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Public Service Cards In Breach Of Data Legislation

The Government has been given just 21 days to stop misusing Public Services Cards and the Data Protection Commission (DPC) are demanding that data held on more than 3.2 million such cards be now deleted within 21 days.

Public Services Cards were first introduced as a pilot scheme in 2011, primarily as a means of preventing social welfare fraud. Initially, it was to be an identification card of sorts, containing simply the personal details of the holder e.g. their name, photo, PPS Number etc, that could be presented by individuals identifying themselves when claiming social welfare benefits.

However, to many including Digital Rights Ireland; the Irish Council for Civil Liberties; the UN’s Special Rapporteur on Extreme Poverty and Age Action, this same introduction was seen as an attempt to introduce a National ID card by stealth.

Some cynics, distrustful of current government sincerity or integrity, suggested, (tongue in cheek), that PPS Numbers should be tattooed on peoples left arms, latter the method of identification used to identify inmates in German concentration camps, like Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland.

Public Services Cards went on to grant not just access to Social Welfare Services but access to Child Benefit and Treatment Benefits; first time adult passport applicants within the State; citizenship applications; driver theory test applications and access to personal online public services, e.g. Social Welfare and Revenue services, via MyGovId.

In recent years the Irish populace, particularly the elderly, were being persistently contacted by the Department of Social Protection, latter who were insisting that Public Services Cards were mandatory. The Minister for Social Welfare, Regina Doherty, stated back in 2017, that this PSC card was, quote; “mandatory but not compulsory” and yet “no more compulsory than having a driving license”, after a woman in her 70’s revealed she had not received her pension for 18 months, because she had refused to register for the card.

The department will now have six weeks in total to submit new plans to the Data Protection Commission (DPC), (latter the national independent authority responsible for upholding the fundamental right of the individual within the EU to have their personal data protected), outlining how it will bring this Public Services Card scheme into full compliance with current existing data protection legislation.

The amount of taxpayers money that has been wasted by this government on this project is estimated at €54.6 million; with some €9.5 million being incurred so far this year and card production alone costing €20.9 million according to the Irish Times newspaper.


There Remains A Moral In Every Tale

Cloontyprocklis Street, Thurles, Co. Tipperary

The madam, Ms Aurora Murphy, opened the local celebrity bordello door on Cloontyprocklis Street, Thurles, to find a rather well-dressed man, aged possibly in his early forties, standing on the granite doorstep, outside.

“May I help you sir?” asked Ms Aurora.

“I would like to see Ms Felicity Ryan”, this well-dressed caller replied.

As locals and regular visitors to Cloontyprocklis Street will be aware, Ms Aurora Murphy, as was her usual habit, first slowly scanned twice both sides of the Cul de Sac, anticipating a possible raid from the Criminal Assets Bureau (CAB), before, with some hesitation, she informed the visitor in low tones, “Sir, do be aware that Ms Felicity is one of our more expensive commodities. Perhaps you would prefer something a little cheaper perhaps”

“No, I would like to see Ms Felicity Ryan,” he replied.

Just then Felicity appeared from behind a screen and announced to the man that, because of her fear of Boris Johnston’s attitude with regards to next October’s Brexit deal, she accepted only Euro currency in advance; €5,000 per visit, including value added tax (VAT).

Without hesitation, the man counted out five thousand Euro and gave it to Ms Felicity, before accompanying her upstairs.

One hour later he was gone, but not for long. The following evening, this same well-dressed man was back, and once more demanding to visit with Ms Felicity Ryan.

The Madam, Ms Aurora Murphy, explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row to visit Ms Felicity Ryan, for no other reason other than she was so expensive, and any hope of a discount would not even be remotely entertained. The price would remain and stand firmly at €5,000 Euro per visit, including VAT.

Again, the man, without hesitation, pulled out 10 crisp notes in denominations of €500, and handed them to Ms Felicity Ryan, before ascending the stairs. One hour later a smiling client had again departed, but again not for long.

The following evening the man was surprisingly back yet again. Every one of the girls employed at the house were astounded that he had come back for a third consecutive night. They arrived at the conclusion that he probably was either a Member of the European Parliament (MEP); a Teachta Dála (TD) or a Banker; with some even suggesting that he could be an Irish Water executive. Once again, without a word, he paid Ms Felicity in full and in advance, before again ascending the carpeted staircase.

Later, just before he left and as he enjoyed a quick snort of cocaine through a rolled €50 Euro note; Ms Felicity Ryan decided to indirectly question the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row”, she smiled, “Where do you hail from may I ask?”

” I’m from Marino, Co. Dublin”, the man replied.

“Really”, said Ms Felicity, her eyebrows raised, “What a coincidence, I believe I have a family member whom I haven’t visited recently, still living in Marino, Co. Dublin”.

“Sure, I know that”, the well-dressed man replied, “I am a solicitor and handle the affairs of your now deceased unmarried sister. It was she in fact, before her death, who asked me to deliver your €15,000 inheritance, preferably in person.”

The Moral of This Story:

It is not just death and taxes that remain a certainty in one’s lifetime, but also the possibility of being screwed by a Solicitor.


