Celibacy (From the Latin, cælibatus) is normally a choice in life or a condition imposed by ones own personal circumstances, e.g. being unmarried or simply sexually abstinent.
However for Thurles resident Cristiano Ronaldo Ryan, better known to his friends locally as Paddy, it was neither.
Unquestionably, I have to agree that Thurles females are wired with a totally different type of circuitry to those of us representing the male gender. This statement is indeed further clarified by most men in the town and often to be heard whispered in a low tone, most Saturday nights, especially where a minimum consumption of four pints of black porter, has been fully achieved.
Paddy was about to get married next year to his now partner of some ten years, Irina Murphy. Both were attending, (On Irina’s insistence I might add.) a Marriage Guidance Counselling Weekend, which apparently had been organised by the local parish priest, Fr Dick Bradshaw.
Initial resistance to this weekend by Paddy had been futile, so he had eventually agreed, (under threat from Irina) to keep all and any personally held views and opinions on matrimony, to himself and to take the weekend seriously.
Now sober and fully obedient to the letter, Paddy listened to the priest as he offered his profound counselling advice.
“It is essential that future husbands and wives now entering into marriage for the first time should know the things that are most important to one other,” said Fr Bradshaw, who emphasised his point by thumping the small wooden table in front of him.
At this point however, fate was to deal Irina Murphy a cruel blow, for unexpectedly the priest pointed to Paddy and asked; “You Mr Ryan, for example, can you name and describe your wife’s favourite flower?”
Paddy leaned over and caught Irina’s hand and gently stroking it, he quickly and authoritatively replied “She usually buys Odlum’s Self-raising flour every Saturday in Johnston’s Supermarket.”
According to Paddy, whom I found drinking alone last Saturday night in Bowe’s Pub, Friar Street, thus was the start of his life of celibacy.