Mikey Ryan For President On Friday, 26th October next.

Mikey Ryan was already in the Arch Bar, above here in Liberty Square, Thurles, last Monday night, when I arrived through its portals at 10.00pm.

It was obvious, right from the very onset of our usual Monday night encounter, that someone had taken a ‘bite out of Mikey’s bun’.
Without so much as a ‘hello’ or a ‘how are you’, Mikey said, “Do you see Murphy over yonder there?”
“Can’t say as I know the man,” said I glancing in the general, crowded direction that Mikey had indicated with his foot.
“Oh, you know him all right, he’s the one with the face reminiscent of an ass looking over a white washed wall”, said Mikey, pointing more accurately with his thumb, over his shoulder, at a man clad in a smart white shirt and matching tie.
“Oh, Murphy the plumber”, said I, “What did Murphy do on you?”
“Herself had a couple of dripping taps; one in the kitchen and another in the bathroom”, said Mikey, “so I sent for him to come and do the necessary.  Well he comes over to me a few minutes ago”, continued Mikey, “asking why I haven’t paid the bill for the work he undertook last Friday”.
“So, did you fork out”, said I.
“Faith I did in me arse”, stated Mikey, “sure his invoice wasn’t what he had originally quoted me.  When I had initially asked him to come and do the job, he was a kind of hesitant, before stating that he would be free on Friday.”

Before I even got a chance to reply, Mikey was off prattling again, “I tell you this”, said he, “this feckin country is rapidly heading down the tubesYou know a mate of mine was only telling me yesterday that he heard about five engineers, three males and two female from his local Co. Council, spending the bones of half an hour staring skyward at the top of a long steel pole.

What are you staring at enquired an inquisitive woman, who had parked her car nearby?

According to Mikey, one of the engineers confirmed that they were wondering what was the actual height of the pole.  The woman went to the boot of her car, returning with a bag containing tools.  Selecting a pliers and a 1/2″ spanner; she quickly removed the Whitworth bolt, before lowering the light steel pole; laying it flat on the roadside kerb. Then removing a tape measure from her tool bag, she measured the pole, declaring it to be 16ft precisely. Missus, thank you for your assistance, said one engineer, but we were looking for the height of the pole, but you have given us the measurements only for the width.

Disgusted, the woman reported the engineers to their Co. Manager, which resulted in the sacking of all five.
“Begod, I wonder what these engineers are doing now”, said I.
“You won’t believe it”, said Mikey, “sure haven’t they now all been nominated by Co. Councils to stand as candidates in the 2018 Irish presidential election, due on Friday, 26th October next”.  Begod, when I heard it, I was tempted to throw me hat into the ring meself”, Mikey concluded.

“You better give me a pint their Pat”, said I, “and you might as well freshen this one for Mikey, it looks like it’s going to be a long night”.


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