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Mikey Ryan Seeks New Job Opportunities

Arch Bar, Liberty Square, Thurles

“Any luck on the jobs front yet”, said I to Mikey Ryan last night. We were above in the Arch Bar in Liberty Square, Thurles, about to tackle into a Xmas pint and a whiskey chaser.

“Well, I suppose the true answer to your question is both ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to be honest”, replied Mikey.

“Well which is it, explain yourself more clearly”, says I.

“That short haired one, her that forever looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp, over in the Social Welfare office, accused me of; to use her own words, ‘failing to actively attempt to secure gainful employment’, before threatening to ‘remove my current benefits’.

So, what with Xmas on the doorstep and herself indoors making costly demands, I decided to call in to the local Sports Shop”, continued Mikey.

“Howya boss, lovely day”, said Mikey to the shop manager. “I’m wondering boss, would there be any chance of part time work going abegging during this festive season”.

“Listen here”, said the shop manager, “Don’t call me boss, in fact don’t call anyone boss. Instead go home and clean yourself up and then come back to me. May I suggest you shave; loose that paint splattered hoodie; the mud splattered runners and the grass stained shorts, and then and only then, subject to your ability to make sales, I might be able to assist”.

“So I goes home to undertake the obligatory three S’s”, said Mikey, “two of the latter being a ‘shower’ and a ‘shave’, and having donned the shirt, tie and suit, I arrives back to the shop”.

“Having conversed with herself and memorised the proper wording, necessary to impress a possible employer”, said Mikey, “I returned stating “Good afternoon sir, I was wondering would there be any employment vacancies in your shop, currently”.

The shop manager smiled, stating, “As it happens there are, but you look very familiar”.

“Why wouldn’t I”, said Mikey, “Sure wasn’t I in here looking for work only a couple of hours ago”.

“Oh, good God Almighty, yes, I remember you now”, said the shop manager, “You look better; well done. Why not start now today and let’s do a trial run. The next customer that comes in, I will serve them, you watch and I’ll show you how it’s done, then you can have a go and we’ll see how you get on.”

So, the first customer walks in, “Hi, I was looking for a quality tennis racket “, said the American.

The shop manager asked “Would that be for a grass court or a hard-court surface, Sir; you may not be aware, but there is a big difference in the type of racket you may require”.

The customer was impressed, “I didn’t know that!” he stated “It’s a Xmas present mostly for use by my daughter staying at my son’s town house, which has a grass court I believe”.

The shop manager points in the general direction of the required item now being sought, stating, “Ok then sir our grass court rackets are over there on that shelf, have a good look and make your choice”.

The customer having taken a decision, pays for it and thanking the shop manager, he exits the premises.

According to Mikey, the shop manager then looked at him stating, “Now you see how it’s done, here comes another customer, I’ll let you have a go”

” Good afternoon sir”, said Mikey, “How are you today, welcome to our shop and how can I be of service”.

A rather scruffy, muscular, sour faced, and heavily tattooed customer, with an obvious Dublin twang, eyed Mikey for a moment, before stating “How is it going, I am looking for a baseball bat”.

“No problem Sir”, said Mikey, “We have a large supply of bats. Would you be needing it for an upcoming funeral, a wedding perhaps, for drug-dealing protection or are you involved in some other related criminal activity?”.

“Now does that answer your question?” said Mikey, “Hired and fired I was within the space of 10 minutes.”

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Agri-Porn – Irish Farm Calendar Likely To Create Greenhouse Gasses

Now in its 11th year, the Irish Farmer’s Calendar has hit the Christmas Markets, showcasing twelve of Ireland’s most handsome hunks, each involved in farming; modelling in a variety of ‘cute’ poses, demonstrating in full their ‘original agricultural charms’.


These daring male models, all 100% quality approved pure Irish beef, traceable farm to fork; are proud natives of counties, Tipperary, Kilkenny, Carlow, Dublin, Limerick and Down.

The calendar; proceeds of which go to support Bóthar, was photographed at Corballis Farm, Donabate, Co. Dublin, The Hazel House Craft Café and Pet Farm, Tibradden, Rathfarmham Co. Dublin and Nore Valley Park Pet Farm in Co. Kilkenny.

Orders are already flooding in from Canada, USA, Japan, Russia, UK, Italy and France. Right now, for just €11.99 (plus postage) one of these calendars, featuring twelve shirtless, sensual and seductive photos of tanned men, each in their full glory, can be yours, delivered under plain wrapper.

Note Health & Safety Warning For Women: To avoid unnecessary accidents in the home, single women, who may be tempted into purchasing one of these calendars, are advised not to suspend same in close proximity to the Cooker or in the near vicinity of the Ironing Board. After all, lack of concentration can lead to scalds or dry burns to the skin’s surface.

