A ‘Fable’, as every parent is aware, is a short story which helps illustrate particular morals to younger children. These stories, tales or parables are often humorous and entertaining for children of all ages, but also bear a strong message in their simple narrative.
The unpublished ‘Fable’ recently unearthed in Co. Tipperary
Dáil Éireann any given Friday.
“The weathermen at Dáil Éireann had assured our five elected Tipperary politicians that there was no chance of any rain falling over the coming weekend. So Matt, Al, Mick, Sham & Jacksie decided to take a well earned break, at the tax payers expense. They were to stay secretly at the €52.2 million Irish government purchased & refurbished, 78 acre, Irish State guest house, situated at Farmleigh, near Castleknock, Co Dublin.,
Although vulture fund free, it had been rumoured that the Anti-Austerity Alliance (AAA or Triple A) could quickly hand over this building to Dublin’s homeless, should they get their way, so this once in a lifetime weekend away opportunity was not to be missed.
Working their 3 day Dáil week, with no large funeral attendances expected in Co. Tipperary, which they needed to be spotted at; their intention was to go fly fishing on the estates boat lake, from Friday evening to Monday evening inclusive.
While checking their suit cases into the Steward’s Lodge, located in the grounds of Farmleigh, they met the chief gardener with his donkey. Upon seeing the Tipperary elected reps, the gardener, with bowed head and cap in hand, warned, “Distinguished Gentlemen, you should return to the guest house at once, for in just a short time I expect a huge deluge of rain to fall, mainly in this area”.
The politicians immediately shook hands with the simple gardener, but having considered his advice replied, “We hold the Dáil Éireann meteorologist service in high regard. Basically, unlike ourselves, they are extensively educated and an experienced group of true professionals. Besides, we pay them very high wages, and therefore it is only right that we place our trust in them and continue on to our fishing location”.
Ignoring the gardener, the politicians continued on their way, but alas sure enough within a short time later, torrential rain fell from the heavens, soaking our five elected representatives to the skin. Furious, the Tipp politicians returned to Dáil Éireann the following Tuesday morning and following a full independent enquiry, by the head of RTE, they ruled that all professional weathermen in the Lower House and principal chamber of the the Oireachtas (The Irish Legislature) be immediately fired with full pension entitlements.
Then they summoned the Farmleigh gardener and offered him the prestigious and high paying post of ‘Dáil Éireann Forecaster’. The simple gardener said “Sirs, you who wield such magnificent power over our country, I do not know anything about weather forecasting. I simply obtain my information from my dumb old donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that torrential rain will fall within the hour”.
So following the passing of a Clerical Officer Public Jobs assessment by the gardener and his donkey, the Tipperary politicians went on to hire both, on high pensionable wages.
So thus began the continuing practice of hiring unsackable ‘Dumb Asses and Consultants’ to work in Dáil Éireann; and the further practise of paying outrageous salaries to those who occupy the highest and most influential positions in that esteemed pile of stones which houses our countries elected reps.”
Hopefully this practice will continue to remain unbroken well into our countries immediate future.
One wonders if so called authorities in Brussels are fully aware that Ireland was financially destitute in recent years; having paid 42% of the total cost of the European banking crisis, at a cost of close to €9,000 per person, according to Eurostat.
My reasons for making this statement is because I read today that Europe’s environmental watchdogs are possibly taking Ireland to court over the pumping of raw sewage into rivers and the sea. Yes we are guilty, purely because we as a nation were forced to accept an €85 billion bailout from the EU/IMF/ECB troika in late 2010 to allow us regain access to financial markets, fix our broken banks and return to sustainable growth. This achieved by over burdened resident tax payers, now it is estimated that all sewage treatment plants delayed will in fact be upgraded in the next 4 years, by 2021, at a cost of some €1.25bn.
EU Inspectors claim that 38 towns and cities have inadequate treatment plants for waste water, and are putting human health at risk, while leaving the country potentially remaining liable for millions of Euro in anti-pollution fines. The European Commission is expected to take the case to the European Court of Justice, after the Government failed to meet deadlines set for sewage plants to be built or upgraded by the end of 2000 and 2005.
In particular Inspectors have identified inadequate sewage treatment plants found not suitable for the populations of Nenagh, Thurles, and Roscrea in Co. Tipperary; together with treatment plants in the popular tourist centres of Killarney and Tralee in Co. Kerry.
In Donegal, Gaoth Dobhair, Killybegs and the Ballybofey/Stranorlar areas same have been similarly identified, while Cavan; Clifden; Roscommon town; Shannon town; Tubbercurry in Co Sligo and Waterford city are also included.
Authorities in Brussels however claim that Ireland had until the end of 2000 to ensure all urban areas, with more than 15,000 residents, should have had adequate sewerage systems by the end of 2005, thus removing the risk of human defecation being discharged from medium-sized towns into our rivers, lakes and estuaries.
