Tipperary’s Overview On Irish Water Flat Charges

waterIn his surgery, while stitching a deep cut to the hand of a 65-year-old Tipperary farmer; the latter’s injury caused by a confused cow being de-horned in his cattle crush, the local Thurles doctor struck up a casual conversation with his nervous patient.

Their conversation eventually got around to the current problems within Irish Water, politics in general and under performing Tipperary politicians. The old farmer suggested that, “Well, as I see it, most politicians in Tipperary are ‘Post Turtles’.”

As you can imagine with very few, if any, Turtles to be found naturally occurring in Tipperary and not being familiar with this descriptive title, the local doctor asked his patient to further elaborate on his ‘Post Turtle’ correlation with politicians.

The old farmer explained, “Doctor when you’re driving down Seskin Lane in Thurles for example, if you should come across a narrow fence post with a turtle balancing precariously on top, that’s a ‘Post Turtle’.”

The old farmer, observing the now even more puzzled look on his doctor’s face, continued in his explanation; “You see Doctor, you realise that the turtle didn’t climb up there of his own efforts, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to hell to do while he is up there, he’s elevated totally beyond his normal ability to properly function and one can’t help but wonder what kind of dumb arse placed him up there in the first place.”

“Irish Water” said the elderly farmer, “Sure it’s rather like what a Dublin Whorehouse Madam once told me many years ago;  “Sir”, said she politely,“If you got it, you sell it; once sold sure you’ve still got it. It’s a very lucrative and progressive business, if you can keep it of the balance sheet – water that is – if you know what I mean!”


9 comments to Tipperary’s Overview On Irish Water Flat Charges

  • Michael


  • Pat

    A very stupid comment by Noel Coonan. Surely he should have thought this comment out first or was it a spur of the moment rush of blood to the head. However, he does not deserve a ‘death threat’.

  • Michael

    “I grew up in a generation where water was free and we paid for music.”

  • Michael

    You are right Pat, nobody deserves a ‘death threat’.

  • LK.

    Sorry if I offend you Michael but today everything is charged for but sex and air. The first been offered so liberally that even the whores in the whorehouse are on the breadline. Surely if the Gays don’t get in on the act, Marriage will be SO extinct! Relationships today are as disposable as a diaper! People will wonder why their ancestors got themselves tied down with such an arcane institution that is so expensive to get in and out of ,why bother? Marriage is like that of been tied down to a mortgage or God forbid, even your own children! Now, the second, ….air, well I guess some political Einstein shall come up with a way of taxing this soon, so inhale now while its not 5 cent a sniff. Michael, WATER WAS NEVER FREE, it was always paid out of Irish workers tax and once more with the Property tax. Correct me if I’m wrong but shall this not be the third time our government want to charge us for basically the same product?

  • LK

    100 million more on Irish water meter installations……100 million!……, Jesus I wonder what that looks like in the flesh? Total cost now is standing at 540 million! How much will the real prices for water be, once they actually fix the piping? F.G. want us to shut up about this as it has become a boring topic to the rich. F.G.leaders want us all now to concentrate on an economic recovery. We should be grateful,for as they sell Ireland piece by piece from beneath it’s citizens, Irish bankers retire in “scot-free” luxury with the infamous F.F.behind closed doors & bank bailout. Ireland for your children and your children’s children sake, will you now stand up for what is right?

  • Michael

    You are correct LK

  • LK

    There is only a 15 YEAR LIFESPAN on these incredibly expensive water meters. Irish people are been blackmailed by ruthless corporate thugs! After paying the “fair” capped-cap charges for water come April 2015 we will face the real metered charges in January 2019. This household bill, if introduced, through shamefully blackmailing Irish citizens, will only escalate from there. Do you remember those electronic voting machines that gathered dust in a warehouse?

  • LK

    The present coalition government of F.F. and Labour will, with water charges protesters growing daily, now try and scaremonger the Irish people into paying this disproportionate and unwanted household bill. Politicians in power, you face defeat on Irish Water and we; the people, want the abolition of this ‘joke’. We, the people, will now all boycott these charges and those who did register, they will go and collect their 100 Euros and still boycott these charges! How much more do ye want to add to your water administration bill Mr. Kelly, looking for this ‘grant’. The price of Irish Water is going to be very costly all round. Irish voters face into a possibility of 5 referendums next year, but, following the majority of householders “ALL STANDING TOGETHER”[Paul McCartney] and just refusing blank out to pay, they will get the respect of an early general election no ‘Mystic Mary’ need predict. What a terrible and embarrassing legacy you could have ahead in 2015, if replaced by a more radical new government that listens to the voice of its democratic people!

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