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Horse & Jockey Singers Support Thurles Hospital

Horse and Jockey Singers support the Hospital of the Assumption Unit In Thurles.

The Horse and Jockey Singers annual variety concert is now a well-established event on the social and entertainment calendar here in Co. Tipperary.

Since its inception about five years ago, it has attracted a loyal band of regular supporters, who wouldn’t miss it for the world and many see it as the beginning of the festivities for the Christmas season.

Others point to the variety of entertainment that is regularly on offer, as audiences over the years continue to be enthralled by top class singers, dancers, choirs, soloists, musicians, not forgetting memorable recitations and sketches.

This variety concert has always supported charitable causes, both local and national, and this year will be no exception as the Comfort Fund at Unit C of the Community Hospital of the Assumption, will benefit from the proceeds.

Master Of Recitations Mr Noel Joyce

This year’s programme is as attractive and varied as ever.

  • The Doran family are back again on Saturday night, while the indomitable Jim O’ the Mill and family will entertain on Friday.
  • The singing of renowned soprano, Emma English, from Tipperary town will be a highlight of the evening.
  • Rathdowney’s Mick Creagh is new to the bill, but not to the stage as his one-man show has played to packed houses already this year.
  • Multi All-Ireland winner, Noel Joyce is back by popular acclaim and his recitations will, no doubt, have the audience in stitches.
  • The Presentation School dancers, recently returned from the stage at Nashville, the capital of the U.S. state of Tennessee, are eagerly anticipated as are the group of Harpers who have delighted us in the past.
  • New to the programme this year are Sonas from New Inn, the Ryan Girls, Cashel and the talented Cailínís.
  • The ever popular Derrynaflan Male Choir has been busy rehearsing for the show.

The Horse and Jockey Singers are grateful for the wonderful support they have enjoyed in the past and are really looking forward to meeting old and new friends at the concert.

The choir first came into existence in September 2014 and comprises both male and female members. The love of singing permeates the group and the social outlet it provides enhances all their lives. Based at the Horse and Jockey Hotel, this fifty strong group, under the musical direction of Mr Patrick Conlon and accompanied by Ms Ann Marie Dwan, have participated in many concerts and choral festivals.

These popular concerts will take place on Friday November 22nd and Saturday November 23rd, at the Derrynaflan Theatre, in the Horse & Jockey Hotel, with winning author Mr Liam Ó Donnchú once again taking on the role of ‘Master of Ceremonies’.

Starting time is 8.00 p.m. sharp and tickets costing €20.00 are available from the hotel reception or from Connie O’Keeffe Tel: 087-6667988.

Please do come along and support this most deserving of causes.

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Novelist & Playwright Cónal Creedon To Visit Cashel Library.

Ms Maura Barrett, [Branch Librarian (Cashel Library), Tipperary Co. Council Library Service], Reports: –

Mr Cónal Creedon, the noted Corkonian playwright, short story writer, novelist and documentary film maker (Yes, the brother of RTE’s John Creedon), will visit Cashel Library situated at Friar Street, Cashel, Co. Tipperary, on Saturday November 9th, 2019 at 2:00pm sharp.

Mr Creedon has an enormous capacity to entertain and make you laugh, while all of the while being insightful and observant. He is an established wordsmith, recognised not just in his native county of Cork, but also on national and international stages.

Mr Creedon will read from his latest novel ‘Begotten not made’, which he describes as a 21st Century Fairy Tale. This book weaves a very poignant story of a cleric’s unrequited love for a nun – although they only met once, in 1970, on the night that Dana won the Eurovision.

His prose is frequently hilarious and never, ever dull. “Cónal Creedon’s new novel puts a magic-realist twist on the tale of a cleric’s unrequited love for a nun”, writes one critic.

The author looks forward to taking questions from the audience and signing copies of his book on that afternoon. This is a unique opportunity to meet a truly noted Irish author up close and personal and be assured he promises not to disappoint.

The Perfect Chrismas present.

Make a note of the date and do go along to this event, with the knowledge that you can’t beat owning a book signed by the author – makes for a welcome Chrismas present.

Booking is essential for this FREE event, so do please telephone (062) 63825. You can find further information on Mr Creedon’s work on his website ConalCreedon.com.

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Camaraderie & Fun at Colaiste Mhuire Sci-Fi Musical

Mutual trust, friendship and fun gained from the Colaiste Mhuire Sci-Fi Musical.

Full report courtesy Thurles journalist Tom Ryan.

