburgers and Route 66, only to find sideways rain, wandering sheep and a €9 pint!
Mr Micheál Martin now needs to get on the phone to Mr Trump immediately! “Donald, you can rename your golf courses, your hotels and even your oceans if you like. But you’re NOT getting your hands on the Wild Atlantic Way!”
And knowing Mr Trump, he’d probably reply: “Micheál, it’s going to be the greatest ocean rebranding in history. Ireland will pay for the signs. Beautiful signs. Tremendous signs. Everybody says so!”
Listen, hands off our Atlantic, Donald. We’ve been getting soaked by it for centuries, and we haven’t finished complaining yet! One thing is certain; you can change the name on Google Maps, but you can’t change the geography.
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