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Dance Classes Begin In Thurles.

DANCE-CLASSES-2015A six week’s course in social dancing will commence in The Premier Ballroom, Thurles, Co. Tipperary on Tuesday 27th of January 2015 at 8.20pm sharp; ending at 10.00pm.

These classes are suitable for anyone over the age of 18 years, who may wish to learn the very basic steps of social dancing, (i.e. waltz, foxtrot, novelty dances and quickstep.).

The classes are ideally suited to the requirements of newly engaged couples, bridesmaids and grooms-men etc, who may be somewhat fearful of participating in that first ‘Wedding Dance,’ on some eagerly awaited sunny Saturday afternoon scheduled for the coming year, or indeed it may be for some other future public occasion or just for basic good old enjoyment.

(Click on Image left for greater magnification of poster.)

Of course it goes without saying that dancing, apart from the obviously enjoyment and the making of new friends; socially it is one of the best forms of physical exercise.

The total cost inclusive, of this enjoyable six weeks course is an inclusive €20, which covers, in full, all costs associated with this overall course.

This event is, as usual, being organised and subsidised by the very generous and professionalThurles Club for Dancing,’ who have been successfully now operating these classes for the last 20 year.

Want further information? Why not contact Tom Gleeson on Telephone 087-9732837.

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Real Life and Death Situation In Thurles Area

Tipperary Drama Festival, Holycross, Thurles, Co Tipperary.It was Saturday morning and the old, hand-wound, alarm clock had burst into life on the dot of 7.30am, as indeed it had done for over the last 20 years, rudely awakening with its racket the seventy one year old Parish priest, Fr Tommy Ryan.

The clocks tinny clamour had suddenly returned this failing old priest from his dream-time, back into the world of reality and just as he was about to reel-in one of the biggest trout ever caught in the river Suir.

Now fully wide awake and conscious of the fact that he had a morning funeral and an afternoon wedding; both to preside over, he quickly rose from his warm single creaky divan. Through the drawn thin curtains of his east facing bedroom window, he became aware that God had bestowed on his tiny parish, yet another fine bright spring morning.

Feet on floor, he stretching himself and shuffled to the window to open it; fully intent on inhaling a few deep breaths of God’s abundant and richly oxygenated country air.

On pulling back the curtains however he became almost immediately aware of the body of a dead donkey. Same was lying on its back motionless in the middle of his front lawn, feet pointed almost skyward. He focused his dimming eyes on the scene for several moments to determine if there was any physical movement from the animal and seeing no movement he quickly turned and dressed himself, before heading downstairs to the telephone in the hallway. Picking up the receiver he promptly began to dial the telephone number which would connect him to his local rural police station.

On duty at the local police barracks was a tired Sergeant Timmy Tynan. He had just released, with a severe behaviour warning, a detained drunk from the barrack cell without charge. He knew his own personal warning to this offender as to his constant late night alcohol abuse would probably, as in the past, fall on deaf ears, but he also knew that this abuser, on being reunited with his wife, would receive a far harsher punishment than any court in the land could legally administer.

He was about to lock up his small rural barracks, having completed an otherwise uneventful night shift, when the phone rang and according to reliable local reports, the ensuing telephone conversation between both these men, went something like this:-

“Good morning Sir. This is Sergeant Tynan here. How might I be able help you?”

“Ah and the top of the morning tar yerself Sergeant,” said the priest.  “Tis Father Ryan here from the presbytery beside St. Mary’s Church. There’s a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and I’m wondering would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads over to take care of the matter, before Johnny Murphy’s funeral comes in past, at 10.00 o’clock this morning?”

The 7ft-4inch weary Kerry born Sergeant, well known and respected locally, mainly because of his quick wit which often bordered on raw sarcasm, decided, that he would try to avoid, if possible, the good Father Ryan.

“Well now Father Ryan”, said the Sergeant, “t’was always my understandin that you people up in that Presbytery is totally responsible for takin care of the last rites yourselves!”

There was deafening silence on the phone line for a moment, before Father Ryan was overheard to reply: “Aye,’ tis certainly true Sergeant; but we in the presbytery are also always obliged to notify any known next of kin first, which is the very reason for me callin ye.”

No one knows who took eventual responsibility, but the dead donkey was gone well before the body of the late Johnny Murphy arrived to St Mary’s Church, to enter for the very last time.

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Former Thurles Resident Guilty Of Welfare Fraud.

Social-ProtectionMr David Church, a married father-of-four, who used false identifications to fraudulently claim almost half a million Euro (€478.000) in social welfare payments over the past 12 years, has received a 5 year prison sentence at the Dublin Circuit Criminal Court today.

Mr Church, with an address at Parnell Street, Dublin 1, who formerly resided at Monadreen, Thurles, Co Tipperary, had faced 199 charges of unlawfully claiming Jobseekers’ Allowance and Rent Allowance from various post offices in the Dublin area, between September 2002 and July 2013.

Mr Church had admitted acquired unlawfully €478,052 from the State, which Judge Martin Nolan confirmed as averaging some €40,000 a year over the period for which his offences took place. The court heard that Mr Church had drunk or gambled most of the money and had no substantial wealth accumulated, when first arrested in July 2013.