Impressed patrons were afforded a heartwarming and courteous honour guard by student greeters, in both English and ‘as Gaeilge’, as they wended their way through a spectacularly lighted entrance, at ‘The Dome’, latter beside Colaiste Mhuire, Co-Ed School, Thurles; for the famed academy’s ninth annual musical show, “The Little Shop of Horrors”, which played to packed houses and much applause, for three hugely entertaining nights, just last week.

As a delighted Mr Denis Quinn (Colaiste Mhuire Principal), informed audiences; “This richly entertaining show was the culmination of seven weeks of rehearsals by the 179 dedicated students involved both on and off stage”.

The sparkling production received numerous kudos from appreciative patrons, including hundreds of correctly proud parents, together with other relatives and friends of students, from various parts of the Thurles school catchment area.

Mr Quinn stated, “Each year the school musical provides our students with the opportunity to develop socially, personally and artistically by each year joining the cast of each of the chosen productions. It’s wonderful to see so many students treading the boards this year, many for the very first time”.

He added “This production is a dark sci-fi horror musical, same befitting this time of year, Hallowe’en, and it has plenty of electrifying pop and rock songs. I know you will leave the Dome with many fond memories. Even during rehearsals we had great fun and cameraderie anong ourselves”.

He went on to thank all who had contributed to the wonderful success of the show todate.

The main cast comprised of Mr Caylum Gooney (Seymour); Ms Rose Shanahan (Audrey); Mr John Shaw and Mr Cormac Leahy (Mr Mushnik); Mr Ethan Butler (Voice of Audrey [11] ); Mr Rian Power (Orin, The Dentist); Ms Kayleigh Cronin (Crystal); Ms Annie loughnane (Ronette); Ms Rebecca Elphick (Chiffon); Mr Keelan Fahey (Skip Snip); Ms Ellen Clarke (Puppeteer for Audrey [11]); Mr Denis Slattery (Voice of God Bernstein from NBC); Ms Eve Carroll (The Editor’s Wife) and Mr Ben Nolan (Dentist’s Patient).

Some of these talented young thespians have given previous excellent performances at Colaiste Mhuire during earlier productions and also to the Thurles Community Pantomime Society.

All portends well for the future of local musical societies and drama groups. The overall show was an enchanting two hours of fine acting, great comedy, splendid choreographed sequences and, above all, beautiful and enthusiastic singing from Principals, the Chorus and Pit Singers.

It was indeed just a joyful triumph; worthy of note by the accomplished Musical Director Ms Helen Wallace; Director Ms Shelley Martin, assisted by Ms Aoife Carey; and Choreographed by Ms Danielle Martin. The remainder of this truly experienced and accomplished production team, included, Ms Ann Conroy; TY Students (Backstage Manager and Props); Colaiste Staff (Backstage Supervision, Make-up and Hair); Mr Jack Spillane; Mr Michael Power; Mr James Ryan; Mr Jamie Fanning; Mr Kevin Gleeson (Set Construction); Star Systems and Colaiste students (Lighting and Sound); Set & Puppet Hire (Kilkenny Musical Society with extra puppets from Katie Carr).

How delightful were those spot-on timed puppets, which blended with their human fellow actors, to create such eye catching stage pictures and fun, in a show that will linger long in the hearts of all who were in attendance.

Mr Ethan Butler and Ms Ellen Clarke were our gracious MC’S, latter who welcomed us all to the theatre of enchantment with its imaginative and beautifully dressed and lit set, its lovely groupings and exciting dance routines; colourful props and surprising sound effects.

What a memorable experience of camaraderie all annual school musical offer to our young people. And it was nice to see Mr Quinn recommend “Sister Act”, latter being staged by the Ursuline Convent in tandem.

Others who played parts included Mr Bill O’Dwyer (Musical Secretary); Ms Patricia Hickey (Prompter); Ms Rose Shanahan; Mr John Shaw, Ms Ines Bafaluy (Dance Captains); Mr Dara Fahy and Ms Una Fogarty (Bookings); with Ms Deirdre Ryan and Mr Bill O ‘Dwyer (Programme).

The colourful costumes came courtesy of Mr & Mrs Brendan and Mary Healy, together with Ms Mairead Hayes of Thurles Community Pantomime Society and Stakelums Menswear, Friar Street, Thurles.

The Set Construction team comprised of Mr Ronan Carroll; Mr Eoin Craddock; Mr Darragh Kelly; Mr Stephen Doyle; Mr Killian Hayes; Mr James Gleeson; Mr James Casey; Mr Killian Crosse and Mr Sean Britton.

The Costumes team comprised of Mr Gavin Shanahan; Mr Stephen Maher; Mr Conor Duffe; Mr Adriana Ruiz and Ms Diana Perez.

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