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Danger – Tipperary Politicians Infected By ‘Delusion’

Seamus Healy TD (IND) Tipperary: (Feb 12th, 2015) “In 2013 while 202 new jobs were created 521 IDA jobs were lost in the county (Tipperary). In 2014 only 16 new jobs were provided in North Tipp and 48 in South Tipp. There were 62 job losses giving a net gain of just 2.
Some 78% of all IDA Jobs were provided in Dublin, Cork, and Limerick.
There is no mention of any town in Tipperary or the building of advance factories or office facilities on any of the sites that are available throughout the county, in Tipperary town, Archerstown in Thurles, Lisboney in Nenagh, Benamore at Roscrea, Clonmel, Cashel or Carrick-on-Suir. It is quite obvious that there is no commitment to job creation for County Tipperary through IDA companies into the future.”

Noel Coonan TD (FG) Tipperary: (March 2nd, 2015) “I have contacted the IDA to outline that FDI (Foreign Direct Investment) must be directed to Tipperary.”

Minister Alan Kelly TD (LAB) Tipperary: (March 5th, 2015) “Tipperary Live Register dropped 9.5% in the past year. Thurles Live Register dropped 10.9%.”

Junior Agri Minister Tom Hayes TD  (FG) Tipperary: (March 6th, 2015) “Social Welfare offices recorded a decrease in those signing on last month. This is a sign of a return to job creation.”

DelusionSerious mental illness called a “psychosis” in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined.

Delusion can be observed most frequently amongst the ranks of Tipperary politicians, often occurring in a year immediately prior to a General Election. The identified dangers with regard to this mental illness is that it can be spread quickly; contaminating large sections of the normal public known as “The Electorate,” via the use of Facebook and Twitter. This same unsuspecting infected electorate may now without much thought, automatically and without deliberation, rush out on Election Day and re-elect these very same deluded politicians.

Politicians suffering from delusion believe that whoever opposes them is their mortal enemy.  Their immediate defence is to become paranoiac and pay little or no attention to the opinions of normal hard-working individuals. These politicians, in the main and by their very nature, are often greedy, hypocritical and display symptoms akin to macho posturing, often failing to observe these latter frowned upon traits within themselves; instead choosing to blame others for the havoc they themselves have successfully fuelled during their previous political careers.

One of the early symptoms of ‘Delusion’ can be quickly identified in most politicians.  Most, if not all will be seen to make attractive promises prior to General Elections and then completely fail to implement them, often even denying that these promises were ever made in the first place, especially having achieved election success.


Understanding the ‘mindset’ of a ‘Delusional Politician’.

Seriously folks, take a look at the unemployment figures for Thurles only, shown above, all supplied courtesy of the Central Statistics Office, (CSO). Before you fully examine these above stated, true, unemployment statistics, refresh your memories as to when current reigning Tipperary TD’s first assumed office.

Our story begins with the Irish General Election which took place on Friday, February 25th, 2011. Its objective; to elect 166 Teachtaí Dála (TD’s) across 43 constituencies to Dáil Éireann, latter the lower house of Ireland’s parliament, also known as “The Oireachtas”. The previous Dáil had been dissolved and the 2011 General Election had been called by then President Mrs Mary McAleese on February 1st, at the request of outgoing Taoiseach Mr Brian Cowen.  The members of the 31st Dáil chosen by the electorate met on March 9th, 2011 to nominate their Taoiseach Mr Enda Kenny and ratify the Ministers regarded as suitable to let out on their own.

In 2011 unemployment at the end of March 2011, for both North Tipperary (7,466 Unemployed) and South Tipperary (9,320 Unemployed) stood at 16,786 persons, representing all ages and both sexes. During the months June, July and August of 2012, 2013 and 2014 unemployment numbers greatly increased as newly qualified third level students, their education paid for by Irish taxpayers in most cases, entered the work place for the first time, e.g. in the case of Thurles, expanding unemployment figures by some 2-4 hundred individuals each Summer.

As at February 28th, 2015 unemployment here in Co Tipperary, (again according to CSO figures), stood at 14,176 persons, representing all ages and both sexes, e.g. North Tipperary (6,312) and South Tipperary (7,864) representing a drop of 2,808 persons county wide over the previous four year period.

