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Thurles Man Reports Wife As A Missing Person

Aware that she had failed to feed him on Friday night, and had further failed to bring him his usual fry-up in bed at 10.00 a.m. on the following Saturday morning; Thurles born Mick Ryan now felt it was his duty to officially report his wife as a missing person.

“She went shopping yesterday and has not come home”, said Mick to the interviewing Garda Sergeant.
“What is her height?” asked the Sergeant, raising a biro to record forthcoming information.
“She’d be a bit over five-feet tall, but I’m not sure”, said Mick
“Weight?” asked the Sergeant.
“Don’t know”, said Mick, “She’s Not slim, but not really that fat either”.
“Colour of eyes?” queried the Sergeant.
Mick thought for a few moments; on the few occasions she had allowed him to get close, the lights had been switched off.  “Kind of brown I think. Never really noticed”, Mick finally replied.
“Colour of hair?” asked the Sergeant checking his standard missing persons sheet.
“She changes it every month, but I do believe it might have been a kind of a piebald brown last week,” said Mick.
 “What was she wearing?”, asked the Sergeant, rapidly coming to the realisation that efforts to find Mick’s wife, were indeed going to be difficult.
“She could have been wearing pants”, said Mick, “or maybe a skirt or no I think I remember her in shorts, but I don’t know exactly.”
“Was she driving any kind of a vehicle?” the Sergeant asked.
“She took my new Ford Kuga.” Mick replied
“Describe the vehicle?” asked the Sergeant:
“It was a new Ford, navy blue KUGA with sports body-styling kit and lowered suspension with ‘Absolute Black’ alloy wheel design. It had machined alloy pedals, a special sports steering wheel, branded scuff plates, unique sports seats offering the driver a position of command and comfort. Equipped with remarkable technologies and advanced safety features. This Kuga was designed to be as cost efficient to run as it was a pleasure to drive. Sure, it cost me the bones of €30 thousand”, replied Mick, his body now physically trembling, as tears gushing down his face.

Take it easy Mr Ryan,” said the Sergeant, “We’ll find your vehicle”.


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