River Suir At Thurles, Co. Tipperary Launches Ireland’s First Underwater Cycle Lane

Anyone looking for a ride in Thurles, tonight, then an unwanted, submerged Crossway Merida bicycle could be your best bet.

Local wildlife was left baffled this week after a bicycle was discovered taking an unscheduled bath in the River Suir.

The bike, believed to be a Crossway Merida variety, was found lying beneath the water with all the dignity of a cyclist who had confidently shouted, “Watch this!” moments before disaster. As yet no body has been located.

Witnesses say the bicycle may have entered the river after misunderstanding Ireland’s new transport policy. “It heard everyone talking about greener travel,” one duck explained, “and apparently decided to join the actual green overgrown rush bed.”

The River Suir is already famous for its salmon and brown trout. Now it can add mountain bikes to the list, although anglers are reminded that bicycles must be returned to the water if they are under eighteen gears. Fishing in Ireland has yet to confirm the correct bait, but experts recommend using a fluorescent jacket and shouting, “Who left this here?”
The bicycle itself declined to comment, although one wheel appeared distinctly tired. Its chain is reportedly rusty, its brakes are feeling pressured, and the saddle has requested immediate relocation to somewhere less damp.

Thurles Municipal Council officials and local Councillors are considering several explanations; illegal dumping, a dramatic relationship breakup, or an ambitious attempt to cycle directly to France without paying ferry charges.
Environmental campaigners “Refresh Thurles” have stressed that rivers are no place for unwanted bicycles. Anyone wishing to dispose of an old bike should use a proper recycling facility, or give it to someone who promises not to test whether it can swim.

At press time, and for several months previous the bicycle has remained submerged at low tide, awaiting rescue, repair, and a very stern lecture about not wearing its water wings.

Now with public transport prices being increased by 15% from January, an immediate rescue could be advantageous.