To understand the mindset of Tipperary’s ‘Delusional Politicians,’ all anxious to gain re-election, you must first believe the following:-
(1) No one single unemployed person ever emigrated from Co. Tipperary or that no one single person died over this four year period.
(2) No one single unemployed person entering the workforce ending up on ‘Jobbridge‘ or took unpaid employment on any form of available Internships, thus avoiding inclusion on the Live Register of Unemployed Persons.
(3) You must also believe that Tipperary reigning Government TD’s, e.g. Noel Coonan TD (FG), Alan Kelly TD (Minister of State, LAB) and Tom Hayes TD (Junior Minister, FG) publicly announced 936 jobs each for the county in the past 4 years.
(4) You must not accept that 3.31 people in every 1000 people emigrated from Ireland in 2014.  (The population of Ireland in 2014 was approx. 4.788,202 and when calculations are done this indicates that nearly 15,850 people left this country mostly from rural areas in just one year.) If  University College Cork is to be believed, some 165,300 Irish people, latter made up of employed, unemployed and part time employed persons, have emigrated from Ireland over the last four to five years, thus clarifying these calculations.

Of course if you can fully accept this aforementioned fiction, chances are that you, over the past four years have also become infected by ‘Political Delusion’ yourself, thus requiring an urgent visit to your doctor /psychiatrist.

Back in 2013, Tipperary had a Commercial Property Vacancy Rate of 11.1%, and by the end of last year this had risen to 11.9%. A new report out this week, as per the latest survey from Geo Directory, shows that over 11% of vacant commercial properties in Tipperary County still remain registered as empty.

Surely it is time for rural midland counties like Tipperary to stand up and be counted.

Labour Party Conference Weekend Away 2015

“Mr Waste lived across the street, right opposite the Slows,
And every weed that ever grew, in his front garden grows.
Bill Waste lost all his lesson books, Moll Waste on hers she scribbled,
And so between the pence and pounds away their money dribbled.
This story is a sad one; the end is as you fear.
Yes the Waste’s are in the Workhouse now, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear.”

Allan JoanWith a General Election due before April 2016, the Labour Party (Irish: Páirtí an Lucht Oibre) held their Party Conference this weekend in the INEC Convention Centre in Killarney, Kerry.

Tánaiste Joan Burton of course was in attendance, as indeed was the self confessed Pretender to her leadership, Mr Alan Kelly, latter honoured to have been given a mandate to serve the people of Tipperary.
(Of course one wonders will there be anything left for him to lead after the next election, as Joan slips away, with her pension, into obscurity.) But then as my granny used to say, “Try not to mock the afflicted.”

In her speech the Tánaiste had no new real announcements stored up to report to the ‘great unwashed’.  She did vow to bring full employment back to Ireland in three years.  “Everyone who wants a job will have one or at least the opportunity to get one, by 2018,” she unconvincingly rattled without stating any proven methodology.

As expected Joan did launch an attack on mischievous militant elements evident during various demonstrations, accusing them of hijacking and bullying at peaceful protests. Nothing like the belt of a burst water balloon upsetting your hair style to implant forever, political memories, as any rowdy schoolboy will confirm.

Continue reading Labour Party Conference Weekend Away 2015

Political Announcements For Thurles & Tipperary

Dail Bar:

Tuesday to Thursday in Dáil Bar

History was made here in Co Tipperary last Monday, when over 30% of senior Rialtas na hÉireann (Government Cabinet Ministers) like refugees, converged temporarily on North Tipperary, begged the question for many; “Who the hell was minding the shop in Dublin?”

Visiting Tipperary on Monday last were An Taoiseach Mr Enda Kenny, An Tánaiste M/s Joan Burton, the Minister for Justice M/s Frances Fitzgerald, the Minister for the Environment, Community and Local Government Mr Alan Kelly (Latter who according to a picture in today’s Tipperary Star newspaper, looks like he has managed to turn water into milk), the Minister for Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Mr Richard Bruton, Junior Minister for State for Agriculture, Food and the Marine Mr Tom Hayes and finally the Minister for Agriculture Mr Simon Coveney. All were accompanied by various back bencher’s; latter individuals recently described by Ryanair’s CEO Michael O’Leary as those “who know nothing about nothing anyway,’ but nevertheless all anxious to have their images captured for posterity at various photographic locations in the county.

Visiting here in Thurles, An Taoiseach Mr Enda Kenny and back bencher and leading anti ISIS campaigner Mr Noel Coonan, both refused to be drawn on rumours that Google, HSE and PayPal will move their offices to Thurles in the near future. Same move as you, our readers, are aware is expected shortly due to Dublin’s unprecedented influx of noisy dive bombing seagulls intent on seizing the ‘Foie Gras’ lunches of TD’s and office workers both in the Dáil Bar and in surrounding Dublin parkland areas.