The fraudulent offences came to light following the Department of Social Protection’s use of facial recognition software, which had established that the same photo was being used on six other social welfare identities. Investigating Detective Garda Colin Rochford stated that Mr Church had created these false identities by travelling to a Manchester Records Office to obtain birth certificates and for which he had paid £10 in each case.

This facial recognition software had identified four people as having the same photograph, while using the names of Adam Cole, Paul Anthony O’Brien, Derek O’Brien and Darren O’Brien, who were all claiming Social Welfare payments from at least two Dublin post office outlets.

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Google, HSE & PayPal Could Move Offices To Thurles

Dail Bar:

Dáil Bar – any day at lunch time.

Exciting news today, with the as yet unconfirmed reports that Google, HSE and PayPal offices could be on the move out of Dublin, “lock, stock and laptop,” to provide jobs here in Thurles, Co Tipperary.

The rumour is supported by reports that Dublin Authorities have now advertised for a specialist company which will hopefully rid them of a colony of seagulls circling high rise buildings in the capital, mistaking the latter as erosion landforms or vertical cliffs.

To prevent this possible stampede of recent new Dublin jobs to rural Thurles, this same Dublin Authority are now seeking, quote; “a professional pest control company to provide a suitable deterrent system, or process, to eliminate the presence of birds and seagulls.”

“The seagulls here in Dublin have lost the run of themselves” said one Dáil Éireann TD. “Dive Bombing Seagulls drive at us through the open windows of the Dáil Bar at lunch time, like ancient Pterosaurs, he continued. (Latter ‘Pterosaurs’ is a type of flying reptile from the late Triassic and Cretaceous Period, living some 228 to 66 million years prior to the birth of EU commissioner Phil Hogan).

They snatch from our hands Gourmet Burgers, Decadence D’Or Cupcakes and in the ensuing turmoil of fighting them off, overturn large glasses filled with Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru and Cote de Nuits, latter to be soaked up in expensive chair and floor coverings,” said another disgusted female visiting Senator.

The hallowed corridors of our parliament building were awash yesterday, with rumours that a bag of traditional hard boiled sweets (large ‘Black & White Mint Humbugs,’ I understand), latter purchased from the cut price Dáil Tuck-Shop for use in the Dáil Chamber, had been snatched by one of these same vicious winged marauders.

The TD and Senator referred too, who both wish to remain anonymous, have now called for the Environment Minister and Tipperary native, Mr Alan Kelly to take immediate remedial action.

The raucous and anti-social behaviour caused by these seagulls may also give us a clue as to why our Irish elected representatives made such a ‘hames’ of certain policy decisions, over the past four or five years. It is not widely known, but it would appear that these noisy seagulls are keeping our politicians, senior civil servants and their vast array of consultants awake at night; latter all attempting to slumber in these same high-rise Dublin cliff-like apartments.

Is it any wonder therefore that what should have been a relatively easy solution to many of our countries problems, (e.g. the nation’s crippling bank bailout, –  the granting to Irish Water of over €424.5 million to install water metres instead of plugging leaks – and of course the latest refusal by Fine Gael and Labour TD’s to “rock off ” on the Vincent Brown / TV3 proposed late night ‘people debates’ programmes) are now observed by the Irish electorate as being unmitigated full-blown national catastrophes.

The good news for Thurles however could be that senior management and staff at the offices of Google, HSE and PayPal have all had their fill of these seagulls and are now looking for ‘gull free territory’.  If truth be known they are sick to death of these swooping cheeky birds, squawking from their nests at ‘cock crow’ every morning, from the elevation of these new man-made cliffs.

Management and staff are rightly afraid of these birds, who in scenes reminiscent of the Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds,”  attack their young children; dispossessing them of their lollipops and gourmet French Fries (‘Chips’ to rural dwellers), not to mention the continuous squirting of eliminated liquids and solids, falling while in flight from their digestive tracts, via their ani, before landing to splatter on new shiny metallic Mercedes-Benz auto-mobiles, during a time of great urban water shortages.

Result for Thurles however would be a massive reduction in current unemployment for the first time in over 25 years and all thanks to good old Mother Nature and Dublin’s sardine famished seagull population.

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Public Encouraged To Attend Thurles Community Policing Seminar

GardaA Tipperary Division Community Policing Seminar is scheduled to take place in St Patrick’s College, Cathedral Street, Thurles, Co Tipperary, this evening (Thursday 15th) at 7.00pm.

Chief Superintendent Mrs Catherine Kehoe believes that it is vital that An Garda Siochana, here in County Tipperary continues to maintain the strong trust and long standing support from all members of our community in which her officers serve.

Through this Seminar it is hoped to provide, you the public, with an opportunity to meet with your local Community Gardaí and gain further insight into the work performed by An Garda Siochána as a whole, everyday here in the Tipperary Garda Division.

In attendance at this Seminar will be senior Garda Officers, together with community police officers from across the five Garda divisions and to this end members of the public are being strongly encouraged to attend.

Your attendance at this event as a member of the public will also assist you in obtaining up to date information, latest initiatives and other various community schemes now in operation, which are aimed at tackling urban and rural crime, including community text alert schemes already in operation.

Remember the expression “better to light a candle than curse the darkness,” so please do show your support for this most welcome of Community Garda initiatives.

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