Mikey Ryan – Mystery Of Vanishing Fairy Cakes

“I see ‘The Geezer’ McGrath sadly passed away last week”, said I to Mikey Ryan. We were both above in the Arch Bar, Liberty Square, Thurles today, sheltering once more from the suns dangerous ultraviolet (UV) rays, latter being emitted and targeting currently the town of Thurles here in Co. Tipperary.

The reason for my own stopover was merely to support Mikey, latter who had informed ‘Frau’ Ryan, his lesser half, that it was crucial that he watch the longest eclipse of this century, when the moon was set to line up with the earth and the sun on tomorrow, July 27th, 2018, to form a ‘Blood Moon’.

Somehow or other Mikey had managed to fully convinced ‘Frau’ Ryan that he needed to be there a day early, to be sure, as he said himself, “of getting a front row seat in the Lounge of the Arch Bar, near to any device that might be used to observe distant objects, their emissions or absorptions, and / or their reflection, if any, of expected electromagnetic radiation”.  Sure, like isn’t ‘a nod as good as a wink’ to a blind ass, if you know what I mean.

“Ah yes, the poor auld Geezer, decent enough auld skin”, said Mikey, “sure I worked with him, only once mind you, on the graveyard shift; when we painted over in Sweeney’s Bakery in Mitchell Street, in the late sixty’s”.

“Yes, those were the days; begob the smell of those fresh loaves of bread and sponge cakes coming out of the oven would do your heart good back then”, continued Mikey.

“I suppose they would throw you the odd auld loaf of ‘scab bread’ (A traditional Irish Batch Loaf) as a bonus; still warm from the oven, for your breakfast, when you were heading home?” said I.

“Sure Justin, the head man, was as mean as feckin dishwater”, said Mikey, “he wouldn’t give you so much as the steam of his, you know whatSure, over in the canteen he insisted that a fork be kept at all times in the sugar bowl”, continued Mikey.

“Begob yes”, said I, “sure I heard many a Thurles person state that they suspected that the once 7-sided 50 pence piece, was actually designed by him; to replace the old 10-shilling note; thus, making it easier to extract from a customer’s fist, using an adjustable Wrench”.

“You know, come to think of it, one of the reasons I only ever worked once with ‘The Geezer’ was because of a little episode in that bakery”, said Mikey. “I once managed to lift one of their Fairy Cakes, quickly concealing it in my overalls, without ever being spotted by head buck cat, Justin Fogarty, which believe you me was a major feat of ingenuity in itself “.

“On the other hand, according to ‘The Geezer’, who had spotted my manual dexterity; same action was just plain blatant thievery”, said Mikey. “Now, said ‘The Geezer’, let me show you how to do that honourably; while achieving a more moral, yet similar result; in this case not worthy of even a mention when I should next visit the confessional in the local Cathedral of The Assumption”.

“So, he calls over Justin”, said Mikey, ” Justin Fogarty, said he, do you want to see a piece of real magic, which I will only demonstrate once, said ‘The Geezer’, just one time and one time only”.

“Somewhat intrigued, Justin waltzes over, confident no doubt that any magic performed or trickery attempted by ‘The Geezer’ that day, he would and could easily interpret and explain to those employees assembled roundabout.   ‘The Geezer’ closed one eye, before reaching out and then in one swift movement he grabbed a fairy cake, hastily eating it, reducing it to a few tiny crumbs.”

According to Mikey, “That action will cost you 50 pence, said Justin, alarmed that his baker’s dozen had been drastically reduced to a standard twelve; before then asking the question, where was the feckin magic to be found in someone simply eating a Fairy Cake?”.

“Ah now, replied ‘The Geezer’, sure you thought I ate your miserable fairy cake, didn’t you, now you take a look in the pocket of Mikey Ryan’s overalls and you will see that my action was a mere optical illusion.”


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