Disturbance during An Taoiseach’s visit in Thurles

During An Taoiseach’s visit a small incident / disturbance did take place, which alerted immediately the extra detailed security surrounding Mr Kenny’s person, causing them to panic slightly.  The incident happened close to the new construction site of the multi-story high-rise office block, next door to the town’s local Convent School; the former under present construction, in anticipation of Google’s expected move to Thurles.

Thurles.Info has learned that an elderly nun who resides in a convent next to this Thurles construction site had previously overheard rather coarse language emanating from staff employed by the Dublin tree landscaping firm of “Root In The Hole Ltd.” Having reflected on these foul, bawdy, verbal torrents from this workforce, the nun, named locally as Sister Deloris Carmen, had decided to spend some time with this workforce, in an honest attempt to redress their continuous verbal outpourings of vulgarity, not to mention the constant wolf whistling directed at Leaving Cert female students attending all educational establishments in the town.

From as yet unconfirmed reports, we learn that following much reflection and during An Taoiseach’s visit, Sister Deloris had decided to take her own lunch and sit with these foul mouthed ‘blaggard employees’ during their lunch break. To this end, Sister Deloris, armed with a brown bag containing egg and watercress sandwiches, had jumped the convent wall which dividing both properties and walking up to the group with a big smile, asking the question; “Do you men know Jesus Christ?”.

The lunching employees had all shook their heads and looked blank faced at each other. One of the workers however, anxious to assist Sister Deloris, had looked up at grafting, sweating steelworkers overhead and yelled “Anyone of you feckers up there know Jesus Christ?”  One steelworker had yelled down asking “Why”?  To which the helpful employee of “Root In The Hole Ltd.” was heard to yell back; “Tell him his fecking wife is here with his lunch.”

Other than this small embarrassing encounter, thank God everything else appears to have run according to plan for An Taoiseach’s secret Thurles visit.

An Taoiseach, did apologise for failing to bring any welcome news to forgotten Tipperary and Thurles, despite promises made on his last visit, almost three years ago.

However he did hint that his Government had agreed a new range of measures designed to reduce alcohol consumption. To this end the only workplace currently in Ireland, serving alcoholic beverage to its employees; latter employed on a three day part-time working week, (Namely Leinster House & the Dáil Bar), would now close as a further example to Irish youth, latter soon to be protected from the sales of low cost alcohol in Supermarkets and Off Licences. Indeed Mr Kenny was heard to quote from a recent statement made by the Youth Wing of his partners in government, the Irish Labour Party, stating; “This opportunity should not be lost to send out a strong, uplifting message about empowering young people in our democracy.”

Then the alarm clock on my bedside table went off.

Real Life and Death Situation In Thurles Area

Tipperary Drama Festival, Holycross, Thurles, Co Tipperary.It was Saturday morning and the old, hand-wound, alarm clock had burst into life on the dot of 7.30am, as indeed it had done for over the last 20 years, rudely awakening with its racket the seventy one year old Parish priest, Fr Tommy Ryan.

The clocks tinny clamour had suddenly returned this failing old priest from his dream-time, back into the world of reality and just as he was about to reel-in one of the biggest trout ever caught in the river Suir.

Now fully wide awake and conscious of the fact that he had a morning funeral and an afternoon wedding; both to preside over, he quickly rose from his warm single creaky divan. Through the drawn thin curtains of his east facing bedroom window, he became aware that God had bestowed on his tiny parish, yet another fine bright spring morning.

Feet on floor, he stretching himself and shuffled to the window to open it; fully intent on inhaling a few deep breaths of God’s abundant and richly oxygenated country air.

On pulling back the curtains however he became almost immediately aware of the body of a dead donkey. Same was lying on its back motionless in the middle of his front lawn, feet pointed almost skyward. He focused his dimming eyes on the scene for several moments to determine if there was any physical movement from the animal and seeing no movement he quickly turned and dressed himself, before heading downstairs to the telephone in the hallway. Picking up the receiver he promptly began to dial the telephone number which would connect him to his local rural police station.

On duty at the local police barracks was a tired Sergeant Timmy Tynan. He had just released, with a severe behaviour warning, a detained drunk from the barrack cell without charge. He knew his own personal warning to this offender as to his constant late night alcohol abuse would probably, as in the past, fall on deaf ears, but he also knew that this abuser, on being reunited with his wife, would receive a far harsher punishment than any court in the land could legally administer.

He was about to lock up his small rural barracks, having completed an otherwise uneventful night shift, when the phone rang and according to reliable local reports, the ensuing telephone conversation between both these men, went something like this:-

“Good morning Sir. This is Sergeant Tynan here. How might I be able help you?”

