Thurles born Kristofferson Murphy (Well as you can gather from the name, his mother had a hankering for a well known seventies ‘Country and Western’ singer.) and his wife Victoria were invited to a swanky ‘Fancy Dress Masked Ball’.
Unfortunately, Kristofferson’s wife, at the very last minute, came down with one of her summer bouts of Hay Fever. It was somewhere between continuous fits of sneezing, nose blowing and seven o’clock, that Victoria informed her husband that he should go on to this party on his own. He, being always the devoted husband, protested most strongly, but Victoria argued (as all women are wont to do) that there was no need for her absence to spoil his eagerly anticipated outing; stating that her own best cure was to take a couple of Antihistamine tablets and retire to the comfort of her bed.
Finally Kristofferson, having been reassured by his wife that she would be O.K. in his absence, placed his costume into a large plastic bag and headed for the Masked Ball. He would change clothing for this Fancy Dress event on his arrival; after all he did not want to draw unwanted attention to the absence of an up-to-date NCT (National Car Testing) disk, were he to be pulled over by a member of Tipperary’s Garda Traffic Corps, when spotted driving his vehicle dressed as ‘Big Bird’.
Meanwhile back home here in Thurles his wife Victoria, having sleep soundly for about an hour, awakened feeling somewhat more refreshed and, as it was still quite early, she decided to join her husband at the party.
Since her husband had never discussed with her what choice of costume she had intended wearing, Victoria thought she would have some fun by watching her husband from behind her chosen and rather revealing ‘Deadly Ninja’ outfit. She would be that ‘fly on the wall’ observing at first hand the type of shenanigans her Kristofferson got up to when believing that his wife was at home and apparently indisposed.
The lights were low in the hotel as Victoria joined the party, but she soon spotted her husband; alias one bright yellow ‘Big Bird’. Victoria observed Kristofferson over the next hour with various pint bottles in hand, cavorting with several young ladies new to his acquaintance; occasionally making inappropriate body contact, while proffering the odd whispered immoral suggestion, in the hope that his unknown female companion would grant even the slightest of encouragement.
Wondering how far her husband Kristofferson was actually prepared to go, on this his first solo night outing since wedlock, Victoria sidled up to him and being a lady very capable of seduction in her own right, ‘Big Bird’ was quickly induced into devoting time to this unknown ‘Deadly Ninja Babe’.
Victoria, (well since he was her husband anyway), appeared to permit ‘Big Bird’s’ immediate rather cheeky, flirty advances. Chancing his arm, ‘Big Bird’ slowly began taking apparently unhindered advantage of his unknown, slender perfumed ‘Deadly Ninja’. It wasn’t long before he was whispering rather suggestive propositions in her ear, to which the Ninja appeared to readily accept.
They both soon slipped off to find the relative comfort of an open topped sports vehicle, parked in the shadows of the poorly lit hotel lawn. Both were soon involved in what the locals around these parts often refer to as ‘a heated quickie’.
Later, on returning to the noisy party and just before the compulsory unmasking at midnight, Victoria, like the Italian folk female character ‘Cinderella’, slipped quietly away to her home and put her Ninja costume away. Slipping back into her bed, feeling totally cheated and threatening a bloody vengeance, she wondered what kind of explanation husband Kristofferson would come up with, for what she saw as his deceitful and unforgivable immoral behaviour.
Victoria was sitting up, pretending to read, when Kristofferson eventually creped in home. With all the appearance of a woman holding an innocent conversation, she asked “Well what kind of a night did you have, was the event well attended?”.
“Oh, the same old ding dong. You know I never have a good time when you’re not by my side.” Kristofferson replied.
“Did you dance much ?” Victoria now began her knowing detailed interrogation.
“You know, I never even danced one solitary dance. When I got there, sure I met Tom Browne, and some of his visiting Dublin cousins. A few of us went into the hotel lounge, where we had a few drinks and played poker up to just before I left. But hey, wait for this, you’re not going to believe what happened to one of Willie’s cousins, the guy I loaned my ‘Big Bird’ costume to…………”