Irelands Economic Difficulties – A Guaranteed Simple Solution


As people in Tipperary are by now aware, is always on hand to help out in any emergency. For many months now we have waited for our Government Ministers at Cabinet to seek our help regarding this countries severe economic difficulties. But I suppose to be fair their time has been taken up with the Lisbon Treaty, Local and European Elections, election of local Town Mayors, not to mention those Green Party types in coalition etc,etc. We in Thurles are a forgiving race and fully understand their inactivity,dare I say slowness,  in contacting us regarding a solution to this country’s economic difficulties and excuse them fully on the grounds of severe time constraints.

This put aside, and to show there is absolutely no ill-feeling, I now dare to provide our over worked politicians with our simple solution to these economic problems, which when implemented, will immediately put Ireland and all EU states on a more sound/secure footing, for at least another ten years.

Now please follow carefully what future history books will refer too as the “Thurles Accord”.

The Thurles Accord:  (Better known as “A Plan To Wrestle The Irish Economy From The Tight Fists of Bankers, Property Speculators and Other Cute Hoers”.)

  1. Immediately cancel the gift of seven billion euros of tax payers money to Anglo Irish Bank who will only, no doubt, squander same on unearned bonuses, as done in previous years.
  2. There are about 1 million people employed, aged between 45 and 50 years of age, currently at work in this State. Pay each of them 7 million Euro of this money as severance pay, to take compulsory early retirement without pensions and medical cards for the over 70’s, with the following proviso. Upon receiving their seven million euros, each retired person is legally bound to comply with the following rules:-
  • They MUST fully retire (No nixers or part-time occupations). Their departure from the work place will now create 1,000,000 new job openings and promotions. Unemployment problems will be wiped out over night.
  • With this pay-off they MUST buy one house. This will generate further job creation within our State and solve all problems within the Building & Construction Industry.
  • They MUST send their all their children to college/university, for further education. Drug and other related crime will now be halved. The market place will be over populated with Medical Consultants and Lawyers, who will in turn buy BMW‘s and begin working for the HSE and the Court system, accepting more realistic fees in order to earn the right to work.
  • They MUST buy at least one new car. One million cars will now go into immediate production. Current problems within the Irish Automobile sector and the European Car manufacturing industry will be solved over night.
  • They MUST buy alcohol/tobacco to the value of €100 each week. Revenue generated will ensure the Government will now get their seven billion euros back through various duty/tax etc and life expectancy will be reduced bringing down the cost to the State of contributory old age pensions.
  • TD’s  and Senators should (to be fair and show full respect due to those who have given their lives in the service of our country) be given first priority when implementing any such severance package.

Note: I herewith renounce all /any rights to claim any consultancy fee’s in respect of the adoption of this very simple solution by the Government , to our current problem.

Should the  Government find they still have a small shortfall and more finance is needed, simply request that all Ministers, TD’s and Senators immediately pay back all immorally claimed allowances and expenses obtained no doubt through error.


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