Now with the added danger of the United Kingdom’s withdrawal from the European Union. (Widely known as Brexit, a portmanteau of “British” and “exit”), should Ireland be telling Europe’s environmental watchdogs to simply wait or more directly to piss-off?
Thurles, Your Looking Good.
Pursuant to requirements regarding the refurbishment of Liberty Square, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, notice is hereby given by Tipperary County Council of their intended proposals to carry out refurbishment of Liberty Square, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, (which is an Architectural Conservation Area) and the development of a Car Park off Liberty Square, in the town.
Liberty Square, Thurles. (Top of picture facing in an easterly direction).
Plans and particulars of this proposed development will be made available from the offices of the Templemore / Thurles Municipal District Offices, (Castle Avenue, Thurles, Co. Tipperary) and from Thurles Library, (Source Arts Centre, Cathedral Street, Thurles, Co. Tipperary) for inspection and indeed purchase, (latter can be copied at a fee not exceeding the reasonable cost of making such a copy) during normal office hours from 9.30am to 4.30pm Monday through to Friday, for the period from Thursday next (16th.February, 2017) to Friday (31st. March, 2017), excluding Public Holidays.
Private submissions or Observations with respect to these same new proposed developments, dealing with the proper planning and sustainable development of this area in which the proposed development would be situated, may be made in writing to M/s Deirdre O’Shea (Acting District Administrator), C/O Tipperary County Council, Templemore / Thurles Municipal District, Castle Avenue, Thurles, Co. Tipperary; to be received no later than 4.30pm on the 14th.April, 2017.
A total of fifty trainee Gardaí from the Garda Training College, Templemore, Thurles assisted as part of Operation Thor’s ‘Project Storm’, in which Gardaí arrested 48 people and carried out 21 planned searches in the Carlow area over the past three days.
Of those arrested, 24 were detained under Section 4 of the Criminal Justice Act, 1984 as part of ongoing investigations into thefts, assaults, fraud and burglary in Tipperary, Carlow, Kilkenny, Cork and Waterford, as well as drug related matters.
A further five persons were arrested for the purpose of charge and will appear before future sittings of Carlow District Court. Nineteen of those arrested were held on foot of existing warrants.
A total of 42 checkpoints were also manned at locations across the District during this operation and two vehicles were seized under Road Traffic Acts. Crime Prevention Leaflets were distributed at checkpoints and Community Engagement Centres were also set up at various locations.
Two Tipperary clergy decided to visit the Canary Islands and targeted the easternmost Spanish island of Lanzarote as their ultimate destination, during a proposed upcoming and well deserved summer vacation.
Remembering past vacations, where they had accidentally bumped into drunken members of their respective parishes from back home; this year they had decided to not wear any item of clothing that could identify them, firstly as priests and secondly as natives of Tipperary. With parish church attendance numbers down greatly, they were determined to have no embarrassing encounters which could lead to their parishioners being ashamed to attend any future church services on arrival back home. (e.g. reminiscences of the local newly married Ryan couple back in 1999, whom both men had unexpectedly encountered ‘honeymooning prematurely’ on the floor of the hotel lift, still sent chills down both men’s spines. This Ryan couple despite increasing their family size to 7 in just 5 years, had not seen sight nor sound of a sermon insides their local churches during that same 5 year period, despite having first make each others acquaintance at a Christian Solidarity gathering in Thurles, the year before their decision to marry.)
As soon as the jet plane had landed at Arrecife Airport; both devout priests headed for a clothing store to purchase some, shall we say, rather out of character trouser shorts, flowery shirts, open toed sandals and giant sunglasses.
The next morning, dressed in their ‘tourist clobber’ and carrying a couple of hotel deck chairs, they headed to the sandy beach to enjoy the local, over priced tipple and take in the glorious sunshine; to which, back home, they were unaccustomed. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a gorgeous blonde dressed in a topless bikini and wearing sun glasses, came walking in their direction. As she passed them, she smiled, nodded and greeted them both with the salutation, “Good Morning Fathers, enjoy the sun!” Both priests were stuck speechless; how in God’s name did she know they were members of the priesthood?
Next day, feeling their last mode of dress was perhaps somewhat outdated, they went back to the clothing store and purchased even more outrageous casual outfits; determined not to be identified again during their remaining 10 day stay. Now dressed in this new attire, they settled down again in their chairs, confident they could enjoy their well deserved holiday without fear of being further recognised, interrupted and even embarrassed.
A short time later the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different coloured topless bikini and sunglasses, came walking toward them. She again nodded at each of them reciting a similar salutation; ‘Reverend Fathers good morning! Has not the Almighty blessed us with lovely sunshine? Do be careful of not getting too sun burned on your second day”, she warned, before continuing to walk past.
Unable to stand it any longer, one of the priests called out after her, “Excuse me, young lady, I must know, how in God’s name did you recognise us as priests, particularly dressed as we are currently?”
Raising her sunglasses on her forehead, the woman replied, “Fathers, it’s me, Sister Kathleen from your local convent.”