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Mother Nature badly let us down this year, well her and that interfering busybody and Chairman of the Road Safety Authority, Gay Byrne.
As a well respected Tipperary councillor, I feel it is my duty to remind you all that earlier this month Gay Byrne, accused the Government and in particular the Minister for Justice Alan Shatter, of having little or no interest in road safety. Mr Byrne said that the lack of emphasis on road safety by the Government in general had him downcast and completely depressed. He also said he believed that Minister for Justice Alan Shatter has about as much interest in road safety as Gay himself did in snipe shooting. Byrne said: “Last year was the most successful year in terms of fatalities but it looks like now, steadily before our eyes, all the gains we’ve made in the last six or seven years are being lost.”
Now Gay, while you might be the most famous of broadcasters in Irish history and have had more influence on changing life in this county, than certainly any of our Tipperary political leaders, road safety issues in this area are something you do not want to be getting involved in.
Understand Gay, due to those 15 days of dry weather back last July, Mother Nature, as she is normally wont to do, failed us miserably in hiding completely all our road signs from the public gaze this year. You must be familiar with the Shakespearian phrase “Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.” You see Gay if we were to make our road signs available to the public’s gaze; the next thing that would happen is an influx of those nosey tourists sniffing around.
Here in Thurles, thanks be to God, due to no proper Tourism funding, poor marketing and North Tipperary Tourism Company Ltd (NTTCL), we never have to worry about tourists, and it helps when we as councillors also do our bit in making it difficult to drive around, through the use of concealed and confusing road signs. You can see from one directional sign in our video above, we cut one kilometre out of the centre of North Tipperary County Councils measuring tape, in the hope that the extra 1km would prove just 1km to far for outsiders.
North Tipperary Tourism Company Ltd are helping also by printing a new brochure again this year. No one has told them about the Internet yet and they haven’t worked out that if no visitors actually come to Thurles, there is no one to pick up their poor quality publication. Certainly tour operators at junket trade shows are not interested in our humble offerings of Thurles “Home of Erin Foods,” latter which closed down some seven years ago. Ah yes we here as councillors manage to successfully confuse most of the more daring of our would be world wayfarers, by pretending we still have a factory called Erin Foods left in the town. I personally believe if its Bisto gravy, Oxo gravy or Campbell’s soup these people are looking for, let them find out the hard way, before moving on elsewhere, hopefully never to return.
Yes there are some misguided, easily led individuals who have been fooled into placing adverts on the Internet, but ask yourself Gay, without laughing, if you were looking for a good bed & breakfast near Thurles on the Internet, would you type into Google’s search engine the words “Cantata2.” or Bed & Breakfasts Thurles, in the hope of finding one?
Thank God for Section 46 of the Wildlife (Amendment) Act 2000, which gives the Irish government an excuse for failing to use a Slash Hook around our local road signs, all in the interest of wildlife Health & Safety, during the months from February to September. What further proof do we need, yes “you sure can fool all the people all of the time.”
Just a thought; has anyone read a manual recently, explaining the operational mechanics of a Slash Hook and is there a Health & Safety Course available I wonder?
P/S. I hope my party colleagues Noel Coonan & Allan Kelly don’t see this, as they Key Fob Out and skip home early on some Friday evening. No I don’t think they will, sure they haven’t been seen or certainly contributed anything to Thurles since they were both elected.
It gets harder for town Councillors, like myself, to attract media attention these days, what with Leader Funding, Arts Council Grants, Lottery Funds and other preferential government slush funds now totally depleted for another year. Now with the long summer vacation coming to an end, I find myself heading for bed unable to sleep, so great is my concern for the current state of the Irish nation.
 To add to this dilemma, the national installation of water meters, which began on August 9th last, at a cost to the tax payer of €539 million over the next three years, is now being forced on the Irish people by the Troika. I should point out the FineGael /Labour government, of which I remain a staunch advocate, is being forced into this unpardonable act, as indeed was attested to by the present Minister for the Environment, Community and Local Government.
The Minister himself, despite threats by right-wing fundamentalists, came out of hiding briefly today to attend a press conference in Buswells Hotel, Dublin; his aim to publish his new 10 point manifesto on how to reduce domestic water charges.
