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Mikey Ryan – The Dreamer

The Arch Bar, Liberty Square, Thurles, Co. Tipperary.

“You know sleep is a peculiar thing”, said Mikey Ryan. We were above in the Arch Bar, in Liberty Square last night, watching the rugby highlights on the television when he made the above pronouncement.

“You’re right there Mikey”, said I, “Sure, I once read somewhere that there are supposed to be five stages of sleep. The first four stages of sleep make up our non-rapid eye movement, and the fifth stage is when rapid eye movement actually occurs.”

“I can’t help you there”, said Mikey, “but my little woman has suddenly begun to cherish dairy products. She claims they are essential for healthy bones. So, last night I had to endure a feed of some rather blue, mouldy looking cheese, that she had purchased above in the Aldi Supermarket”.

“Begob, sure I know the stuff”, said I, “It’s lovely on hot buttered toast, last thing before you go to bed.”

“I hadn’t even made it to the bed last night”, said Mikey. “I was finishing off this stuff, washing it down with a can of ‘Red Bull’ while watching The Chase on the television, when I apparently dozed off. Then all of a sudden, I see the wife rubbing skin care cream; latter designed and guaranteed to make the wearer look 10 years younger, onto the face of my nine-year-old daughter. She slowly vanished and I woke in a sweat.”

“Gegob you need to be careful with that ‘Red Bull’, said I , “They say that Red Bull makes you fly”.

“True for you”, said Mikey “And fly I surely did. I must have dozed off again, for the next thing I remember there I was sitting on a Boeing 737. On board were five other passengers. There was the US President Donald Trump, Taoiseach Leo Varadakar, His Holiness Pope Francis, British Prime Minister Theresa May and my nine year old daughter. The aircraft pilot suddenly announces over the loud speaker that the plane was about to crash and regrets that there’s only five parachutes on board for six passengers”.

President Trump said “I need one, I’ve got to sort out building that Mexican wall”. He straps one on and jumps. Next, Prime Minister Theresa May says, “Talking of walls, I most definitely need one, as I’ve got to sort out this wretched ‘Brexit Hard Border’ crack”. She takes a parachute and jumps. Then Taoiseach Leo Varadakor says “I’m being the smartest man in Ireland am needed to sort out the long standing Irish financial crises back home”. So, he grabs a parachute and jumps. Next His Holiness Pope Francis smiling says to my daughter, “You and your father can have the last two parachutes my child, I’ve lived a long life and look forward to meeting my God”. My daughter says, “Sure there’s three parachutes left, the ‘Smartest Man in Ireland’ just donned my school bag”.

“I’d call that a nightmare Mikey“, said I, “But would you believe I have two good mates that are afraid to go to sleep at night. They have this recurring dream that they have found jobs and now have to go to work”.

“Give us something similar there Pakie, when you’re ready”, said I, “Remind me again, is it your round or mine Mikey”.

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