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Santa Claus Comin’ To Thurles Despite Potholes

“Thurles roads, take me home,
To the place I belong,
Tipperary, land of potholes, take me home.
Country roads”

(Apologies to the great late John Denver)

The windows of businesses premises in the town of Thurles are looking extremely inviting this festive season and it has also been confirmed, (so do please tell your kids); yes Santa Claus is comin’ to Thurles and the surrounding areas on Christmas Eve. This confirmation comes despite the failure of our local paid elected representatives to get the potholes in our streets, filled before Christmas.

Thurles you must understand is somewhat like Ahch-To Island, the birthplace of the Jedi Order, e.g. situated as we are at the edge of the map, lost in time in a galaxy far far away from Dublin and blanketed in large water-filled potholes.

Nevertheless,  Santa has stated that since he spends most of his time on the roofs of houses in order to climb down and up chimneys; deplorable road surfaces in the town of Thurles are not being seen by him as an immediate problem, during this Christmas period.

However, residents of the town, despite seething inside, continue to remain remarkably voiceless on the topic, fearing we understand that if Santa got to hear about this issue, he might fear for the health and safety of reindeer and bypass the Thurles area altogether.

The funny thing about potholes is that they rarely appear if you use a miracle product which was first used some 80 years ago. From memory I believe it was called cement; environmentally friendly; can be recycled and required no expensive adhesive petroleum products. You can even add a black colourant to make it look like tarmacadam.

Speaking Of Thurles Potholes.
A woman some years back went to her priest to confess, “Fr”, said she, “I’ve committed adultery”.  The priest forgives her; telling her not to let it happen again.

Within the next month, over 50 people had confessed claiming they had committed adultery. The priest decided that during his next sermon, he would make a statement on this issue. The next Sunday he declared the following:- “From now on, if anyone of you commits adultery, don’t tell me that you did. Instead, tell me something else, like ‘I tripped in a pothole’, for example”. So, from then on people began confessing to the priest that they had ‘tripped in a pothole’.

Years later the priest passed away as a consequence of old age. His replacement Curate knew nothing about the whole pothole issue.  Whenever people informed him that they had ‘tripped in a pothole’, he would offer sympathy with the warning, “You really need to watch your step in future.”

Eventually one day, the priest decided to take this issue of potholes up with the local Town Clerk. “Excuse me Sir,” said he one day, “I think you need to examine the issue of potholes and set about making the required repairs to our town’s roads, as many of my congregation regularly keep tripping up in them; almost on a daily basis.

“Oh that,” sniggered an all knowing Town Clerk, who continued to laugh, aware that the priest had no idea regarding the background to this whole pothole episode.
The priest now stared at him before replying angrily, “This is really no laughing matter, Sir. Your wife alone has tripped in some 5 or 6 potholes in just the last 7 days!”

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3 comments to Santa Claus Comin’ To Thurles Despite Potholes

  • Michael

    Very Funny,

  • Vincent Barber

    Another reason why we should be called the forgotten town. Sure what difference do the pot holes make when we have no sign of industry coming to the town or no plans to make any effort to attract commuters to the town. Ye know who ye are, keep it up ye are playing a blinder and drawing your salaries with nothing to show for it. Has this disease ever been named? There must be a word for it. Get your positions enjoy your fat salaries, sit on your fat ar..s, and keep out of sight. Have any of you got the guts to reply and defend my remarks?

  • George Willoughby

    None of them will ever reply or involve themselves in any worthwhile public debate. They would first have to admit that in real terms they no longer have any power, and must wait for the National Roads Authority to do required work. Over a period of 22 days the disintegrating surface on the only bridge access over the River Suir into Thurles, had its potholes filled 3 times, twice with a couple of shovels of cold tarmacadam, which had unravelled itself in 2 days. This goes to prove the workforce remained unsupervised by engineers, with even a modicum of knowledge on how to repair a road surface.

    What do we need these failed representatives for in Co. Tipperary, we would be better off going down the route of Spain’s Catalonia and go seeking Independence for Tipperary? Perhaps we should have a public meeting and pledge to withdraw future payments of motor taxation!
    Many of these individuals are a laughingstock and have attached themselves to government sponsored bodies, mainly to generate massive expenses for events which in many cases they never attend. How many Councillors have provided written reports on various conferences that they have attended as delegates, representing their County Councils?

    Just before the last local elections, I invited returning Co. Councillors to tell us what they had achieved over the previous 5 years. No one Councillor replied. Two Councillor on the other hand, made instead, a formal objection to the Local Council Office officials, with regard to me taking photographs for the Council Office events, despite the fact that same were taken and distributed to press outlets, by me and usually for free.

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