In compiling his new manifesto entitled “Splashing Cold Water On Recession 2015 ,” the minister thanked his 25 personal civil service advisor’s, all who assisted him in assembling this new major initiative document, published hereunder, I am delighted to say, exclusively for those who elected me in the last local election.
Toilet Cleaning Instructions.
Save Irish Water Consumers Vast Teuro. (Teuro is a slang term thought up by our German EU overlords for Euro zone money and based on a play on the German word ‘teuer,’ latter meaning ‘expensive.’ Note also; words like “The brown envelope,” “dosh,” “loot,” “lolly,” “filthy Lucre,” “moolah,” “readies,” and “spondulicks” are now totally outdated and should no longer be used, by members loyal to the EU.)
Recommended Toilet Cleaning Initiative:
- Ensure lid of toilet is in the open/upward hinged position before adding 1/4 cup of standard pet shampoo to liquid already existing in base of standard toilet bowl.
- Choose and pick up one live cat (Variety Felis silvestris catus). If you are currently in mortgage arrears and therefore forbidden by your bank to buy cat food, borrow one of the ever increasing stray variety currently abandoned in your local community.
- Soothe this lithe-bodied, round-headed, fissiped, carnivorous mammal into a false sense of security by gentle stroking fur underneath chin, while you take him/her in transit towards one of the many en suit scented bathrooms, proudly displayed in your current pre 2008 Irish residence.
- In one swift, speedy movement, place the cat into the open toilet and with lightening speed close down lid. Note: It may be necessary to sit or stand on the said toilet lid, depending on age and strength of animal now incarcerated.
- In its playful attempts to escape, this trapped feline will automatically self agitate, thus making ample soapy suds. The noises that come from the toilet should be totally ignored, as the cat, contrary to common belief, is actually enjoying this rather unusual first time experience.
- When approx two minutes of time has elapsed, flush the toilet once. This provides a “power-wash” and “rinse” effect to both toilet and enclosed animal.
- Next have someone open the front door of your home, ensuring that there are no persons, particularly the elderly, disabled or underprivileged, positioned directly between your bathroom and the front door.
- It is now important that those entrusted to carry out this cleansing operation should stand behind the toilet as far back as physically possible, before quickly releasing their tight grasp on the lid.
- In most cases the cat will rocket out of the toilet, faster than an Irish serial paedophile rapist who has been released from Mountjoy jail after three days for good behaviour, having been previously adjudged incarcerated for ten years. Felis silvestris catus will streak from your bathroom, reaching speeds which would normally result in a fixed-charge fine of €80 and 2 penalty points on your driving licence, before then running outside where this animal, totally unperturbed by this incident, will quickly lick itself dry again.
- Both the toilet bowl (commode) and cat should remain sparkling clean for up to seven days, before this procedure will necessitate repetition.
The minister was quick to point out that this operation can bring about massive savings through the non purchase of further toilet brushes, while also saving up to 10 litres of your very valuable aqua.
When quizzed on issues in relation to possible cruelty to animals the minister stated he was not prepared to discuss problems which related to other ministers and their departments in government.
I was bathed in a lather of sweat, I can tell you, when I was awakened by the milk man making his early morning rounds. The wife blames that blue mouldy cheese which I continue to eat before bed, for my constant nocturnal dreams containing situations of danger, discomfort, psychological and physical terror, but you and I know it’s the heavy responsibility laid daily on my burdened shoulders, with regards to matters of state.
“Ill fares the land, to hastening ills a prey, Where wealth accumulates, and men decay.”
Lines from “The Deserted Village,” by Oliver Goldsmith.
Like the rest of my well informed Local Council colleagues seated here on our Town Council, when it came to “The Ryan Gathering 2013,” I am on public record as being totally opposed and have stated as much, during one or other of the few meetings that I actually managed to attend in the Town Council offices last year.
 Tourism only causes problems, encouraging complete total strangers to come into our midst, staring at the ‘labouring swain,’ asking stupid questions and wasting the working man’s time, as he toils in this lovely bower of innocence and ease. Tourism might be perfect for those that reside in Dublin, but opening up our town to stranger here in Thurles can only lead to non-desirable elements being attracted from overseas. Very soon, as you can imagine, we could have members of al-Qaeda, Egyptian Islamic Jihad, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Military Wing of the Marxist–Leninist Communist Party, the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine, The Taliban or as I will explain, Simone Ryan-Oosterhouse, all converging here to visit St Mary’ Famine & War museum.