“Ah and the top of the morning tar yerself Sergeant,” said the priest.  “Tis Father Ryan here from the presbytery beside St. Mary’s Church. There’s a donkey lying dead in me front lawn and I’m wondering would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads over to take care of the matter, before Johnny Murphy’s funeral comes in past, at 10.00 o’clock this morning?”

The 7ft-4inch weary Kerry born Sergeant, well known and respected locally, mainly because of his quick wit which often bordered on raw sarcasm, decided, that he would try to avoid, if possible, the good Father Ryan.

“Well now Father Ryan”, said the Sergeant, “t’was always my understandin that you people up in that Presbytery is totally responsible for takin care of the last rites yourselves!”

There was deafening silence on the phone line for a moment, before Father Ryan was overheard to reply: “Aye,’ tis certainly true Sergeant; but we in the presbytery are also always obliged to notify any known next of kin first, which is the very reason for me callin ye.”

No one knows who took eventual responsibility, but the dead donkey was gone well before the body of the late Johnny Murphy arrived to St Mary’s Church, to enter for the very last time.

Google, HSE & PayPal Could Move Offices To Thurles

Dail Bar:

Dáil Bar – any day at lunch time.

Exciting news today, with the as yet unconfirmed reports that Google, HSE and PayPal offices could be on the move out of Dublin, “lock, stock and laptop,” to provide jobs here in Thurles, Co Tipperary.

The rumour is supported by reports that Dublin Authorities have now advertised for a specialist company which will hopefully rid them of a colony of seagulls circling high rise buildings in the capital, mistaking the latter as erosion landforms or vertical cliffs.

To prevent this possible stampede of recent new Dublin jobs to rural Thurles, this same Dublin Authority are now seeking, quote; “a professional pest control company to provide a suitable deterrent system, or process, to eliminate the presence of birds and seagulls.”

“The seagulls here in Dublin have lost the run of themselves” said one Dáil Éireann TD. “Dive Bombing Seagulls drive at us through the open windows of the Dáil Bar at lunch time, like ancient Pterosaurs, he continued. (Latter ‘Pterosaurs’ is a type of flying reptile from the late Triassic and Cretaceous Period, living some 228 to 66 million years prior to the birth of EU commissioner Phil Hogan).

They snatch from our hands Gourmet Burgers, Decadence D’Or Cupcakes and in the ensuing turmoil of fighting them off, overturn large glasses filled with Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru and Cote de Nuits, latter to be soaked up in expensive chair and floor coverings,” said another disgusted female visiting Senator.

The hallowed corridors of our parliament building were awash yesterday, with rumours that a bag of traditional hard boiled sweets (large ‘Black & White Mint Humbugs,’ I understand), latter purchased from the cut price Dáil Tuck-Shop for use in the Dáil Chamber, had been snatched by one of these same vicious winged marauders.

The TD and Senator referred too, who both wish to remain anonymous, have now called for the Environment Minister and Tipperary native, Mr Alan Kelly to take immediate remedial action.

The raucous and anti-social behaviour caused by these seagulls may also give us a clue as to why our Irish elected representatives made such a ‘hames’ of certain policy decisions, over the past four or five years. It is not widely known, but it would appear that these noisy seagulls are keeping our politicians, senior civil servants and their vast array of consultants awake at night; latter all attempting to slumber in these same high-rise Dublin cliff-like apartments.

Is it any wonder therefore that what should have been a relatively easy solution to many of our countries problems, (e.g. the nation’s crippling bank bailout, –  the granting to Irish Water of over €424.5 million to install water metres instead of plugging leaks – and of course the latest refusal by Fine Gael and Labour TD’s to “rock off ” on the Vincent Brown / TV3 proposed late night ‘people debates’ programmes) are now observed by the Irish electorate as being unmitigated full-blown national catastrophes.

The good news for Thurles however could be that senior management and staff at the offices of Google, HSE and PayPal have all had their fill of these seagulls and are now looking for ‘gull free territory’.  If truth be known they are sick to death of these swooping cheeky birds, squawking from their nests at ‘cock crow’ every morning, from the elevation of these new man-made cliffs.

Management and staff are rightly afraid of these birds, who in scenes reminiscent of the Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds,”  attack their young children; dispossessing them of their lollipops and gourmet French Fries (‘Chips’ to rural dwellers), not to mention the continuous squirting of eliminated liquids and solids, falling while in flight from their digestive tracts, via their ani, before landing to splatter on new shiny metallic Mercedes-Benz auto-mobiles, during a time of great urban water shortages.

Result for Thurles however would be a massive reduction in current unemployment for the first time in over 25 years and all thanks to good old Mother Nature and Dublin’s sardine famished seagull population.

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