Always Get Your Mathematics Right

Teacher: “Paddy now listen carefully; if I gave you 2 rabbits, then another 2 rabbits and then yet another 2 rabbits, how many rabbits in total would you own?”

Paddy: “Seven Miss”.

Teacher: “No Paddy, you are not listening. If I gave you 2 rabbits, then another 2 rabbits and then 2 more rabbits, how many rabbits in total would you have in all?”

Paddy: “I would have seven rabbits Miss”.

Teacher: “OK, I will put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, then another 2 apples and then another 2 apples, how many apples in total would you have?”

Paddy: “I would have six apples Miss”.

Teacher: “Excellent. Now lets try this again. If I gave you 2 rabbits, then another 2 rabbits and then 2 more rabbits, how many rabbits in total would you have?”

Paddy (Counting on his fingers): “I would have seven rabbits Miss”.

Teacher (Now annoyed): “Paddy in the name of God, where are you getting your seven from?”

Paddy: “Well I feckin already have one rabbit at home, Miss”.


Councillors Move To Prevent Sniper Attack In Thurles

Nearly 2,000 Gardaí are being drafted in for just one day, into Doonbeg Co. Clare, to protect a 400-acre property and its two owners. This one-day-event will cost the Irish tax payer nearly €11million Euro, when Defence Forces and local authority costs are taken into account.

Irish Army Ranger snipers backed up by elite Garda units will patrol the golf course itself.

US President Mr Donald Trump, aged 72, and his 49-year-old wife Mrs Melania Trump will arrive into Shannon Airport on the morning of Wednesday June 5th next and will meet with our Irish Taoiseach Mr Leo Varadkar at Shannon Airport, before heading to his Doonbeg hotel for a game of golf.

Meanwhile, Back Here In Thurles

Meanwhile, back here in Thurles, (according to our hidden cameras), two days prior to our local election, and for the first time in 5 years; staff employed by Tipperary Co. Council, bet down the wild marsh grasses and willow saplings on the river Suir near Barry’s Bridge. We understand that same were seen to pose a “Clear and Present Danger” to some outgoing councillors; latter who feared that snipers could hide, totally unseen, in the dense undergrowth, as same councillors paraded, grinning, around Liberty Square, totally unprotected and without a Garda in sight.

Would not this same €11million Euro have been better spent on a Ring Road for Thurles? This will be the burning question, here in Thurles Town, this morning; well it probably will be when everyone eventually wakens up.


Mikey Ryan’s Nephew To Run In Local Council Election

“It’s official, I can now formally announce to all that my nephew David, the sister’s eldest lad, has decided to run in the local Templemore / Thurles Municipal district elections, next Friday”, said Mikey Ryan.

We were above in the Arch Bar in Liberty Square, last night when Mikey broke the news, causing not a few patrons to cough into their gin and tonics.

“That’s the qualified electrician”, said I, “begod I thought he had emigrated, like everyone else, to America, Mikey.”

“You are indeed correct my friend” confirmed Mikey, “sure, he got ‘the start’ as an electrician with the US Prison Service over in Florida. Sad to say he got sacked during his first week. He refused to service the electrodes on their electric chair. Mind you, he would still claim that in his professional opinion that chair was a walking death trap if anyone sat on it. No, he is home again now, working the black economy, as an electrician, but hoping to fool enough people into giving him a job as a local councillor to earn that extra €17,000 plus expenses etc. for doing feck all.

“Well, you know”, said I “we the great oppressed people of Ireland are allowed, once every five years, to decide which particular county councillors we want to represent us; to suppress us even more. It’s an old tradition going back to the early 1900’s, demonstrating that democracy is alive and well in rural Ireland.

“You probably won’t believe this”, said Mikey in hushed tones,“but our David swears it’s true. He was out canvassing the other day and as he walked along the river walk at the back of Thurles Shopping Centre, didn’t he come across a lamp partially buried in the bank. He rooted the lamp out; gave it a rub to remove the slime. Then in the flash of an eye, didn’t a Genie appear, informing him that he had been granted one wish”.

Mikey went on to explain; “Knowing that the local elections were coming up, David thought long and hard for a minute, as indeed one would when found in the presence of a Genie. Wondering what would best benefit the town of Thurles; he eventually made a choice. I want to live forever he informed the Genie. No way said the Genie, Union Rules, only God is allowed to grant eternal life”.

Mikey continued, “OK, says our David, I’ll rephrase the text of that wish, I don’t want to die until after Thurles gets funding for that long-promised Ring Road and certainly not before Liberty Square gets its upgrade.

“Damn it, you’re a crafty little fecker“, said the Genie to David, before granting him his wish. Now surely that same shrewdness and cute-whorish activity is what’s needed in Tipperary politics today. I reckon he deserves my No.1″, continued Mikey.

” Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood and looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.”
Robert Frost

“Well it’s as I see it”, said I, “Thurles voters next Friday morning will stand like the poet Robert Frost did in his Yellow Wood; with one path leading to downright despair and utter hopelessness and the other path leading to total extinction. So, let’s hope we have the foresight to make the correct decision between the only two choices on offer.