Thurles Man Mikey Ryan Didn’t Vote In Last Local Election.

“I forgot to ask you Mikey, did you get out to cast your vote on June 7th last”, said I.
Mikey Ryan and myself was supping above in the Arch Bar in Liberty Square, when I first broached that most delicate of political questions.

“Indeed and I didn’t”, said Mikey, “sure I come from an era when Halloween used to be the scariest night of the year; now it’s bloody election night. Anyway I don’t believe in re-electing repeat offenders”, he quickly added.

“Politics, you of all people should know,” said Mikey “is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, then misdiagnosing it and later misapplying the wrong remedies, so I want no hand act or part in it; anyway instead of giving local councillors keys to Thurles Town, the electorate would be better off changing the locks.”

“This is a fact”, continued Mikey, “one local councillor, no names-no court martial, went out canvassing in the Rahealty – Moyne area of Thurles three weeks ago. He found my brothers unemployed son, Tommy, out in the field milking their only cow. The councillor approached our Tommy, seeking his vote and just as he was getting started with his promises, my brother called him back into the house. Tommy, said he, get your arse into the house immediately; and who is that fellow you’re talking to? I think he’s a local councillor, said Tommy. ” Well in that case, you’d better bring the cow inside with you, said my brother.”

“You know, I remember distinctively,” said I, “that as a school-going child, telling my father that I wanted to be a local councillor when I grew up. And I remember my father asking was I insane; had I lost my mind or was I simply growing up to become a proper moron? It was because of those required qualifications that I gave up and never bothered since, with that notion”.

“I was driving out to a funeral in Holycross about a month ago”, said Mikey, “when I noticed a sign on the side of the road stating ‘Sinn Féin puppies for sale’. Sure, it must have been two week later I was driving on the same route and viewed the sign as reading ‘Fianna Fáil puppies for sale’.
I stopped the car and enquired from the dog seller why the sign said Sinn Féin puppies two weeks ago, but Fianna Fáil puppies now. The sellers answer came without any hesitation: Well, sir, you see they have their eyes open now.”

“Ah sure look” said I, “the reason these people want to put their name forward for election, in the first place, is because their wives want them out of the house.”
Give us the same again there Hayes, when you get a chance”, said I.


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