(Click on Poster for larger image)
These would be followed by foreigners setting up Cocaine and Cannabis factories in unsuspecting private rented accommodations all over the county. Sure according to local Gardaí, it is very possible there wouldn’t be a drop of Gucci, Chanel, Dior or Armani toilet water left in chemist shops for the locals, what with Romanian, Ukrainian, Latvian and Bulgarian gangs flooding over here, stealing that which, we in Thurles, have grown accustomed to splashing daily on the whole of our bodies.
No there were far more important decisions to be getting on with over the past year at Town Council level and all far more suitable for discussion during those laborious two hour long meetings, held once a month. Major problems like Boy Racers, Dog Defecation, Solitary Tearful Individuals to be prevented from visiting local graveyards praying late at night, Skateboard Parks, Free Car Parking for window shoppers, Proposed Multi Storey Car Parks in Liberty Square etc. and all guaranteed to give us a front page headlines on the Tipperary Star Newspaper.
Now while I am aware we as Local Councillors were totally unsuccessful in finding even one single, solitary solution to any of these aforementioned problems, we nevertheless, with the assistance of North Tipperary Tourism Company (NTTCL) and our village statesmen, namely Noel Coonan and Allan Kelly, we all as a team with looks profound, soon put a stop to this tourism nonsense. Thank God, no more can we expect an influx of militant strangers, terrorists at best, frolicking here in our quiet, sweet smiling, hamlet of Thurles.
However strictly between you and me, behind the scenes I can tell you, this “The Ryan Gathering 2013,” has personally been a private disaster for me, so permit me to further elaborate, if you will.
Continue reading The Ryan Gathering Festival Begins In Thurles Next Friday
Yes austerity really does work, check out the figures below, but first a big thank you from all here in Tipperary, in particular to the Labour Party who continue to support Fine Gael in saving our nation from total collapse by the introduction of laws/taxes, which fail to take into consideration a person’s ability to pay.
Figures from the CSO confirm that some 82% of households had reduced their spending in the third quarter of 2012, as a result of the economic downturn.
The category where spending was most frequently reduced was going out to pubs, restaurants etc (66% of households), followed by clothing, footwear (65% of households) and groceries (51% of households).
Over one third of households who used a car had cut back on their expenditure on this means of transport.
Some 14% of owner occupied households with a mortgage were unable to make mortgage repayments on time at least once in the previous twelve months due to financial difficulties, while on the rental side 19% of all renting households failed to pay rent on time at least once.
Over 40% of households indicated that they had experienced difficulties in keeping up with their bills and debts, while two fifths of individuals were concerned about their level of personal debt into the future.
Over half of these said that they were currently more concerned than they had been twelve months previously. Only 5% indicated that their level of concern had decreased.
Meanwhile RTE has confirmed it was €65.2m in the red last year following a major restructuring of the company. The state broadcaster insists however that it was on target to break even in 2013, and thank God the Communications Minister Pat Rabbitte is on hand to keep a close eye on their finances which in real terms of course means an increase in licence fees, through mobile phone and computer usage is about to be demanded, to ensure they do. Now with plenty of repeat programming and Pat Kenny’s wage packet no longer an issue, this will most certainly be achieved.
Looks like all the numerous holes in this rotten hulk called Ireland are now sealed and we are once more sailing on calm, clear, blue waters, into a bright, new dawn. Expect full employment by a week from next Thursday, but before that expect a few more Labour TD’s to jump overboard very soon.
 Leinster House Dail Bar Authorities in Leinster House are being asked to consider shortening our Dáil Bars hours of trading. Ceann Comhairle Mr Sean Barrett has added this ‘after hour’s issue,’ to an agenda for consideration at the next meeting of the Dáil’s main technical committee.
This once unlicensed “speak easy,” which recently has been in the spotlight, since it emerged that several TDs had been drinking heavily during one of the Dáil’s rare late-night recent debates, beats local competition for the price of its tipple. Customers can avail of ‘Guinness,’ costing €4.30 a pint, and ‘Heineken,’ for €4.70 compared to an average €4.80 and €5.20 usually paid outside this club’s precinct.
This subsidised alcohol price, saw turnover increase at this once “No Women Allowed Síbín,” by 5% from €138,600 to €145,623 in the twelve months to the end of December 2012. (Not bad consumption rates for 166 people on a three day week.)
