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Mikey Ryan Released From Hospital Observation.

The Arch Bar

“I haven’t seen you for at least a week”, said I, “Were you on holidays?”.
Mikey Ryan was wending his way towards The Arch Bar, through the labrinth of plastic bollards and wire railings on Liberty Square, as I was exiting the same venue.

“Between ourselves”, said Mikey “And this isn’t widely known, I was in hospital down in Limerick, with a suspected broken jaw”.

Not wishing to pry I asked, in jest, “Did you fall off your wallet again?”

“Not at all”, said Mikey, then lowering his voice he related to me a tale from which some men could do worse than pay attention.

“Truth is I was attacked by a woman in an elevator” Mikey stated in low tones.

“Tell me more” says I, “Was she local?”

“Not at all”, said Mikey, “She was from over Nenagh direction possibly; sure I don’t even know her name. Let me finish the story”.
“There was I already going down in the hotel lift on my own, when she got in on the fourth floor. A good lookin well-built bit of fluff, in her 30’s I’d say. She looked at me in silence, with her back to the rear of the elevator”.

Lowering his voice to a whisper Mikey Ryan continued, “I couldn’t help myself, throwing a series of casual glances sideways at her ample boobs, when she said to me curtly “Sir would you please press one”, so I did.”
“The next thing I remember after that”, confirmed Mikey, “was a paramedic crouched over me, in a speeding ambulance; sirens blazing, and this ferocious pain in my swollen left jaw”.

“And how did you explain that to herself indoors”, said I.

“Oh, I told her I fell backwards out of an indoor swing in the hotel”, said Mikey, “while having my photo taken. I said I was holding drink in both my hands, thus restricting my ability to balance and preventing myself from holding the ropes properly“.

“Listen I have to rush”, said Mikey, “I have a terrible thirst and Pat will be calling last orders shortly. Are you sure you won’t wait for one more?”.

“No can’t possibly”, said I, “Herself is gone to Bingo and she is insisting I watch the 11:00pm news and relate, when she returns, why Kate Middleton didn’t bond with Meghan Markle.”

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