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Mikey Ryan Attends Imaginary Fund Raising Event

“Begob when the time for the local elections comes around in May this year, we will nearly have to take a half day off work,” said Mikey Ryan, “it’s going to be so busy ticking little boxes”.

Arch Bar, Liberty Square, Thurles, Co Tipperary

We were upstairs in the meeting room in the Arch Bar, Liberty Square. Mikey had spun some yarn about it being necessary that he attend some charity fund raiser meeting and I had been dragged in to confirm the need for his attendance at this imaginary event; thus, the reason for us staying out of the main bar area. If ‘herself ‘ did arrive, we had arranged with Pat to confirm that the meeting had ended earlier than expected.

“Jasus, I doubt if anyone will bother their arse to go voting in the next local elections in Thurles”, said I, “sure only this morning on TippFM, your own namesake, Cllr. Mr Jim Ryan said that Liberty Square was to be upgraded beginning in the, quote,” third quarter of this year”, (September 2019). Within minutes Cllr. Mr Michéal Lowry was contradicting him, stating it wasn’t starting in fact until next year, (2020). Now according to Mr John Butler (Thurles Chamber of Commerce), quote “the long awaited refurbishment of Liberty Square will begin in May to July of this year”, (second quarter 2019).

“Ah sure, those guys are only looking to get their importance highlighted”, said Mikey, “sure I’m talking about the referendum on divorce that is going on at the same time, alongside local and European elections.”

“So, which of our TD’s have run into marriage problems and are looking to change our existing divorce laws”, said I.

“None yet, so far as I am aware”, said Mikey, “but Justice Minister Charlie Flanagan and that Minister for Culture Ms Josepha Madigan one, are both going to be announcing details shortly.

“Begob, now that you highlight it” said I, “I was over in the Premier Hall there before Christmas attending a lecture given by a dietitian. He was saying that the material we put into our stomachs is enough to have already killed most of us sitting here”. “Red meat”, said he, “is a curse, feckin awful”. You will even note that the Taoiseach for Dublin city, Mr Leo Varadkar is even reducing his meat intake. “Them’s soft drinks are corroding our stomach linings; Chinese food is loaded with that Monosodium Glutamate; High fat diets are disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm being secretly caused by those germs in our Irish water”.

However, there is one food that is the most dangerous of all” said he, “we all have already eaten it, or surely will, sometime in the near future, consume it.

“Now”, said he, “a question for you out there in the audience; can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and prolonged suffering, once you consume it?

“Then it struck me Mikey”, ‘Feckin Wedding Cake.’


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