Thurles Information

“You won’t believe it”, said Mikey Ryan, “but as true as Santa Clause, didn’t I run into Beyoncé Murphy over in Templemore about an hour ago. She swore she was crossing the local petrol station forecourt, just before I pulled in, and you will never guess who she met”.

“Give me a hint”, said I, “or better still surprise me”.

Now, to be quite honest and not wanting to be unkind, but had I realised Mikey Ryan would end up sitting in the next chair, having his hair and eyebrows cut in “Pat The Barber”; you know the place I mean, there beside the Suir, on Emmett Street, close to Barry’s Bridge and the bridge Castle; I would have cancelled that badly needed personal haircut until slightly later in the day.

“He came in driving this state-of-the-art Mercedes-Benz, into the petrol station she told me, and furthermore she confessed to nearly wetting her last pair of Calvin Klein thongs with the pure excitement of this encounter”, said Mikey, “Now go on, guess who it was?”.

“Well was it the Minister for Transport Shane Ross”, said I, “I heard he was down here closing shop on rural publicans”.

“No”, said Mikey “sure the Irish transport minister knows nothing about motor vehicles and even less about publicans, and according to what I hear, he never sat his driving test. No, you’ll never guess, it was the great Rory McIlroy, the golfer, heading for Thurles Golf Club“, said Mikey.

“Oh, you’re very welcome to Tipperary Mr McIlroy, says Beyoncé Murphy, in an excited squeaky voice, having recognised his fizzog from her flat screen television”, Mikey continued.

“Now according to Beyoncé, Rory gave her the ‘twice over’, if you know what I mean, as he bent forward to grab his petrol nozzle. In doing so, two golf tees fell out of his shirt’s top pocket, onto the tarmac.” continued Mikey.

Now from what I knew myself about Miss Murphy, while she was well known in some ball playing circles, however her knowledge of sport could be best described as non-existent. But enough said and personally I wasn’t surprised when Mikey informed me that Beyoncé had asked “What are those two things for?”, as she quickly moved closer to assist with their recovery.

Mikey Continued, “They’re called tees” replies Rory McIlroy with a smile.

A curious and somewhat confused Beyoncé now asks, “Well, what on the God’s green earth would you be using them for Mr McIlroy?

“They’re for resting my balls on before I drive on the golf course,” replies Rory.

“Feckin Jaysus,”, says an enthralled Beyoncé, “Doesn’t Mercedes-Benz think of everything.”