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Why I Hate Politicians

A study into homelessness, funded by the present minority, coalition, Irish government, has found that homeless people are more likely to believe in God, than non-homeless people, which a member of the Independent Alliance today claimed; “This beggars belief”.

The study also reveals for the first time that long periods spent living outdoors leads to better quality eyesight, which Ophtalmologists now believe is the reason why you never see homeless people queuing up to buy spectacles at Specsavers.

The study goes on to strongly recommend that homeless people, when given ‘change for a cuppa’ should apportion a percentage of this ‘granted loose coinage’  towards the cost of purchasing a kettle and teabags, as such a speculation could be beneficial to a longer term economical investment, in their futures.

With 81% of all accidents happening in the home, the report fully recognises that this is welcome news for all those, almost 9,000 persons, currently found to be in a homeless situation.

A new scheme for helping the homeless will be commenced by the Irish government starting on Monday night next.
Politicians and local councillors will be authorised to invite homeless people to take part in a simple quiz.  If they answer the single question correctly, they will be in with a chance of receiving one million pounds. According to the Irish Minister for Hardship and Homeless Persons an example of the type of questions to be asked are, “What is €2.50 + €2.50?”
If the homeless person answers €5.00, they will immediately be given a €5.00 note with which to buy a National Lottery Ticket. This scheme is now expected to be watched closely by other countries, also experiencing even greater homelessness on their streets.

Meanwhile, people with houses are being encouraged strongly to assist those less fortunate homeless people this Christmas, to find the nearest shelters. The study / report recommends that the unfortunate latter should be directed to follow the first bus that they observe driving past.

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