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Thurles Winner Of National Lottery On Safari In Tanzania

We were above in the Arch Bar in Liberty Square here in Thurles last night, enjoying a few pints and celebrating Mikey Ryan’s win at Thurles Greyhound Track, when Mikey declared out loud, that there was nothing smarter than a Thurles reared Greyhound.

To support this claim, Mikey related the true story of the recent €7.5 million National Lottery winner here in Thurles, who decided to go on a month’s Safari to Tanzania in eastern Africa; taking with him his champion Greyhound named Spot.

Spot of course, as indeed any self-respecting Greyhound on Safari would when he got to Tanzania, began the early morning with chasing the local butterflies and soon found himself totally and utterly lost in the long Pennisetum purpureum (Elephant Grass to those of you lot less educated). Now having lost his bearings and wandering about, Spot suddenly spotted a Spotted Leopard (sorry about the synonyms) heading rather rapidly in his direction, latter with mouth-watering intent on enjoying an early Greyhound breakfast.

Spot quickly realises “Jasus, I’m up to my neck in deep faecal matter”, but then notices some rather large bones strewn on the ground. Grabbing one between his teeth, he squats down to chew, turning his back to the approaching giant cat. As the Leopard is about to spring, Spot stretches to his full height, exclaiming loudly in his best Tipperary accent, “Jasus that was one extremely delicious Leopard. I wonder are there are any more of these appetising creatures around here?”

The Leopard having never seen a Greyhound before, decides to halt his intended assault, and now somewhat terrorised, skulks away into the nearby tree line. “That was a close shave”, thought the Leopard breathing a sigh of relief, “That ferocious Greyhound could easily have ate me.”

However, Spot had failed to observe a Sanje mangabey Monkey, who had been eagerly watching the proceedings from a nearby tree stump.  The Monkey quickly recognised he could put this newly acquired knowledge to good use, by trading it with the Leopard in exchange for future protection. Off he heads, but Spot seeing him for the first time, now believed that the Monkey might also help him find his way home, and he headed after him.

When the Monkey catches up with the Leopard, the former ‘spills the beans’ and overheard by the now worried Greyhound, a protection deal is struck with the Leopard. Understandably the Leopard is furious at being made to look like a fool and invites the Monkey, “Here Monkey, hop up on my back and let me show you what’s going to happen to that cursed Greyhound.”  Spot spots the Spotted Leopard returning along the route of his earlier hasty retreat, with the Monkey riding on his back, and thinks, “What the feck am I going to do now?”

Quick thinking Spot once again sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t as yet observed or overheard their plans. When they are in reach of ear shot, Spot swears out loud, “Where is that feckin Monkey?  Sure, it must be over an hour ago since I sent him off to bring me back another Leopard.”

Sure it’s true for Mikey Ryan, “There no hair on a Thurles Greyhound, then again on reflection ………. I wonder who won the National Lottery here in Thurles?”

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