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Problems At University Hospital Limerick

Myself and Mikey Ryan were discussing health issues and the lack of hospital beds currently being provided by the Health Service Executive (HSE), at University Hospital Limerick (UHL).

Seated over a pint in the Arch Bar here in Liberty Square, Thurles last night; from what I could gather, Mikey’s Doctor had gotten him an appointment to have a colonoscopy, to be undertaken at UHL, in order to fully establish the correctness of a possible ulcer diagnosis. After all, as Mikey correctly pointed out, it’s a bit unnerving that doctors, these days, label what they get up too as “a practice”, so better therefore to be sure rather than to be sorry later on.

According to Mikey (and I have no reason to doubt the honesty of his tale), after this procedure, he woke up in UHL with his false teeth missing, an oxygen mask over his face, and a young pretty trainee nurse sponging his face and hands.

A now somewhat drowsy Mikey mumbled, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

The young trainee nurse blushed slightly, before replying “I don’t know Mr Ryan, I’m only present here to wash your face and hands.”

Mikey struggled to make his speech clearer, once again asking the same question, “Nurse, check are my testicles black?”

A kindly hospital Matron, nearby, observed that Mikey appeared to be in some distress, so naturally she came over to find out what was the problem.

“Matron can you check are my testicles black?” mumbled the somewhat distraught Mickey.

Matron pulled back the bed covers and opened Mikey’s hospital gown.  Having made a considered inspection, she again closed his gown and replaced the bed covers.

“You appear to have absolutely nothing wrong in that department”, Matron reassured Mikey.

His hands no longer restricted by the trainee nurses washing, Mikey pulled off his oxygen mask, replaced his false teeth and glaring at both staff members, before asking, “Are ye both feckin deaf, I asked are my test results back.”

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