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Local Thurles Publican Loses €5,000

Central Thurles

Central Thurles

The proprietor of a local licensed hostelry here in Thurles was so sure that his bartender was the strongest man in the county, that he offered a standing €5,000 bet to anyone who could defeat him.

His wager featured around his bartender being able to squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass. He would then hand the squeezed lemon to any challenging patron, defying them to squeeze even one single drop of juice out of the same lemon. Many people had tried to win the bet over the years: Weight Lifters, Truck Drivers, Hell’s Angels, Cavan Men, latter known to keep a fork in their sugar bowl, even WWE Professional Wrestlers, who all tried their luck, but all to no avail.

Then last week a scrawny little excuse for a man arrived into the bar, wearing black rimmed, thick glasses; a polyester suit and carrying a polished, black briefcase. In a commanding squeaky voice he challenged the busy bar man, stating, “Sir, I’d like to take on your €5,000 challenge, please.”

After the expected bout of boisterous laughter from local patrons had died down, a grinning bartender said “OK”.  Grabbing a lemon, he squeezed it in his monster fist, before handing the dried out, crumpled, remains of pith and rind to his scrawny challenger.

The laughter of assembled lunch time patrons suddenly turned to a deafening silence, when, to their amazement, the scrawny man clenched his fist around the squashed lemon, forcing six drops of lemon juice to splatter unto the well polished, shiny bar counter.

The crowds mood turned to cheering as the bartender, somewhat reluctantly paid across the €5,000 in cash. Anxious now to find out more about this little man the defeated and somewhat embarrassed bartender asked, “What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or something?”

“Neither”, the scrawny, bespectacled little man replied, “I work in the VAT Section of the Irish Revenue Commissioners. I’m really here to examine your accounts.”

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