Anyway, could over fraternizing at this favoured watering hole be the reason then why Ministers, TD’s and their staff, fail to answer e-mails; e.g Leo Varadkar, Allen Kelly and Richard Bruton.
Here on Thurles.Info we wrote to Minister Leo Varadkar requesting why a rail ticket from Thurles to Monasterevin had increased by over 100% – no reply. We wrote to Minister Richard Bruton last April hoping to discuss job creation in the town. We received the standard automated customary, “Thank you for your communication …. Will talk soon,” communication, and then no further contact. With Alan Kelly and e-mails, well he and his staff operate a contemptuous “Pretend and deny we ever got it,” system, which if pushed is then excused by an e-mail whitelist/blacklists anti-virus filtering system.
Some weeks ago we received a call to meet Mr Kelly to discuss issues here in Thurles on some Friday he had in mind. Despite an e-mail reminding him and requesting a date suitable for him to meet us, alas no reply. (Curses; foiled yet again by his anti-virus filtering system.)
On the other side of the Coalition North Tipp Fine Gael Deputy Noel Coonan has credited The Gathering with the increase in overseas visitors to Ireland, informing Tipp FM that the increase of 5.4%, announced by the Central Statistics Office (CSO) nationally is proof of what he is being told from business owners in Tipperary, that the Gathering has given tourism here a welcome shot in the arm. Here is a TD who obviously is unaware that at least 8 hotels in the county are in receivership with two now completely closed. He also has not read the Draft North Tipperary Tourism Strategy & Action Plan 2012 – 2014. Please, please, please take the time to skim down through this short draft document.
See page 6 [Table 1.1 Tourism Numbers in Mid West (Preliminary) 2010, Source Fáilte Ireland.]
The number of people visiting Ireland in the first half of this year, according to the Central Statistics Office possibly did increased by 5.4 % with those coming from north America up by over 15%, but how many of these statistics identify labourers and builders coming from Canada (Yes, latter is part of North America) as recent emigrants on a visit to their families back home. Note none of this 5.4 % increase certainly hit North Tipperary and British tourists fell by 1.1% nationally in April and June compared to last year, down from 735,200 to 726,900, despite the massive funding spent marketing by Tourism Ireland on just Dublin city alone.
It is also imperative that our readers see the funding handed out through Leader under the heading; (See pages 6 – 11 Inc.) North Tipperary LEADER Partnership, Summary of Tourism Related Rural Development Programme Investment, 2009.
Thurles Summer Arts Festival 2011 [Total Investment Cost or TIC] €24,009.18 – Thurles Halloween Festival 2012 (TIC) €67,472.50 – The Source Arts Centre, Thurles (TIC) €57,398.00. This financial figure does not include bucket collections on Liberty Square. Were any job’s created, was one tourist attracted I ask?
Yet, a call for the return of the Derrynaflan Chalice, latter stolen from our midst to assist and promote a Dublin economy, was found by North Tipperary Co Council, according to the same Deputy Noel Coonan, to be financially not viable and would cost €100,000 to accommodate here in Thurles.
Deputy Coonan it appears has not yet worked out that “Customers only create Jobs.”
Yes it appears our ‘know all,’ TD’s do not wish to listen or communicate with those who elected them, outside the precincts of the Dail Snug. Our voices are only required on voting day. Their deafness reminds me of the yarn told about an elderly grumpy member of our envied Irish justice system, who had a similar hearing problem.
“Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?” asked the Judge.
“Feck all,” said the defendant.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that,” replied the ageing Judge, & turning to the Clerk of the Court, he enquired as to what the man had said.
“He said ‘Feck all,’ Your Honour,” responded the Courtroom official.
“Really?” puzzled the judge. “I could have sworn I saw his lips move.”
One of the world’s greatest social musical commentators, New Jersey and rock legend Bruce Springsteen is appearing in Kilkenny this evening. I am sure his first number as usual will be “Death To My Hometown.” Do you remember the lyrics ?:
“They destroyed our families’ factories and they took our homes,
They left our bodies on the plains, The vultures picked our bones,
So listen up, my Sonny boy, Be ready for when they come,
For they’ll be returning sure as the rising sun.“
[From Springsteen’s Album “Wrecking Ball.” (2012)]
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