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Thurles Man Confesses Theft From Employer

Thurles, The Cathedral Town

Thurles born, Mikey Ryan, following a recent health scare, decided it would be best to confide a previously undisclosed, yet nagging secret, to his local parish priest.

“After all God sees everything”, as Mikey pointed out to me, “so it would be only logical to get things sorted out down here on earth, instead of slowing down others on their processional route, through Heaven’s Pearly Gates”.

I must say personally that I felt Mikey should have kept his secret, especially what with the cost of Mortgages now-a-days and the inability of Banks to loan out money; but Mikey remained adamant. True to his word, down in the Confessional of the Cathedral of The Assumption here in Cathedral Street, Thurles, last Friday; Mikey finally admitted that he had been stealing materials from the building supplier, who had kept him gainfully employed for the past 45 years.

“Have you no shame and are you not aware of the moral imperative laid down by God in His commandments”, asked a chastising old priest.

“Surely you remember your catechism and the words, ‘Thou shalt not steal’. Remember the words also, my son, ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour’s’,” rhymed off the old priest, “Indeed my son you have grievously broken not one, but two of God’s Commandments, through endeavouring to scheme, covet and acquire another man’s possessions”.

The old priest paused briefly before asking, “So what did you actually steal from your employer and neighbour, my son”.

“Well Father, to be totally honest,  I stole, over the past 40 years, enough to build my own four bedroomed house; then there was my son’s house, and two other houses for both of me daughters”, confessed Mikey.

“Oh and Father in the last year I built a small week-end fishing lodge over on the shores of Lough Derg, to accommodate myself and a couple of me mates to hangout in”, continued Mikey, making a conscious decision to rid himself of his entire guilty secret, once and for all.

“This is truly a serious matter my son”, stated the priest,  “Pray now to God, seeking forgiveness, while I think of an appropriate penance for your most grievous of sin.”

Some minutes later the old priest asked,  “Tell me Mikey have you ever done a retreat in the past”.

Mikey thought for a moment, before replying, “Begob no Father I haven’t, but sure look if you can produce the plans, I can get you most of the necessary building supplies”.

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