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Thurles Man Confesses To Inappropriate Behaviour

Himself a golfing enthusiast, Fr. Paddy Delaney was on duty hearing confessions in Thurles Cathedral, last week, when a tall, slim, middle aged man entered the confessional.

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned”, began the individual seeking atonement.
“What is your sin, my son?”  the kindly priest enquires.
“Well,” the man begins, “First I used some unrepeatable language recently in front of  work colleagues, while out golfing at Thurles Golf Club. Prior to my inappropriate behaviour, I had hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to travel over 250 yards, but, alas, it struck a power line that was crossing the fairway and rebounded, landing only about 100 yards away.”

“Is that when you swore?” asked an understanding Fr. Delaney.
“Not at all Father.” said the sinner, “After the ball came to a standstill, a dirty great grey squirrel ran down out of a nearby tree and grabbed my ball in his mouth, mistaking it for a nut, before beginning his run for cover.”

“Is that when you swore?” asked the kindly Fr. Delaney.
“Well, not as I recall.” said the man, “Because as the squirrel was fleeing the scene, a hawk dived down out of the sky and grabbed the grey squirrel in his talons, before beginning to fly away in the general direction of Littleton village!”

“Is that when you swore?” asked the golfers confessor.
“No, not yet”, the man replied. “Father, as the hawk carried the grey squirrel away in his claws, it flew up towards the green, and as it passed over a group of beech trees near that same green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear then?” asked the Priest now getting somewhat impatient.
“No Father, because as the ball fell it struck a tree trunk, before bouncing through some undergrowth. It then bounced off a big rock, and rolled right through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole.”

“You missed the fu**king putt, didn’t you?” said Fr. Delaney, shaking his head.


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